fandomhigh | The Modern Workplace and You [period 1, Friday]

Class today was about a very serious topic, you guys. Pull up a chair because it was time to get all Afterschool Special.

“Okay, kids,” Pam started. “Now we have to talk about a healthy work environment. A healthy work environment isn’t just about making sure there isn’t asbestos in the walls, because that shit’s good for a nice chunk of change once you sue the company. No, I’m talking about recreational drug use.”

Say, did Pam look a shade thinner? Because she was. Because she had been eating cocaine instead of food for the past two weeks, solid. That was how you knew this lecture was going to be good.

"Recreational drug use," Cheryl said solemnly, "is dangerous, reckless, destructive, frightening, and a hazard to your health." She was a little less made up than normally, and her clothes were noticeably less nice -- when she was giving all of the allowance that Cecil allowed her to Greenpeace, there wasn't much left over for fancy cardigans, okay?

But you know what there was money for, always? Drugs.

"And that's why you absolutely should be wary of them," she added. "Unless they're from a trusted source. Always, always vet your dealer! Now, who wants groovy bears?"

“Cheryl,” Pam hissed. “Do not offer them some of your homebrew acid. We are supposed to be telling them about healthy work environments. Like, drug-free.”

She even said it with a straight face, guys.

"Whatever, coke bunny," Cheryl said, rolling her eyes. "You had Frosted Flakes for breakfast and I know they started as cornflakes!"

Because cocaine.

“They were cornflakes!” Pam insisted. “Look, even if I were to indulge occasionally, that wouldn’t mean I condone it! Some work environments insist on drug testing, even though that’s totally against the Constitution and an invasion of your rights and completely unethical. And if they find evidence of drug use in your urine, they can fire you, even if it’s just something like marijuana that’s only illegal because the white man can’t stand the freedom plant that wants to enlighten your mind! It’s institutionalized racism is what it is!”

Which still wasn’t touching the coke, if you were paying attention.

"Cocaine's not a plant," Cheryl said informatively, rolling her eyes. "Anyway, it can be bad news bears if you're caught with drugs -- of any kind, Pam -- in your pee at work. And that's why we brought Krieger Kleanse!"

Yup, that was what those little cups at the front of the class were. Be afraid, kids. Be very afraid.

“I watered it down some,” Pam said. “That stuff was harsh.” Harsh meaning it had taken a few tranq darts to take Pam down, after she had ripped the toilet out and flung it at Ray, thinking he was a Decepticon.

And yet, she was grabbing a cup and toasting her mooch of a roommate. “Bombs away! You guys aren’t going to puss out, right?”

(IMPORTANT NOTE: Krieger Kleanse is a hallucinogen of the bad kind, like “OH NO THE FLOOR IS LAVA” and not a fun trip. TRYING IT IS OPTIONAL and only if you want to have a bad trip with Pam and Cheryl. AND WHY WOULD YOU, IS WHAT WE ARE SAYING. However, filming your classmates/teachers while they are hallucinating? That's another story.

Oh, and also Pam is her season 5 coke-hound AU, and Cheryl is now in an AU where her brother controls all her money and has brainwashed her to give it to semi-useless environmental causes, like SeaLab 2021.)

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"I, umm, don't think it's actually a drug?" Sholeh said, half-heartedly attempting to give their teachers the benefit of the doubt. "Surely they wouldn't..." Hmm, okay, yeah. They probably would. "I think it's supposed to be some kind of purgative or something? To, uhh, get anything out of your body."

With horrific side-effects.

"If you say so," Yeul said agreeably. "I expect there are gentler purgatives out there, however."

Ones that didn't have all those nasty side-effects.

"Almost certainly," Sholeh agreed. "...I don't think I'm really the target audience for them either way."

She hadn't grown up with the 'just say no' culture, but it still really wasn't her style.

"I don't think I am either," Yeul admitted, shrugging slightly. "Though I wonder what the target audience is?"

It wasn't something she thought about much, you see.

"Other than this class, how are you doing today?" she asked. "You were upset, in the library, on Wednesday."

...Did you hear that ominous music, Yeul?

"Was I?" Sholeh asked, furrowing her brow as she tried to remember what Yeul could be talking about. She didn't recall being terribly upset...

"Probably just uneasy over everything that's going on with the island," she said. "It's distressing, you know? All these people going around and changing."

Edited 2014-03-21 15:57 (UTC)

... Oh, Sholeh, that wasn't the answer she'd been hoping for.

"You're right," Yeul said, after a moment's pause as she tried to decide on the best way to continue without upsetting Sholeh unduly, "yes, of course, it must be distressing for you."

She hadn't really found it particularly upsetting for her, though she didn't care for Zhari being gone. Or Zeela, though she still hoped it was just a matter of not having asked the right question.

"Do you feel safe enough going from school to the dorms? Or when you are out and about?" she asked gently. "I would not be much help, but if you'd like, I could ask someone if they'd care to escort you? Zeela, perhaps? I'm sure she'd be glad to help."

Yeul tilted her head slightly. "Have you met Zeela, Sholeh? I can never keep track of who knows who."

Sholeh bit her lip, running through the names of people she knew in school. "Nope," she said finally, shaking her head. "It doesn't ring a bell. But that's okay. I'm not really scared. I mean, people are changing and that's discomforting, but it's not like there are attackers or things trying to hurt us."

Unless Sparkle decided that he was a vampire again. That would be awful.

"If things get too hectic, I'm sure Evan will escort me to my classes. You too, if you'd like." She gave Yeul a smile. "I know, you're not worried about your safety, but it would be for our peace of mind, too."

"I will think about it," Yeul said, the faintest hint of a frown crossing her face before it was smoothed away, back to her usual serenity.

Oh, Zeela.

"I appreciate the offer," she added, smiling. "It is just that I would not wish to impose."

"You're our friend," Sholeh reminded, giving Yeul a gentle smile. "My best friend. You'd never be an imposition."

Never was a long time.

"I wonder," she said lightly. "I am still unused to that sort of reaction from anyone but Caius."

Yeul's long, long line of parents were... uniformly terrible people, to put it mildly.

"But thank you." She hesitated a moment, looking out at the class, before speaking. "Sholeh, if there was something going on and there was nothing to be done about it, would you say that a true friend would be better served by telling the person that it affects anyway? Or would it be better to keep quiet?"

Sholeh knew exactly what Yeul was talking about, unfortunately.

She leaned a little closer and asked in a quiet voice, "You mean Evan?"

Yeul blinked.

"...Is something the matter with Evan?" she asked, not having expected that response.

Sholeh hesitated, then nodded. "I don't think he's exactly himself," she hedged ~~because we haven't played that bit out yet~~. "Wait--you haven't seen him?"

She shook her head.

"No," Yeul said simply. "I haven't talked to him this week at all."

"He's..." Sholeh frowned, trying to put it into words. "Darker, some how? I mean, he kept calling Ozzy 'Ozymandias.' Which, I guess isn't so weird in the general scheme of things, but..."

She shook her head. Maybe she was just reading too much into things?

The Modern Workplace and You [period 1, Friday]

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