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fandomhigh2012-11-30 09:40 am
dollpocalypse) wrote in fandomhigh2012-11-30 09:40 am
Entry tags:
Astro Science, Friday
"Hey, guys," Topher said, striding into the room with all the bounciness of a very egotistical kid who got to lecture his peers today. "I guess the teacher's not here, probably for the same reason the gym teacher wasn't here the other day, so... friendly neighborhood TA. Hey."
Now, don't worry, students-- if you thought that having a substitute who was also a student meant a blow-off day, have no fear, because Topher had brought with him a ton of research on his tablet about Kaidan's world and space and things he could talk about. Really, a ton. Weren't you lucky?
"I guess we're going to talk about wars, 'cause... I was watching Space Battles last night," he decided. "There have been a bunch of wars in Mr. Alenko's world and, like, a ton of articles on them. You should probably take notes."
That was doubtful.
"So first, in 1 CE, there was this conflict called the Rachni Wars," Topher explained, holding up a picture of a rachni on his tablet. "We learned about those mass relays, which are basically like portals except they make sense. Apparently a new one got made and it made a path to where the rachni were living, and the rachni were ticked and messed with the explorers' ships, and then there was a ton of fighting between the rachni and, like, everyone else who existed. Except humans. They didn't know about us yet."
Topher was still marveling at the fact that the trope of humanity being the most important species didn't seem to exist in Kaidan's world. What kind of space-based universe was that?
"Then the salarians-- those awesome sciencey types with the cool heads-- figured out that the krogan are pretty badass, and they gave them a bunch of tech in exchange for them helping out. And then the krogan kicked their asses and there was a law made about ever opening mass relays to undiscovered systems again, because no one wants to fight giant bugs.Just ask Ender Wiggin."
He passed around a few handouts he'd printed out in his dorm room, mostly pictures from the fighting with one several-paragraph excerpt from the law he'd mentioned.
"So then there was peace for like five seconds, but then the krogan, those guys the salarians helped out, started reproducing like whoa-- you'd almost think they were the bug race-- because of all the new tech they had and the new planets the... uh, space U.N., I guess, gave them for helping with the rachni. They ran out of room pretty fast, because they're giant and they make a ton of babies, so they wound up trying to take over an asari planet to make room, and the government was like 'hell no' and the krogan had kind of a tantrum and started fighting everyone.
"No one was tough enough to take the krogan, since they kept asteroid-ing everyone who tried, so finally the salarians went to the labs and decided to solve this like adults. They came up with... it's called a genophage, I guess it's like a sterility gas? And they spread it through the krogan planets so that they could only reproduce one-one-thousandth as much. That's not hyperbole, that's what it says."
Topher was kind of awed by that, to be honest. Seriously, he would be the best salarian ever. They sounded awesome and brilliant and ruthless.
...Mordin would totally yell at him.
"The turians deployed it and the krogan forces stopped increasing, so they surrendered pretty fast after that, and a lot of the ones that survived just started having scattered battles around the galaxy or being space pirates like in Lightning Bug but less endearing. And uh... that was that, so I don't know if anyone else here was at the Citadel, but my guess is it's a little awkward that they still have that giant statue of the krogan up in the Commons? But they're still heroes from the rachni conflict, so... yeah."
Okay, Topher took it back. A war culture would not be a good situation for him. He had no idea how to deal with any of that.
"So then meanwhile, way after all that happened, there was the First Contact War, which is basically what happened when humans finally got their act together and realized that there was a ton of space tech all around them for them to explore with," Topher continued, passing out some new handouts. "They activated an inactive mass relay, which, remember, was banned after the whole rachni debacle, and the turians found them and started shooting at them. Which seems a bit abrupt to me, but okay. Whatever, don't discuss things first. Uh... the turians were winning for a while, because humans had been exploring and were kind of all over the place so they didn't have numbers on their side, but then the Second Fleet got shipped in and they took the lead there. That's impressive. The turians from the Citadel looked like they could kick our asses. Anyway, then there was a treaty and now humans and turians are mostly friends, so." He gave a sarcastic little fist-pump. "Go team."
Topher paused and took a breath to scroll down on his tablet full of notes to see if there was anything else he was missing. "There was another war, the Geth War, too," he said slowly. "A bunch of synthetics made as servants to the quarian were going to be shut down because they got a little... extra-AI-y, and they flared up in self-defense and started firing at the quarians. A ton of quarians died and had to abandon their planet, and now people aren't really pro-geth, I guess."
A bit of a pause there.
"So, that's all I have," Topher said after a moment, clapping his hands together. "That took forever, so let's just talk about what you guys would've done differently, if you had been involved. Like, to get peace, not to kill everyone. Just making that clear."
