fandomhigh | Plus We Have a Motorcade [Thursday, March 6, 2014, 1st period]

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government

Plus We Have a Motorcade [Thursday, March 6, 2014, 1st period]

"Right, so if you've been watching the news out of Ukraine--and if you haven't, fix that--you might have noticed that all guys who are presidents aren't exactly created equally. For example if either of the guys I worked for went to Congress and asked for, well, anything at all, really, they would have had a six month fight about it, not given him a big ol' rubber stamp to march on into another sovereign nation."

He arched up an eyebrow. "If any of this is news to you, click off of TMZ for fifteen minutes and read some real stuff, okay? Today I want you to tell me how the president in your country--reality...whatever...thing works. Is he more of a Putin or an Obama?"

He paused. "And if he's a Putin in terms of wandering around shirtless on top of horses a lot, you can just skip telling me that, okay? I want to keep down my breakfast."

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On a horse!

Or not.

Do you know where Ukraine is?

Or king or czar or sentient monkey. Whatever.

He's gonna judge you if you're ruled by a sentient monkey, though. Just sayin'.

Josh is pretty sure Gert isn't ruled by a sentient monkey.

Longest week.

Raven Darkholme

Joker Moreau (and Skippy the spacemonkey (http://fly-so-serious.livejournal.com/2828.html))

Eleanor Lamb

... that is a teacup chihuahua in a purse. Somehow, that is what my brain decided fit with "on a horse." It was that or Eleanor skewering somebody.

No sentient monkeys, here. Joker shooed Skippy off his desk and the pyjak (http://masseffect.wikia.com/wiki/Pyjak) scurried to lurk under Joker's chair and search his backpack for snacks.

"So... I'm from the future, right?" Joker began. "And there's a whole galactic civilization, so government's a little... complicated. I mean, I'm sure it's pretty complicated for you, now, but where I'm from, it's probably a lot more so."

He paused, trying to figure out where to begin. "Uhhhhh.... let's go top-down, then, shall we? It'll be an adventure! So. The Almighty Rulers of the Galaxy" -- which was said with a deep, mocking voice and some exaggerated hand waggles -- "are the Citadel Council. Three people, one from each of the Council races, who decide the big stuff. Well, I mean, they make the snap decisions. The big big stuff all got worked out by treaties a long time ago, and doesn't really change much. They're on a space station in the Serpent Nebula, which is a long-ass way away from here. Humanity's got an ambassador on the Citadel, so we have a voice in the government, but not a vote. It's been centuries since they added a race to the Council, so we're not getting there anytime soon."

"Each race has their own system of government or whatever -- the Turians are a military hierarchy, the Asari all vote online on everything, stuff like that. Humanity's governed by the Systems Alliance -- imagine if the UN and NASA had a baby, and that baby was actually relevant and important and nobody cut its funding. It's a representative democracy -- 'cause, you know, we're good at those -- with a parliament and prime minister and everything. Red tape, not much getting done, probably a lot like your Washington."

"Under them, we've got what people like to call 'independent nation-states', which sounds complicated, but it just means all of the colonies that aren't, you know, owned by corporations, plus all of the countries of Earth. Your America's still there -- President, Congress, Washington, yadda yadda -- but it's called the United North American States, now, and it stretches from the pole down to Yucatán."

Home stretch, now. "Me, I'm from Arcturus Station, the capital of the Alliance. That's a space station orbiting the star Arcturus, if it wasn't immediately obvious from the name. It's got -- I dunno, a lot of people, but it's way smaller than an Earth city, and half the population's military. There's a military Station Commander who's the absolute authority but mostly leaves the civvies alone, and a civilian Station Council who are basically a trumped-up tourism board. Plus, the Alliance Parliament meets there, so they're always all up ons the local affairs."

