fandomhigh | Space!, Friday

Was Kaidan looking more uncomfortable than usual today? Yes, yes he was.

"Hey," he told the class. "I've been informed that I should probably cover--" He coughed. "...Interspecies relations with you. In case that, uh. Comes up."

Shuffle.

"There are risks involved with, uh, associating intimately with someone of another sentient species," he said. "For example, if you're a levo-amino lifeform and you have relations with a dextro-amino person, both of you are at risk of having allergic reactions to your, uh." Damn it. "...Fluids."

Nghghghgh. He was just... Going to try and get through this.

"Some species secrete substances that might serve as hallucinogenics," he continued on doggedly. "They might have oddly shaped genitals or specific mating rituals that need to be observed. But... most of the time, at least... you can bet there won't be a risk of pregnancy." A pause. "Unless you're sleeping with an asari. They can, ah. Get along. With anybody. Though the offspring is always asari."

He rubbed the back of his neck.

"Basically, make sure to be informed about the details of the reproductive habits of your heterospecies relationship," he said, rubbing harder at the back of his neck. "And no, pornography is not a good substitute. Talk to a doctor. Or a professor. A professional." Probably not a Systems Alliance marine.

He fell silent for a long moment.

"Okay," he said. "I'm going to make you all play an informative game about interspecies relationships. Team up, two to a screen, let's go."

And stop talking about this. Right now.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Who's just going to be over here, FOCUSED VERY INTENTLY ON HIS PAPERWORK.

And not at all on mental images of asari in suits.

Cade sauntered over. "So have you done the interspecies thing? My first was Twi'lek. Very bendy."

Kaidan eyed him. "And what made you think that was appropriate to share with a teacher?"

"Figured you were one of the few who would not immediately go 'ewwwww'."

"Did you get any kind of allergic reaction when you slept with the Twi'lek?"

Oh lord.

Cade shook his head. "I threw my back out, though."

"Again," Kaidan said, "I... really didn't need to know that."

"Thought we were bonding," Cade said dryly.

"Back to your seat, Cade," Kaidan said, facepalming.

The lucky thing about not having a sex drive is that sex was a dispassionate, purely reproductive affair and nothing to be embarrassed about. The unlucky thing was that Mordin had no concept of other's discomfort. Which is why he interrupted his teacher's intense focus.

"Curious, any manuals on safe interspecies sex practices with humans published? Omni-tool on a network from very nearly just after First Contact with humans, and could only find crude porn. Did not open, of course. Would like to upload some more anatomically correct data if possible."

(I'm wrapping up a final paper so I miiiiight be slow until I finish but this is too good a class not to bother poor Kaidan about.)

Kaidan reached up very deliberately and squeezed the bridge of his nose quite hard.

"I'm sure there's some medical texts," he managed. Salarians. "I'll... just let the home office know."

"Medical texts good start," Mordin pressed on, not to be deterred by things like an uncomfortable conversation partner. "Would be best expanded on with information on erogenous zones, positions to accomodate multiple anatomies...." He breathed in sharply. "Proper biohazardous byproduct disposal."

Kaidan's eyebrows shot up and his eyes managed an uncomfortable little dance underneath them. "Uh," he said, "I'm not really an expert, sorry."

"Ah, can continue to search for generalizable scholarship on subject rather than pornographic anecdata." Maybe he'd learn a little about how to read obvious human body language while he was at it. "Will share findings, if conclusive."

"You... really don't need to do that," Kaidan offered, after a short pause. "Not really dating any aliens. Uh, at the moment-- I won't exclude anything, but..."

Human-rich environment here!

Cecil frowned, confused. "What's the different amino things? I don't know which I am. Or my boyfriend."

Not that they'd had any allergic reactions yet, but you could never be too careful.

"There's two kinds of amino acid structures that species can be based on," Kaidan said. "Humans - and all life on Earth - are levo-based, so I think you're okay."

Beat.

"Unless your boyfriend is an alien."

"Not that I know of," Cecil answered, a little relieved. "I mean, you met ♥Carlos♥; he seems pretty human, right? Unless he's an alien and just doesn't know it."

He frowned. "Or unless I am. But you'd think that'd be the sort of thing your mom would tell you, really."

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