Now, don't worry, students-- if you thought that having a substitute who was also a student meant a blow-off day, have no fear, because Topher had brought with him a ton of research on his tablet about Kaidan's world and space and things he could talk about. Really, a ton. Weren't you lucky?
"I guess we're going to talk about wars, 'cause... I was watching Space Battles last night," he decided. "There have been a bunch of wars in Mr. Alenko's world and, like, a ton of articles on them. You should probably take notes."
That was doubtful.
"So first, in 1 CE, there was this conflict called the Rachni Wars," Topher explained, holding up a picture of a rachni on his tablet. "We learned about those mass relays, which are basically like portals except they make sense. Apparently a new one got made and it made a path to where the rachni were living, and the rachni were ticked and messed with the explorers' ships, and then there was a ton of fighting between the rachni and, like, everyone else who existed. Except humans. They didn't know about us yet."
Topher was still marveling at the fact that the trope of humanity being the most important species didn't seem to exist in Kaidan's world. What kind of space-based universe was that?
"Then the salarians-- those awesome sciencey types with the cool heads-- figured out that the krogan are pretty badass, and they gave them a bunch of tech in exchange for them helping out. And then the krogan kicked their asses and there was a law made about ever opening mass relays to undiscovered systems again, because no one wants to fight giant bugs.
He passed around a few handouts he'd printed out in his dorm room, mostly pictures from the fighting with one several-paragraph excerpt from the law he'd mentioned.
"So then there was peace for like five seconds, but then the krogan, those guys the salarians helped out, started reproducing like whoa-- you'd almost think they were the bug race-- because of all the new tech they had and the new planets the... uh, space U.N., I guess, gave them for helping with the rachni. They ran out of room pretty fast, because they're giant and they make a ton of babies, so they wound up trying to take over an asari planet to make room, and the government was like 'hell no' and the krogan had kind of a tantrum and started fighting everyone.
"No one was tough enough to take the krogan, since they kept asteroid-ing everyone who tried, so finally the salarians went to the labs and decided to solve this like adults. They came up with... it's called a genophage, I guess it's like a sterility gas? And they spread it through the krogan planets so that they could only reproduce one-one-thousandth as much. That's not hyperbole, that's what it says."
Topher was kind of awed by that, to be honest. Seriously, he would be the best salarian ever. They sounded awesome and brilliant and ruthless.
...Mordin would totally yell at him.
"The turians deployed it and the krogan forces stopped increasing, so they surrendered pretty fast after that, and a lot of the ones that survived just started having scattered battles around the galaxy or being space pirates like in Lightning Bug but less endearing. And uh... that was that, so I don't know if anyone else here was at the Citadel, but my guess is it's a little awkward that they still have that giant statue of the krogan up in the Commons? But they're still heroes from the rachni conflict, so... yeah."
Okay, Topher took it back. A war culture would not be a good situation for him. He had no idea how to deal with any of that.
"So then meanwhile, way after all that happened, there was the First Contact War, which is basically what happened when humans finally got their act together and realized that there was a ton of space tech all around them for them to explore with," Topher continued, passing out some new handouts. "They activated an inactive mass relay, which, remember, was banned after the whole rachni debacle, and the turians found them and started shooting at them. Which seems a bit abrupt to me, but okay. Whatever, don't discuss things first. Uh... the turians were winning for a while, because humans had been exploring and were kind of all over the place so they didn't have numbers on their side, but then the Second Fleet got shipped in and they took the lead there. That's impressive. The turians from the Citadel looked like they could kick our asses. Anyway, then there was a treaty and now humans and turians are mostly friends, so." He gave a sarcastic little fist-pump. "Go team."
Topher paused and took a breath to scroll down on his tablet full of notes to see if there was anything else he was missing. "There was another war, the Geth War, too," he said slowly. "A bunch of synthetics made as servants to the quarian were going to be shut down because they got a little... extra-AI-y, and they flared up in self-defense and started firing at the quarians. A ton of quarians died and had to abandon their planet, and now people aren't really pro-geth, I guess."
A bit of a pause there.
"So, that's all I have," Topher said after a moment, clapping his hands together. "That took forever, so let's just talk about what you guys would've done differently, if you had been involved. Like, to get peace, not to kill everyone. Just making that clear."
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Listen to the Lecture
Discuss
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Ace was also...Ace.
"Video-bomb the Krogan planets with pictures of Umbridge. If that doesn't put 'em off sex, nothing would."
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"Take a poll. Move everybody who chundered when they saw it to a safe planet, then nuke the rest with extreme prejudice."
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They should mail in this idea to the Council, it was so brilliant.
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Talk to Topher
OOC