fandomhigh | The Modern Workplace and You: Friday, Period 1

As the students were filing into class, today, Cheryl was throwing...condoms into the air. Yes. Condoms. Like confetti.

"Happy Valentine's Day!" she chirped at them. "It's a day for expressing your love for other people, or your loneliness by buying some time with a hooker. Either way, don't get chlamydia or anything because you'd probably die and then our class roster'll look weird."

Like Cupid, this one.

"Anyway, today we're talking about looooooove, since it's the season for it and all. And by love, I mean seducing your coworkers for your own personal gain."

“Which is really easy!” Pam chirped helpfully. “Especially if you work in HR. HR means you get to go through everybody’s files, for important reasons like knowing whether or not someone has herpes. Which is a good thing to know before you start banging.”

Hello? Dealbreaker.

"Right," Cheryl added. "Except there's no way to know if your boss' son is going to demand that you do an -- you do something you're not comfortable with with him, and then throw your clothes off the balcony. Again."

Cheryl, it was your fault for going back for seconds. And thirds. Come on.

“He threw your clothes off the balcony?” Pam asked. “Eh, figures. So here’s the thing. Everyone has insecurities and weird issues. Say they just got breast cancer, or they’re not getting paid enough, or their girlfriend is cheating. You can offer a shoulder to cry on, or a sympathetic ear, or a revenge fuck. Different strategies will work on different employees!”

"Why not all three?" Cheryl suggested. "Or sometimes, you can be distraction sex. You know, if someone's trying to find a KGB operative and you accidentally told them where they live or something."

Not that she'd done that.

"Anyway. Seducing your coworkers is tricky because, like, these are the people you see all the time. Total double-edged sword -- yay, you'll see them tomorrow...but...you know, you'll see them tomorrow. And the day after. And the day after that. Banging in the breakroom is only fun as long as they're not being, like...clingy."

Cyril.

It didn’t really count as clingy if you had to blackmail them into sex in the first place, did it?

“So keep in mind that whoever you seduce, you're gonna have to put up with later,” Pam said. “Even when they get needy. Anyway. Pair off and try to use the other person’s obvious psychological issues in order to trick ‘em into sex. Not here or anything. If you’re gonna bang, you should do it later.”

"We don't want to watch," Cheryl said, making a face. "Use protection though, for reals. If you don't catch something, you might get a kid. Even worse."

Oh, Cheryl. You prophet.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"Well, you know," Joker replied. "A nice dinner, some flowers, pretend you care... the ushe. Or get me drunk and tell me I'm pretty." He shrugged. "What about yourself? Would a nice long speech about your hotness do the trick, or are you too used to people telling you you're pretty for that to work?"

"You'd be surprised how rarely it comes up," Zee replied dryly. "My older sister's actually the pretty one and my baby sister's the sweet one. When it comes up, I'm generally getting called a pain in the ass."

Try not to sound so pleased with yourself. "So, I'm out of flowers and didn't bring booze, but you're very pretty."

"Well, when adults say it, 'pain in the ass' usually just means 'interesting'. Unless you really are a pain in the ass." Joker shrugged. "I am more than just a pretty face, you know. Without booze, you're going to have to try harder than that."

A little bit of both there, Joker.

"I think what you said about not using your crutches as a weapon in a fight made sense last week," Zee offered. "Though you'd probably be okay if you used it less to whack someone with--they look too light to do much damage--and used it to poke someone in the belly or balls instead. You wouldn't even have to put much momentum into it, the way you would if you were swinging."

She gave him a smile. "See? I listened."

Joker clasped his hands to his chest. "Aack! Listening! The weakness of every true romantic! ...Except I have the feeling that you only listened so you could one-up me in a fight, and not because you truly cared."

Zeela shrugged, not at all denying it. "Do you really think I need an edge?" she asked.

This was how she flirted, Joker.

"Hey, for all you know, I could release poison gas every time my bones break," Joker pointed out. "...Which could be pretty cool, actually. I'll have to look into that."

"If you did, I bet you'd be a lot less worried about getting into fights," Zee pointed out. "Besides, how often do you break a bone so badly it breaks skin?"

Which meant all that poison gas would have to remain internal, which worked out well for...nobody, really.

"Well, thankfully, only every few years or so," Joker admitted. "Not for a while, now that I've mastered stairs. Frankly, the less I see of my ulna, the better." That... was probably the wrong direction to take the conversation, for seduction purposes.

The Modern Workplace and You: Friday, Period 1

Re: Pair Up and Blackmail Your Way to Love [2-14]

Re: Pair Up and Blackmail Your Way to Love [2-14]

Re: Pair Up and Blackmail Your Way to Love [2-14]

Re: Pair Up and Blackmail Your Way to Love [2-14]

Re: Pair Up and Blackmail Your Way to Love [2-14]

Re: Pair Up and Blackmail Your Way to Love [2-14]

Re: Pair Up and Blackmail Your Way to Love [2-14]

Re: Pair Up and Blackmail Your Way to Love [2-14]

Re: Pair Up and Blackmail Your Way to Love [2-14]