The Modern Workplace and You: Friday, Period 1

[holyshitsnacks.livejournal.com]

Some of you would be delighted to know that Babou was back in class this week. Others would probably be terrified. Choose your seats accordingly!

“So, let’s talk about Personal Safety,” Pam said. Okay, she hadn’t ever recovered her notes, from when Babou had shredded them; she was just gonna wing it. “This is important not just in the workplace, but in everyday life. Like, in case you do a lot of mescaline and think you’re a coyote, and chew up the furniture. Or, while you're high on mescaline, your dumbass roommate manages to freeze the whole house. Or even, say, if your boss makes you teach Gun Safety and you accidentally shoot a coworker. There are all kinds of bad things lurking around the corners, and it’s good to know how to prepare yourself for the worst.”

If you were wondering what Personal Safety had to do with the Modern Workplace, then clearly you weren’t working for an international spy agency or anything. And besides, Pam had been pretty high when she wrote the syllabus.

“Our house is beautiful and now you won't get all overheated and sweaty anymore!” Cheryl argued. “And yeah, okay, there's tons of bad shit you could run into. Like maybe if your coworker repeatedly threatens to pistol-whip you.” Mmmmm, Lana, someday you'd deliver. Someday. “Or like, let's say someone...for some reason...wants to kidnap you and, like, maybe they grab your coworker or something. That could happen.”

Maybe they'd grab your coworker because you were calling her by your own name. Just a thought.

“Anyway. That's the thing we're gonna focus on today: what to do if you get kidnapped. Which Pam knows way more about, because she got kidnapped once!” Good job, Cheryl. Make it sound like fun.

Pam looked less thrilled than Cheryl did, about this. “It sucked,” she announced. “They couldn’t punch for shit, and then my boss only offered a measly five grand to get me back. Then they were gonna cut my eyes out to get past the retinal scans, but I convinced ’em to just take me hostage and drag me along instead. I made ’em think I was on their side, which is one way to deal with bullshit kidnappers when your so-called friend gets you kidnapped instead of her.”

Oh, look, a death-glare in Cheryl’s direction!

“It was a case of mistaken identity,” Cheryl said, waving a hand. “So anyway, pair up. One of you is a kidnapper. One of you is the kidnappee. And it is your job, little captives, to figure out how you're gonna get the hell out of this by negotiating with your captors.” She grinned at them. “Sexual favors are allowed.”

“Theoretical sexual favors,” Pam hurried to add. “Ones you use conversationally as a negotiating tactic. Not real ones. Do not actually engage in sexual favors here in class, are we understood? That’s the kinda thing that teachers go to jail over.”

“Only if you get caught,” Cheryl stage-whispered, winking exaggeratedly.

(Live ocelot, round two!)

Comments

Sign In [1-24]

[holyshitsnacks.livejournal.com]

Living dangerously.

Re: Sign In [1-24]

[rilla-myrilla.livejournal.com]

Rilla Blythe

Re: Sign In [1-24]

[iceolatedqueen.livejournal.com]

Elsa of Arendelle

Re: Sign In [1-24]

[fly-so-serious.livejournal.com]

Joker Moreau

Re: Sign In [1-24]

[tigerundercover]

Raven Darkholme

During the Lecture [1-24]

[holyshitsnacks.livejournal.com]

Listen to the ramblings. Wonder what the hell Cheryl and Pam get up to on their days off. Wave at the ocelot.

Re: During the Lecture [1-24]

[rilla-myrilla.livejournal.com]

Rilla was not waving at the ocelot. Rilla was sitting as far away from it as she could while still remaining in the classroom.

Re: During the Lecture [1-24]

[iceolatedqueen.livejournal.com]

Elsa was going to try to kind of shrink into herself, please, at the mention of freezing the house.

Well, now she knew where her powers had gone. She really rather wished that she didn't.

Re: During the Lecture [1-24]

[fly-so-serious.livejournal.com]

Joker stayed as far away from the ocelot as possible. Wild animals were so not his thing.