Eleanor bit her lip. "We were isolationists," she said. "Only Ryan controlled access into and out of Rapture, and anyone who appeared, he mistrusted. We wouldn't have known any of this was going on, and most people wouldn't have lifted a finger to help if we did know. It's moot, as we had no army."

That was a lot of information but Josh was stuck at: "Humans aren't on the important council?"

Mmmm, self-involvement.

"Did you have natural resources?" Josh asked. "Putin likes those."

Eleanor took a moment to wonder whether ADAM counted as a natural resource.

"We had something rather explosive," she admitted, "and Ryan was dead-set on not letting the outside world ever know about it. The city collapsed well before that became a threat."

She frowned. "Is that's what's going on in this Ukraine? A fight for natural resources?"

She had only just learned that there was an Internet. She had yet to figure out things like "news websites."

"Yeah, I know, it sucks. But this isn't Galaxy Quest, dude -- we only burst onto the scene a few ago. Give us some time. We'll be running the place inside of a century, you'll see."

"It depends who you read," Josh hedged. "A lot of pundits in Washington view it as a massive dick measuring contest, but that's because they're obsessed with dicks."

Thank you, Josh.

"Basically, you need about two hundred years of Russian history and an understanding about the Soviet Union and it's breakup and how that affected their place in global politics," Josh said. "Add that to how Russia is feeling a little hemmed in by European Union countries and they lash out...with a tiny, slight...invasion thing."

"Damn right we will," Josh proclaimed. "We're--" wicked annoying, "--go-getters like that."

For some reason, Josh's comment about "two hundred years of Russian history" means I have to link this (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZT2z0nrsQ8o). IDEK.

"I ... didn't realize the Soviet Union had broken up," Eleanor said sheepishly, before adding, "I'm from 1968. I presume that happened in the half-century that I missed."

So that he didn't think she was some kind of imbecile who had just sort of missed the event.

"Is Russia trying to re-form the Union?"

"Well, we are," Joker agreed. "It pisses people off, but that's just because they're jealous. Also, we're grabbing vast amounts of unclaimed territory, licking it, and calling 'mine!'.'

"I don't think they're going that far," Josh replied, "but they are trying to reassert their control over the former republics. Crimea is a Russian section of Ukraine, as far as that goes, but it's still part of, you know, not Russia."

Heeee. Better than anything on his dick measuring thing...

"Do we also have a flag?" Josh checked. "It's important to have a flag."

"Of course we have a flag!" Joker replied, incredulous. "Everybody has a flag!" He tapped around a bit on his omnitool and pulled up an image of the Systems Alliance flag, which started as a flat rectangle and then began flapping in an imaginary wind, in glowing translucent 3D.

[Note: I don't think we ever actually see a flag in the game, but this (http://img1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20120402213924/masseffect/images/1/15/Systems_Alliance_Codex_Image.jpg) is the Alliance's logo/seal. So... maybe that on a solid field, in UN blue & white?]

"Oooh, shiny," Josh said approvingly.

Mercy Thompson

Oh, yeah, Mercy had been paying attention to the mess that was the Ukraine.

"Mine's pretty much exactly like the president of the United States," Mercy said. "Given that he is - just a couple of presidents ago."

True story. Early on in my teaching career I bit the bullet and bought a big beautiful world map, had it laminated, and put it up on my classroom wall. Less than ONE WEEK later, the USSR broke up.

/facepalms

Ooops! I bought J a globe when he joined the State Department, figuring it'll be really funny to look at when we finally retire. It's already almost fifteen years out date...

"Bartlet?" Josh asked hopefully. "I had hair then..."

"~~Handwavey~~, actually," Mercy said. "But he seems to be doing a decent enough job."

[ooc: I was oh, so tempted to make Bartlett her president, but he'd probably be kicking the asses of some of the senators trying to make werewolves be considered just animals and not citizens. And Josh just miiiiight have remembered something like that!]

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Plus We Have a Motorcade [Thursday, March 6, 2014, 1st period]

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Talk to Josh and Gert!

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