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coping with change

Coping With Change, Friday, Period 3

//I'm not religious,// Jono started his class with today. //Not by a bloody long shot. And if anyone else in this room is or isn't is no business of mine. Pray or don't pray, whatever gets you by. So, please don't think I'm making any statement one way or the next if I quote a prayer to you that's become popular, of all places, in a lot of those twelve-step programs that people talk about, these days.//

A beat.

//… Not that this is one of those, either.// Thank you for that clarification, Jon. //Either way, it goes something like, 'grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.' And I only bring it up because this week, we're discussing the fact that sometimes things happen that you have no control over.//

He suspected a few people in the room already had things coming to mind, in fact.

//As much as I'm certain each and everyone one of us would like to be,// except probably Yeul, //we are not one hundred percent in charge of the things that go on in our lives. Hell, most of us aren't even in charge of how we feel about those things, so stuff anybody who tells you that you should be able to just stop feeling the way you feel, as if there was a magic bloody switch to flip that will suddenly make you happy for no good reason other than 'happy is better than upset.'//

Okay, so Jono was a telepath, and technically he knew that there was such a switch and were in the brain to poke around in order to flip it. That didn't mean that he was going to. That didn't even mean that he thought it was a good idea. Not by a long shot.

//But there's a line between how you feel about something that's beyond your control, and how you think about and approach it. Does this thing hurt you or the people around you? Possibly. Is it something that you can - or even should - step in and fix? Possibly not. I'm not saying you should curl up and take it, either. Even if you can't fix the source of a problem directly, very rarely are we completely helpless. But if you're anything like me - because I can only really speak for myself on this one anyway - you might find yourself asking, 'Why didn't I do more?'//

Really, this was Jono's mantra, some days.

//Sometimes, the only answer for it is, 'because I couldn't.' Because when the other shoe dropped, I was too occupied saving the lives of my troops to double back and die trying to save the village I never would've reached anyway. Because I am not personally responsible for the attitudes of the people around me, and whether they choose to accept or hate is their choice to make, try though I might to give them reasons to lean toward the latter. Because sometimes, it just rains. Sometimes, people need to feel their hurt. There's an infinite number of cases of 'sometimes,' and while I might be able to make a difference, I'm just one man, with a very finite capacity to change the world around me. I might hate it. I might struggle against it to my dying moment. But it's a truth about the world around me, and if I spend the rest of my life tearing myself down because of it, when the hell will I ever find the time to stand up?//

It was still a work in progress.

//Today, just like every other class, I don't expect you to share with the rest of the people in the room. Today, I just want you to think, if you're feeling up to it, about the circumstances you're in, about the world around you. About what you can actually fix versus the things you have to accept, to work around, to stop beating yourself upside the head over. You can talk about it if you like, perhaps to share a revelation you've had or to ask for a second opinion on something you're still not completely certain isn't up to you to fix. But mostly… I just want you to think. To try to know the difference.//

[Open!]

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With serenity.

Celia Bowen

Billy Kaplan

Cosette Fauchelevent

Joker Moreau

Bay Kennish

Alexandra Jones

Eleanor Lamb

Cecil Palmer

Mercy Thompson

Anna Korlov

Kathy Li

Pass notes or listen - it's hard to ignore when the teacher's voice is inside your head, granted - just don't disrupt the rest of the class.

Or don't, it's up to you. Still, the floor is open, if you'd like to talk about the things you cannot change, or the things you can, or if you're not certain if your situation is one or the other.

"I think sometimes life takes us where we're meant to go," Celia said, after thinking for a moment. "There are certainly things I would change, if I had the power -- but if I'm not able, then I figure that that's how it's meant to be, and I must adapt. I've had at least one aspect of my life preordained before I was ever even old enough to voice my opinion on the matter, and there's nothing I can do about it. But I don't know that that's a bad thing -- I think that fate and fortune are their own forces, and I can just do what I can to keep up and make the best of it, sometimes."