Staying as far away from the teachers as possible was also starting to sound like a good idea.

Re: During the Lecture [1-24]

[tigerundercover]

Raven was absolutely waving at the ocelot.

And pondering maybe trying out running around town as one one of these days.

Re: During the Lecture [1-24]

[voiceoverdue]

This all sounded pretty unremarkable to Cecil. Well, apart from the problems with gun safety, because who hadn't learned that in kindergarten, honestly!

But he would wave at the cute little ocelot.

Negotiating with Kidnappers [1-24]

[holyshitsnacks.livejournal.com]

Pair off, and use whatever methods you like -- bribery, sexual favors*, threats, manipulation -- to convince your captor to set you free. Then swap places and make your hostage think up something good. Or bitchslap* your captive around for pissing you off.

*No actual sexual favors or real bitchslaps in class, please. Pam's not going back to the big house over you rug rats.

Re: Negotiating with Kidnappers [1-24]

[rilla-myrilla.livejournal.com]

Rilla wouldn't even think the term sexual favours, but the idea of her kidnapping anyone was laughable, so one semi-willing victim ready for a kidnapper over here!

Re: Negotiating with Kidnappers [1-24]

[fly-so-serious.livejournal.com]

"This class is so going to get someone killed someday," Joker told her. "I mean, come on! Since when is talking back to kidnappers ever a good idea?"

Re: Negotiating with Kidnappers [1-24]

[iceolatedqueen.livejournal.com]

Elsa looked maybe just a tiny bit stunned. Again. Sexual favors?

Someone please, remind her why she was in this class and what she'd done to deserve it?

Still, she was there if anybody needed a partner. So... there was that?

Re: Negotiating with Kidnappers [1-24]

[tigerundercover]

Raven switched from waving at the ocelot to waving to Elsa. "Wanna kidnap each other?"

Re: Negotiating with Kidnappers [1-24]

[iceolatedqueen.livejournal.com]

"I can honestly say I've never been kidnapped or done any kidnapping, so this is definitely going to be a new experience," Elsa replied, offering the other girl a wry smile. "Where do we even begin?"

Re: Negotiating with Kidnappers [1-24]

[tigerundercover]

"I don't know," Raven admitted. "I think usually they start with a suspicious car."

Re: Negotiating with Kidnappers [1-24]

[voiceoverdue]

Cecil wasn't sure he'd ever have to deal with workplace kidnappings himself - station management would probably forbid him from it - but, whatever. He might as well find a partner and work on it!

Play With the Ocelot [1-24]

[holyshitsnacks.livejournal.com]

Babou might let you pet him, if he's in a decent mood. Might.

Management is not responsible for scratches, bites, or lost limbs.

As always, the ocelot's not going to bite without warning, but, you know, he's also not going to take much shit. He's an ocelot.

There's a TA Somehow? [1-24]

[holyshitsnacks.livejournal.com]

Ask Zee what she's smoking (and if she will share).

Re: There's a TA Somehow? [1-24]

[3girls-1core.livejournal.com]

Zee had paired up with Babou. At least, that's what she was going to say if either of the teachers asked her why she wasn't working with someone. Right now, she was promising him all sorts of meat or meat byproducts if he let her go.

Really.

Talk to Cheryl and Pam [1-24]

[holyshitsnacks.livejournal.com]

Compliment them for being such good role models for young, impressionable children.

Re: Talk to Cheryl and Pam [1-24]

[notmysupervisor.livejournal.com]

Cheryl was throwing Ritz crackers at Babou this week from her seat on the desk. She'd had him like, close to a year now and hadn't really figured out what to feed him, no. Just trying to see what stuck to the wall.

She probably should've let Mr. Archer adopt him or something.

OOC [1-24]

[holyshitsnacks.livejournal.com]

I love that puppet!Pam has her own tiny dolphin puppet.

Meep meep, fatty.