fandomhigh | Practical Philosophy, Monday

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practical philosophy

Practical Philosophy, Monday

Yesterday's revelation that they were releasing another movie about his life had not put Ender in the best mood. It was a harsh reminder that what awaited him back home wasn't always much better than what met him here-- at least at Fandom he could expect a certain degree of anonymity.

While he tried to keep the annoyance and frustration and numerous other emotions out of his work today, it was obvious he was quieter and more distant than he usually was. He picked a topic that was as comfortably distant from his own experience as he could find, without becoming irrelevant to their story entirely.

"This is our last class," he said. "Sooner or later, you'll find yourself at your last class, period. Fandom is a school and so your stay here comes with an expiration date. Are you glad about that? Relieved? Unhappy? When you leave, what will you carry with you of this place? Mostly negative experiences? Mostly positive? Why?"

Then he fell silent.

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"I'm still pretty new here--" and not sure if she was staying past the summer or fleeing home where things were normal, "--so who knows how I'll feel in two years when I graduate. But if I were graduating at the end of the week, I'd feel...I don't know, relieved, maybe?"

This place was horrible and crazy, but also interesting. And Kathy was starting to feel the vague sparks of curiosity and a desire to be in the thick of things that even she wasn't aware of yet.

"Oh my god I've been here over a year now and I wish I was graduating at the end of the week," Sparkle groused, shaking his head. "Just up and leave all this bullshit behind. No, like, freaky bird-people trying to swoop down out of the silence to devour our fucking hearts while we escape to the dorms from a freaking inflatable toy."

He wrinkled his nose.

"Seriously, if I find out who arranged for more bounce-castles, I'm going to hunt them down and kick them in the fucking shin."

"Who the heck thinks that's a good idea?!" Kathy yelped, trying not to sound shrill and probably failing. "A bounce-house? Those are fun for an afternoon, but not to sleep in! Why does the administration of this school think they're meant to be livable?"

Because they did not fit any definition that Kathy knew of. At all.

"Pretty sure they have, like, warning tags and shit that say they're not," Sparkle added, pursing his lips thoughtfully. "I bet we could report them for negligence or some shit, if there was somewhere to report them to."

Not so much around here, really.

"And who would believe us, even if we did?" Kathy asked. "All they'd have to say is that we have dorms to stay in and they provided us with bouncy houses for our enjoyment. And the authorities would believe them because who puts students in bouncy castles?"

No one. That was who. No one.

"So we end up looking like troublemakers to the authorities and then we're still stuck here."

"Like I said," Sparkle sighed. "Nowhere to report 'em. Nowhere that'll take us seriously, anyhow. Fucking sucks."

Like he'd snitch, anyhow. He hated snitches. But he'd sure as hell threaten to, if it meant maybe he wouldn't have to sleep in an inflatable saloon or something again.

"But, hey, if one of the things that follows you home is a flying...whatever those things were...you know how to avoid them. I'm sure that's handy, right?"

Kathy's expression did not suggest she thought it was handy.

"If one of those things follows me back to Toronto, it'll have a whole neighbourhood of pissed-off Canadians coming after it with hockey sticks. Asshole won't even stand a chance."

... There probably wouldn't actually be that many hockey sticks involved. But he was a stranger in a strange land. He'd embrace the 'hockey and beavers' stereotype for as long as he could get away with it, here.

"Throw maple syrup on it to bog it down and make it unable to fly?" Kathy asked, grinning. "Get a few moose to trample it, too?"

"Now you're getting carried away," Sparkle laughed. "We usually just release the wolverines."

They were the best at what they did.

"That's no fun at all," Kathy pouted. "At least tell me they're backed up by sexy mounties?"

"Who do you think trains the wolverines?"

Duh, Kathy. Duh.

"Yeah, but I want to see them in action."

Duh yourself, Sparkle.

"The mounties, I mean. I can live without seeing the wolverines."

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Practical Philosophy, Monday

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