"Everyone tells me that I should stop trying to find my mom. My, uh, birth mom." Sort of birth mom, maybe. Geez, his life was needlessly complicated sometimes. "I think people assume I'm trying to change the past, but I'm not. I know I can't change anything that's already happened to her, or anything she might have done, but I don't see what harm can come from looking for her. People keep telling me that finding her is just going to make me or her feel worse, but I don't agree--but sometimes being the only one who thinks I should do it makes me doubt myself."

"I don't think it's a bad idea at all," Cosette spoke up. "I never knew my mother, nor anything about her, and if I had the chance I'd likely jump at it."

Of course it would help if her father would actually tell her anything instead of changing the subject every time she tried, but --

Totally different situation anyway, Cosette. Totally different situation.

"Have you ever noticed that the people who try to discourage you really knew their parents?" Billy said, sighing softly. "I'm glad someone else thinks I'm not on the wrong track."

"I hadn't, I have to say. I don't know anything about my father's family, either, since he won't talk about them," Cosette admitted, and as much as she tried not to let it show, some of her frustration about that was evident in her voice. "I've tried, but he doesn't seem to think I need to know -- and of course that only makes it worse, doesn't it?"

Billy gave Cosette a sympathetic look. "Yeah, exactly. You don't know if he's just being private or if there's something wrong or if there's something he just thinks is wrong... that is rough, I'm sorry."

"He means well," Cosette said quickly, "even if it is bothersome, so I can't be angry with him. I only think I'd like to know a little something about her. But your mother's still alive, isn't she? If so I don't see why anyone should object to your at least seeing her."

"I... I think she is," Billy admitted uncertainly. "She sort of... disappeared without a trace, so there's an argument to be made that she wants to be left alone." Not that that was stopping him, but still. "I don't want to invade her life. I just want to meet her and let her decide what she wants to do from there."

Cosette, who was used to dealing with her father's occasional fits of solitary brooding by being very persistent at him, wasn't going to stop him either.

"Well, I hope she is, and I hope you can find her, and it goes well from there," she said with a smile; she was at a loss for any advice to give, but she could at least be encouraging, right?

"Why is it that you're trying to find her?" Eleanor asked, hoping her question didn't sound odd. This was a delicate situation, and she was not skilled in tact. "Curiosity? Love? Unanswered questions?"

"All of the above?" Billy said. "I want to get to know her, and I want her to get to know me and my brother. Honestly, I'll settle for just knowing if she's alive or not at this point."

"I found my birth dad a few years ago," Bay offered, smiling over at Billy. "And my birth mom, too, but -- never mind, the whole thing's kind of a long story. The point is, my dad's the only one I knew I was looking for. I won't lie, some days I see why my birth mom didn't want him around. But the rest of the time it's good to have him in my life. I say you should go for it."

Edited 2014-01-25 00:01 (UTC)

Billy perked up at that. "So, you don't regret it? Even though he's maybe not what you expected?"

"Absolutely," Bay said firmly. "It's like having the answers to a bunch of questions I didn't even know enough to ask. Before I found him, I always felt like there was something missing."

"Sometimes it's harder for me to accept other people's circumstances than my own," Bay offered, gnawing on a fingernail. "When crap happens to me, I can kind of work it out. But when crap happens to my friends -- I've made some mistakes. Because I have to fix it if I can."

"What sort of mistakes do you mean?" Eleanor asked.

"Um." Bay stuttered for a moment, trying to decide how much she wanted to share. "Like ... putting myself in situations where I really didn't need to get involved, and just ending up with my foot wedged down my throat. And like doing things I knew were wrong because I thought they would help someone else. Does that make any sense?"

"It does," Eleanor said with a nod. Recognizing the other girl's hesitation, she added, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to put you on the spot."

Bay shook her head. "Nah, it was fine. You can't take a class like this and not get a couple personal questions."

If he's here!

He's here!

He's staying late today, as usual, in case anybody needs to talk about something without the rest of the class watching.

Posting form work la la la.

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Coping With Change, Friday, Period 3

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