fandomhigh | Practical Philosophy, Monday

Because the weather hadn't gotten much better, class was indoors again today, in a simple classroom. The desks had been shoved aside and there were pillows on the floor as well as the ubiquitous bag of sandwiches.

"Sorry I didn't make it last week," Ender said, sitting down once everyone else in the class had arrived. "Fandom struck and turned me into something. I'm sure you're all familiar with that by now."

He shot them a wry look.

"I hope I won't be retreading anything Yeul spoke to you about last week," he said. Glancing at the girl ~~if she was there~~, he added, "I'm thankful you were able to fill in."

Then he cleared his throat and said, "This island has a habit of plucking us from our beds and turning us into something else at the drop of a hat," he said. "Frankly, it's a pain in the ass at best, a matter of extreme concern and panic at worst. Still, it does bring us to one of the most classic of all philosophical questions: what makes you yourself?" His expression got even wryer.

"If someone changes some element of your history, does that make you a different person? When you inhabit the body of a cat or a wolf, your brains rewired for the occasion, are you still yourself? Or are we who we are only in the moment that we are, and then our personalities are redistributed by the flash of a neuron? If we're shaped like something alien, does that suddenly turn us into something alien to ourselves?"

He sat back. "Just something to think about," he said.

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"Are you?"

Ender had noticed the agitation on her part.

"Of course I am."

She didn't yell, but she would have liked to. "And it's naive to daydream about changing that fact. I mean sure, you can probably imagine some pretty interesting things you could have done, or change things you regret, but you didn't and you can't. You just learn from it and move on."

Ender listened to her, and then he leaned forward. "What did you want to change, Emily?" he said. "What's so terrible about what you are?"

Emily shot him a look. There was enough hatred concentrated in there to make the daggers almost visible.

"Not with the squirrels around. Or the other students." Her words surprised her as she spoke, but her brain caught up quickly enough. She could use this, couldn't she? Or maybe she just needed to talk.

Ender didn't seem to budge at all under that look. He'd had worse - even recently, coming from his own grandson.

"Then see me after class, if you want," he said.

"Maybe I will," replied Emily as she put up her calm face again. One moment later she looked almost peaceful. "We all have touchy subjects," she added, almost as an afterthought.

"And we all wind up dealing with the issue of how long we're capable of tip-toeing around them," Ender said mildly. "Yours seem more like an exposed bruise. I just have to brush past it and you snap at me."

"Terribly good timing on your part," Emily said, her smile perhaps a bit too toothy. "I'm waiting for a message from my Guardian and he's taking his time." Then again, who else if not Takeda?

"No timing at all on my part," Ender said simply. "You're broadcasting."

He'd know. He'd spent years making sure he did anything but.

"I have limited patience," Emily said, rather corrected. It was very noted though, because she couldn't allow herself to be so easy to read. "I don't like depending on others, well meaning as they might be."

Better give him something to work on, might as well put some truths out there.

"And now you're trying to deflect me by tossing me something else to chew on," Ender said. Now he looked visibly amused. "But I'll bite, in a sense. How would talking to me involve depending on anybody? All I'm doing is inviting you to talk."

"Maybe I'm just trying to measure how smart you are," Emily said casually. Very smart, alright. The guy was her age and teaching already, so she wasn't expecting less.

She smiled at him. "Well, when two people know something, it creates a link. Specially if what they know is not common knowledge. Information is everything, after all."

"No, information holds some power," Ender corrected lightly. "A book isn't worth much to a fish. Or a stash of secret documents."

"The right information holds all the power you need. Fishes need other things rather than books," Emily replied. "But hey maybe there is an alien fish race out there that might be feel offended." ~~Probably in the Star Wars universe~~

"The point is, when someone knows something of you, they can use that. Maybe not much, maybe more than we think. Personally I don't have that much to hide," Emily lied, but she had repeated that lie for enough time she half believed it already. "But I pride myself of being a private person, which is a consequence of my life, not some hypothetical parallel universe thing."

"In my experience, people who have little to hide don't spend this much time dodging and weaving," Ender said lightly. "It's true, information can give someone power over you, but the context matters. Never mind that without sharing it, it becomes terribly hard to connect with another human being."

"I thought we were just talking," Emily said, amused. "Hence why I was being honest when I said I might stop by. I could get something out of this."

"We were," Ender agreed, "It's an observation, not an assault."

You'll know when I feel assaulted.

Say what? She was all smiles over here. "So I'm not convinced by the idea of people thinking about things that change, for various reasons. What's your take on it?"

Had Ender been able to read her internal narrative, he would've had just one word for her:

Don't.

"About change?" he asked. "Or people changing in particular?"

Some months earlier and Emily would have probably bitten way more than she could chew. Now? Well, now she had grown a bit.

"About dwelling in hypothetical scenarios. Or, if you want, the meaning behind suffering them in Fandom." Which she hadn't so far. She supposed it was easier for her to talk like that because of that.

"I say they have a not entirely equal chance of either opening your eyes to facets of yourself you didn't or couldn't look at," Ender said mildly, "or driving you completely crazy because the options aren't always all that great."

Emily shrugged. "It's a valid position. Change in a more general sense, I can agree to that though."

Practical Philosophy, Monday

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