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The Modern Workplace and You: Friday, Period 1

Some of you would be delighted to know that Babou was back in class this week. Others would probably be terrified. Choose your seats accordingly!

“So, let’s talk about Personal Safety,” Pam said. Okay, she hadn’t ever recovered her notes, from when Babou had shredded them; she was just gonna wing it. “This is important not just in the workplace, but in everyday life. Like, in case you do a lot of mescaline and think you’re a coyote, and chew up the furniture. Or, while you're high on mescaline, your dumbass roommate manages to freeze the whole house. Or even, say, if your boss makes you teach Gun Safety and you accidentally shoot a coworker. There are all kinds of bad things lurking around the corners, and it’s good to know how to prepare yourself for the worst.”

If you were wondering what Personal Safety had to do with the Modern Workplace, then clearly you weren’t working for an international spy agency or anything. And besides, Pam had been pretty high when she wrote the syllabus.

“Our house is beautiful and now you won't get all overheated and sweaty anymore!” Cheryl argued. “And yeah, okay, there's tons of bad shit you could run into. Like maybe if your coworker repeatedly threatens to pistol-whip you.” Mmmmm, Lana, someday you'd deliver. Someday. “Or like, let's say someone...for some reason...wants to kidnap you and, like, maybe they grab your coworker or something. That could happen.”

Maybe they'd grab your coworker because you were calling her by your own name. Just a thought.

“Anyway. That's the thing we're gonna focus on today: what to do if you get kidnapped. Which Pam knows way more about, because she got kidnapped once!” Good job, Cheryl. Make it sound like fun.

Pam looked less thrilled than Cheryl did, about this. “It sucked,” she announced. “They couldn’t punch for shit, and then my boss only offered a measly five grand to get me back. Then they were gonna cut my eyes out to get past the retinal scans, but I convinced ’em to just take me hostage and drag me along instead. I made ’em think I was on their side, which is one way to deal with bullshit kidnappers when your so-called friend gets you kidnapped instead of her.”

Oh, look, a death-glare in Cheryl’s direction!

“It was a case of mistaken identity,” Cheryl said, waving a hand. “So anyway, pair up. One of you is a kidnapper. One of you is the kidnappee. And it is your job, little captives, to figure out how you're gonna get the hell out of this by negotiating with your captors.” She grinned at them. “Sexual favors are allowed.”

“Theoretical sexual favors,” Pam hurried to add. “Ones you use conversationally as a negotiating tactic. Not real ones. Do not actually engage in sexual favors here in class, are we understood? That’s the kinda thing that teachers go to jail over.”

“Only if you get caught,” Cheryl stage-whispered, winking exaggeratedly.

(Live ocelot, round two!)

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"And if it gets away from you and anybody sees?" She worried at her lip with her teeth for a moment. "It doesn't matter just how much a part of you it is. It's a secret for a reason."

Raven gave Elsa a small smile. "Exactly. But it's okay to slip up, here. That took way more getting used to than any of the tiny phone computers or the distinct lack of moon colonies."

"... And the moon colonies are another future thing? I did meet a boy who said something about people on Mars."

This place.

"But even that's treated like it's no big deal around here. People are just... used to it."

"In my time, everyone thinks that by this time, everyone will have flying cars and the moon will be just like Florida or something." Wait, did Elsa's time have a Florida? "I was really disappointed to find out it wasn't true."

Elsa's time probably didn't have a Florida. It might have had something similar to Florida with a weird name? But she was learning to take odd place names with a grain of salt, in any case.

"It looks like we'll have to wait at least a little bit longer, if the boy I met before getting on the... the shuttle... is telling the truth. Which he might very well be. But, honestly, I'll settle for electricity."

"Electricity is pretty nice," Raven agreed. "And have you seen the microwaves? I haven't tried one yet, but you can make soup in just, like, two minutes."

"I have!" And now Elsa was getting excited over kitchen appliances. Because electricity. "I haven't used one yet, either, but somebody did teach me how to use the stove. How it heats up with no fire at all is fascinating."

Elsa spent a lot of time boiling water, these days.

"We've had electric stoves and toasters and things for a little while when I'm from," Raven admitted. "But the microwave is just crazy. And ice and water right from the refrigerator door."

"Where I'm from, ice has to be harvested from lakes in the wintertime, and then kept stored through the summer," Elsa replied. "It's not something you can just toss carelessly into a drink like people do here."

Of course she never had that worry. And not even because of the powers. As a princess, that was one thing that she'd been spoiled with, growing up.

"That's crazy," Raven said. Because, you know, refrigerators and freezers had just been around forever in her world, right? "You'd have to drink all your soda warm."

Because so had soda.

"I only had soda for the first time on Wednesday," Elsa shared. "The bubbles take a little bit of getting used to."

Nobody was actually going to get kidnapped today, were they? Kidnapper and kidnappee had worked up a friendly rapport, and so, regardless of which was which, both girls were pretty much safe, here.

Socialization was a great skill for avoiding the dangers of kidnapping. They'd totally completed the assignment.

"Oh gosh," Raven said. "I can't imagine never having had soda before." She hadn't even been that young when she'd first tried it, but it was enough of a staple in her life, now, that she didn't remember that right away. "I like the bubbles. They make it taste clean to me."

"I wasn't expecting the bubbles or how sweet it was," Elsa admitted with a little smile. "I think I know what you mean when you say it tastes clean, though. It's... fresher, somehow, because of them. Even when they tickle your nose."

"Exactly. It's like it wakes up your whole mouth."

Raven maybe had something of a soda habit.

It was entirely possible that Elsa was going to develop one. It would go nicely with her chocolate habit.

"Well, there's certainly no falling asleep while you're drinking it," she agreed. "Not like tea."

"You fall asleep while drinking tea?"

"Well, not in the tea or while I have my mouth full of it, no," Elsa replied, blinking. "But it is very calming, don't you think?"

It was something to pour her focus into that didn't involve being afraid of herself all the time.

Raven shook her head. "The only time I've ever had tea was when my foster mom decided we should go to high tea in town." She rolled her eyes. "I always had to dress up and wear lots of jewelry and get yelled at for slurping or holding my pinkie wrong."

"Oh!" Well, Elsa could begin to piece together why Raven didn't find tea relaxing, then. "I've... never actually been to anything like that."

Some princess, Elsa.

"Whenever I've had tea, it was really just for myself. A cup of something warm to curl up with while I read a book or studied. I never really had a reason to be terribly concerned about where my pinkie went, or whether or not I slurped."

She didn't, of course. But she'd never worried about it.

"Like hot chocolate," Raven decided. "My brother and I make hot chocolate when it snows back home."

Well, right there, that was the magic word.

"Oh, chocolate." Elsa closed her eyes and nodded appreciatively. "Chocolate is such an indulgence back home. My sister and I, we both adore it. I imagine she'd lose her mind if she knew how easy it was to get, around here."

Once she'd discovered the drinking chocolate at the Perk, it was a wonder that Elsa hadn't just moved in.

"They don't even have the best in America," Raven confided. "My foster family goes to England pretty regularly -- that's where they're from -- and European chocolate is so much nicer."

"Well, it has to travel such a long way to get to us in Europe," Elsa reasoned. "It would be a waste to do anything less than treat it as treasure."

Delicious, delicious treasure.

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The Modern Workplace and You: Friday, Period 1

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