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Practical Philosophy, Monday

There weren't just sandwiches out on the lawn today - there were sausage rolls too, and doughnuts, and bagels, and cake; Ender had put out a picnic blanket for the occasion, as well as a large standing umbrella that could be moved in if the rain kicked in.

And then there was the red kitten constantly trying to leap out of Ender's lap.

"I'm not particularly interested in having finals," Ender said. "They've always seemed fairly arbitrary to me. Instead, I'd like to keep fostering debate. But I'll throw the initiative to all of you this time. No topics, no pithy wise phrases to kick this off. Come up with an issue you feel is worthy of this class and throw it into the group. You're peers, whether you're aware of it or not: you can learn from each other as well as you can from me."

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Emily looked around, making sure nobody was close enough to hear them.

"You asked me about changes, and I said I didn't believe in that. Thing is, I have a pretty lousy past and as much as I would love to dream of my life if I hadn't suffered all the crap I have, I wouldn't be who I am and I would certainly not know what I do," Emily said as she shrugged.

"I guess it's just a lot of touchy stuff, but I didn't mean to snap at you. Well, not entirely." She wanted to be honest alright?

Edited 2013-06-25 03:59 (UTC)

"Not entirely," Ender echoed, raising an eyebrow at her.

"You touched some subjects that are tied to very complicated parts of myself. I'm not going to tell you I wasn't angry at you," Emily said, shrugging.

"You see, I have a lengthy story of being abandoned and tossed around. Someone like me is the kind of person you would think has every intention to sell her soul to the Devil in exchange of another shot at it, but I don't dislike who I am now," Emily said, evenly. Under control. "I think I'm stronger for it. Not better than others, mind you. Although I might have felt that way at some point." Namely a couple of years ago.

"You don't know what I would think," Ender said. His voice was quiet, but strong. "I'm not here to judge you - or anyone - for their crimes, past or present. We all have our reasons for the things we do and the people we become. I simply wanted - still want - to know yours."

"Then it's a matter of trust, isn't it? But I wouldn't really call them crimes, mind you," Emily said. Well, not yet, but give her time to work on that.

"But if full disclosure is what you want...I guess it's either now or never." Who knew, it might even be cathartic for her. "My mother died when I was little, like three years old little. I don't remember virtually anything of her by now," Emily started, slowly. It annoyed her not to remember. "My dad and I moved somewhere else when he got a new job, but it turned out that his boss was wrapped in some shady business. Things happened that tied him to a plane accident that was branded as terrorism, and he used my father as a scapegoat . I was five. My dad died in prison about two years ago."

Emily went silent then.

"I'm sorry."

There were never appropriate words to say when the death of a loved one came into the picture. Ender deferred to being honest, instead.

"Who has been taking care of you all this time?"

Emily rolled her eyes. "I've never understood why we say that. But thanks, and don't worry too much about that."

Emily looked away. "I was institutionalized for some years. After they were done breaking me, it was a long tirade of abusive foster homes and juvie. I guess you could say I haven't had a very illustrious past."

A beat. "And then it came Takeda."

Edited 2013-06-26 15:10 (UTC)

"'Not illustrious' is not the words I would use," Ender said. While his situation hadn't been exactly like hers, it was one he had no trouble understanding, and the empathy bled into his tone. "But go on, please."

"Okay, so I was a mess, alright. By then I had learned everything I needed to be another young miscreant, and in all honesty, I was a pretty good one," Emily said. She was still a good one, actually.

"I guess you can see why confidence is such a thing for me. At any rate, by the time I was sixteen I had landed myself on a maximum security detention center," she added casually. "Let's just say I earned that, although it's another thing I don't regret."

Passing a hand through her hair, Emily collected her thoughts. "I wasn't expecting that someone my father helped way back would buy my freedom, and then basically give me half his company out of gratitude to my father. I've never cared about money, but having more than I will ever need isn't all that awful."

A pause, because Emily had to thread carefully. She was being truthful, but she wanted to stick to the truths she thought were safe to share. "Satoshi Takeda was a man whom I managed to contact after being released. He has...an interest to help people in need, and even though most of my past is pretty well guarded he came to know of me. From there to getting him appointed as my Guardian wasn't so much as a couple of transactions."

"Taking control of your own fate," Ender surmised.

He could hardly fault her for that; he would've done much the same, had he had the capacity. Instead it would have to wait until he was done on Shakespeare.

Emily shrugged, hands raised. "It felt like a lot of pointless fighting to me back then, but I guess there's that too. I spent two years with Takeda, basically learning everything I hadn't since my father got arrested. Coming here is the final test. If I can live here and relate to others in this place I'll be also stronger for it, and then...well, then I'll have a shot at having a life, I guess. Truth to be told I don't know what I want to do next."

Other than having her revenge, of course.

One of Ender's eyebrows arched up.

"I'm not sure if I believe that," he said. "Not entirely. You're definitely working towards something." He studied her. "You might not know what you want to do with the vagaries of normal life, though - I'll believe that."

That brought a grin to Emily's face. "Let's say you're right; nobody survives that kind of life and retain their sanity without a clear goal in mind. What could that be?"

"Based on the information you've given me, I'd assume revenge," Ender said mildly. "If you're speaking the truth."

"I guess it's only logical," Emily said, still grinning. "I won't lie, I would like that, but there's no way. At least not without turning into the very people I hate."

She was actually ready to do that, of course.

"And yet," Ender said, "You don't sound too bothered."

He was a terrible person to try and lie at. He really was.

"Maybe I've thought too much about it, but what would you think about someone that goes that way?" Emily asked, actually wondering what his answer would be.

"What would you think of someone that's willing to cross certain lines?"

"I would say they should be careful pursuing this before they wreck more lives than they should," Ender said quietly. "What you want to do is destructive on several levels. And when you succeed, you might wonder whether it's worth it."

If she had been looking for something more in the vein of 'you're a terrible human being', she wasn't getting it from him, though.

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Practical Philosophy, Monday

NFB all the way down

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