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modern workplace and you

The Modern Workplace and You: Friday, Period 1

As the students were filing into class, today, Cheryl was throwing...condoms into the air. Yes. Condoms. Like confetti.

"Happy Valentine's Day!" she chirped at them. "It's a day for expressing your love for other people, or your loneliness by buying some time with a hooker. Either way, don't get chlamydia or anything because you'd probably die and then our class roster'll look weird."

Like Cupid, this one.

"Anyway, today we're talking about looooooove, since it's the season for it and all. And by love, I mean seducing your coworkers for your own personal gain."

“Which is really easy!” Pam chirped helpfully. “Especially if you work in HR. HR means you get to go through everybody’s files, for important reasons like knowing whether or not someone has herpes. Which is a good thing to know before you start banging.”

Hello? Dealbreaker.

"Right," Cheryl added. "Except there's no way to know if your boss' son is going to demand that you do an -- you do something you're not comfortable with with him, and then throw your clothes off the balcony. Again."

Cheryl, it was your fault for going back for seconds. And thirds. Come on.

“He threw your clothes off the balcony?” Pam asked. “Eh, figures. So here’s the thing. Everyone has insecurities and weird issues. Say they just got breast cancer, or they’re not getting paid enough, or their girlfriend is cheating. You can offer a shoulder to cry on, or a sympathetic ear, or a revenge fuck. Different strategies will work on different employees!”

"Why not all three?" Cheryl suggested. "Or sometimes, you can be distraction sex. You know, if someone's trying to find a KGB operative and you accidentally told them where they live or something."

Not that she'd done that.

"Anyway. Seducing your coworkers is tricky because, like, these are the people you see all the time. Total double-edged sword -- yay, you'll see them tomorrow...but...you know, you'll see them tomorrow. And the day after. And the day after that. Banging in the breakroom is only fun as long as they're not being, like...clingy."

Cyril.

It didn’t really count as clingy if you had to blackmail them into sex in the first place, did it?

“So keep in mind that whoever you seduce, you're gonna have to put up with later,” Pam said. “Even when they get needy. Anyway. Pair off and try to use the other person’s obvious psychological issues in order to trick ‘em into sex. Not here or anything. If you’re gonna bang, you should do it later.”

"We don't want to watch," Cheryl said, making a face. "Use protection though, for reals. If you don't catch something, you might get a kid. Even worse."

Oh, Cheryl. You prophet.

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Like love* is in the air.

*Cheap boozy lust accepted.

Stare in ill-concealed horror. That's the thing we're doing now, right?

Pair off and exploit one another's many neuroses and psychological flaws in order to manipulate the other person into a cheap shame-ridden tryst.

This is wholesome education at its finest.

I would like to note that this icon is Pam using her dolphin puppet in order to try to convince Brett (and Brett's penis) to sleep with her. I am just pointing that out.

Sorry there's no punching things this week.

Pam was in a wonderful mood. She'd gotten flowers from a secret admirer. Ones that had a lock of her own hair included! Some guy (OR GIRL) was watching her every move and cutting off hair while she slept.

Okay that was a bit over the line but more importantly, can you say totally getting it? Crazy ones were the best lays. Ask anyone.

Pam's up all night to get lucky.

And to get the Grand Slam Breakfast at Denny's.

Paddra Nsu-Yeul

Yeul did not particularly want to trick someone into sex, and she didn't want to be tricked into it either. But given that all of them knew they were supposed to be tricking each other, she thought that there would be rather little tricking going on.

She still looked mildly dubious at the entire idea as she glanced around for a partner.

Elsa of Arendelle

Elsa was just going to sit there, wide-eyed with one eyelid twitching just a little, with a condom packet stuck in her hair and no idea what she had been thinking, coming to this school.

"Please tell me we can just not do this exercise, and let the teachers go on thinking that something actually came of this?"

Elsa was not big on the sex, no.

"We do not have to do the exercise and may permit the teachers to simply believe that something came of it anyway," Yeul said, as requested, looking slightly amused. "Though, truthfully, I think they will believe what they wish no matter the case."

"True enough," Elsa agreed, looking visibly relieved. "They seem to have a very... unique outlook on..."

Well...

"Everything."

"It's refreshing," Yeul said, smiling. Though she still didn't care to fight or blackmail people into sex. "Most people follow along the same general lines."

She tilted her head slightly.

"I am not sure our teachers know where the lines are."

"They're trying to get us to seduce one another this week, and last week they attempted to get everyone to fight one another," Elsa pointed out. "I'm fairly certain, at this point, that our teachers don't know what lines are."

"It's certainly unusual how little they care about them," Yeul said agreeably. "Though they do not want to watch their students have sex, so I would suggest they have some idea of what the lines should be."

… or they just didn't want to watch. It was actually hard to say.

"You know what the best part of these are?" Cheryl said, holding up the black roses Pam had sent her. "It's that they look like they were all charred and set on fire but they'll last way longer than actual dead roses."

That was 'thank you' in Cherylese.

