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beyonce_pad_thai ([personal profile] beyonce_pad_thai) wrote in [community profile] fandomhigh2014-02-06 11:44 am
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Sexual Health ; Tuesday

"We've spent a few weeks now talking about pregnancy," Mindy said. "Obviously, this topic isn't relevant for everyone, since not everyone wants to or is able to have children the old-fashioned way. However, people can still have kids without having reproductive sex, so this week we're going to do a project that focuses more on the aftereffects of childbirth." She beamed. "Babies."

Mindy pointed to a box at the front of the room. "You lucky students are each going to leave the classroom with a precious gift today, which is a battery-operated infant whom you'll be responsible for raising over the next seven days. You may not destroy it, pull out the battery, or otherwise get around it. And I know that for sure, because they have those annoying smartphone batteries that you need some kind of mechanical device to even remove."

The thing about this lecture was that she sounded really sweet even as she condemned the students to a week of child-rearing. It was a little confusing.

"Before you leave class today, I'd like you to name your babies and figure out a custody schedule with your partner or partners. You'll be responsible for feeding and changing these little guys on a regular basis and dealing with the crying. Also, the machine will take note of every time you use bad language in front of the baby, so try not to do that either. And they like being sung to sleep."

"Is consumption of the spawn permitted?" asked a voice from the back.

"What? Who asked that?" Mindy demanded. When no answer came, she frowned. "No, obviously. They're plastic, not chocolate. This isn't Easter."

{ OCD is up! soundbite taken with kind permission }