"I'd be willing to bet that watching students is just something that doesn't do anything for them," Elsa noted, embracing a moment of cattiness before reaching up to straighten her hair.

... Oh. A condom. That. Well.

"That's also a possibility," Yeul said easily, with no reaction to the condom Elsa had found. "There is the option of asking, of course, but whether we'd understand the answer is hard to say."

Raven Darkholme

"I never thought I would say this, but I think the longer I can go without understanding, the better."

Elsa would actually be concerned the day these two actually started to make sense.

Joker Moreau

Manipulating people just wasn't Joker's style. It was skeevy. If he wanted to sleep with a co-worker, he'd just go ahead and mumble something awkwardly while he was drunk, like a normal person. He'd also go on at lengths, loudly, about how hot they were, but he'd do that with people he didn't want to sleep with, too.

All the same, sitting by himself for the assignment wasn't going to get him an A in the class. He looked around for a partner.

"You're welcome," Pam said, thus proving she actually spoke Cherylese, which was a frightening thought. "I wonder what'd happen if you burned them? Like, how much blacker would they get?"

Pam. Why are you giving Cheryl ideas.

"Say, did you notice anybody sneaking into the house lately?" she added, trying to sound nonchalant. "Like, watching me sleep, touching themselves, carrying scissors, kind of thing?"

Rilla Blythe

Rilla was giving her a sympathetic look because she was right there with you, Elsa.

"Sometimes ignorance is a comfortable thing," Yeul agreed. "I suppose it all depends on each individual."

Sholeh Zeela a Zhahar

(Zee)

Edited 2014-02-15 00:25 (UTC)

"Hey," Zeela said, sliding into the chair next to him. "You got any tips on how I can easily trick you into bed?"

Look, she was going to half-ass this assignment at best. Not only because she didn't want to trick anybody (she was much more of the 'nice shoes, wanna fuck?' school of sleeping with anybody), but because working at something she didn't want to do was way too much effort.

Besides, she was pretty sure the main lesson to take away from this class was how to do the bare minimum amount of work required.

Which was REALLY UNFORTUNATE, considering.

That was fine. Sex was an acceptable substitute.

Umm, Zeela was going to skip staring in favor of catching condoms.

What? Free condoms!

"Well, you know," Joker replied. "A nice dinner, some flowers, pretend you care... the ushe. Or get me drunk and tell me I'm pretty." He shrugged. "What about yourself? Would a nice long speech about your hotness do the trick, or are you too used to people telling you you're pretty for that to work?"

"You'd be surprised how rarely it comes up," Zee replied dryly. "My older sister's actually the pretty one and my baby sister's the sweet one. When it comes up, I'm generally getting called a pain in the ass."

Try not to sound so pleased with yourself. "So, I'm out of flowers and didn't bring booze, but you're very pretty."

"Well, when adults say it, 'pain in the ass' usually just means 'interesting'. Unless you really are a pain in the ass." Joker shrugged. "I am more than just a pretty face, you know. Without booze, you're going to have to try harder than that."

A little bit of both there, Joker.

"I think what you said about not using your crutches as a weapon in a fight made sense last week," Zee offered. "Though you'd probably be okay if you used it less to whack someone with--they look too light to do much damage--and used it to poke someone in the belly or balls instead. You wouldn't even have to put much momentum into it, the way you would if you were swinging."

She gave him a smile. "See? I listened."

Joker clasped his hands to his chest. "Aack! Listening! The weakness of every true romantic! ...Except I have the feeling that you only listened so you could one-up me in a fight, and not because you truly cared."

Zeela shrugged, not at all denying it. "Do you really think I need an edge?" she asked.

This was how she flirted, Joker.

"Hey, for all you know, I could release poison gas every time my bones break," Joker pointed out. "...Which could be pretty cool, actually. I'll have to look into that."

"Noooooo," Cheryl said, studiously not looking at Pam. "But you know, I fall asleep so early sometimes. From the drugs. You know."

Yeah Cheryl was a shitty liar, sorry.

"If you did, I bet you'd be a lot less worried about getting into fights," Zee pointed out. "Besides, how often do you break a bone so badly it breaks skin?"

Which meant all that poison gas would have to remain internal, which worked out well for...nobody, really.

"Well, thankfully, only every few years or so," Joker admitted. "Not for a while, now that I've mastered stairs. Frankly, the less I see of my ulna, the better." That... was probably the wrong direction to take the conversation, for seduction purposes.

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The Modern Workplace and You: Friday, Period 1

Sign In [2-14]

During the Lecture [2-14]

Pair Up and Blackmail Your Way to Love [2-14]

The TA Is Still Around [2-14]

Talk to Cheryl and Pam [2-14]

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Re: Pair Up and Blackmail Your Way to Love [2-14]

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Re: Talk to Cheryl and Pam [2-14]

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Re: During the Lecture [2-14]

Re: Pair Up and Blackmail Your Way to Love [2-14]

Re: Sign In [2-14]

Re: Pair Up and Blackmail Your Way to Love [2-14]

Re: The TA Is Still Around [2-14]

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Re: Pair Up and Blackmail Your Way to Love [2-14]

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