fandomhigh | Living on the Outskirts, Friday, Period 2

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living on the outskirts

Living on the Outskirts, Friday, Period 2

"I realize," Jono said as he stepped into the classroom, "that last week's lesson was a touch... heavy, for at least a few of you."

He wasn't going to name names, or even single anybody in the room out by looking at them. They knew who they were, and that was enough.

"This week, we're going to lighten things up a little bit. I know I'm not the party person here on the island, but I did my best. For the rest of the class, it's music, refreshments, dancing, and, you know, being social. If you aren't up dancing, I want to at least see you making small talk with somebody else in the room. There is a shadowy corner right over there," he pointed at a corner of the room behind his speaker equipment, where light was somewhat scarce, "and if I see you in there for anything besides re-grouping and taking a breather if you're feeling overwhelmed, you'll have marks docked."

... He wasn't really marking you on partying during class hours, but there was nothing stopping Jono from making that threat all the same.

"Random social situation? Go."

[Open!]

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"It doesn't tend to be," Jono replied, years of experience making him look tired for just a moment. "But that's why I keep going back. To try to blunt the damage done to people when 'the thick of it' happens."

Someone had to do it, really.

“Why?” Yeul asked curiously. “Why do you do that?”

She looked slightly, but only slightly, awkward as she added, “If you do not mind my asking.”

Jono gave her a little smile, trying to soothe that awkwardness as much as he was able.

"I don't mind, luv. I do it because... Because if somebody doesn't, then a lot of people will suffer needlessly, and I'm not meant to sit back and let that happen. If circumstances mean I have the means to help people, there's probably a reason for that."

“I do not understand that,” she said honestly, clasping her hands behind her back. “The idea that if your circumstances place you where it is possible to save people, I do not follow how it goes that you must save people.”

"Saving people really isn't for everyone," Jono replied, after a pause. "I wouldn't expect it of anybody, of course. But for me... it's what feels right. I've done all too much in my lifetime that hasn't, against my will. If I get a say in the matter, I'll see to it that it doesn't happen again."

Yeul tilted her head. “You talk like a hero might.”

Like heroes had, in the past and in the future. She understood it as little now as she would and as she had.

"Do I?" Jonothon fell silent for a moment, looking thoughtful. "I wouldn't consider myself one. Not really. I've met heroes. Both the sort that are actually heroic, and the ones that put on fancy clothing and parade around doing big things because people might notice. I... would like to think that I'm just a person with a lot to answer for, trying to do something good for a change."

Being called a 'hero' tended to leave him a little flustered. Yes, even if he did put on tights and run around on a team that fought crime.

"My understanding is that is what a hero is," Yeul said quietly. "Though I could be wrong. Heroes bring change. They reach out and fix things, try to make people safe."

Her own feelings on heroes were decidedly mixed. Change tended to kill her.

Caius hated heroes.

Jono was quiet again, chewing his bottom lip while he attempted to come up with some sort of justification for what he was doing. He knew what change meant to her. It was difficult to not feel like the bad guy for trying to be the good guy for once in his life, when speaking to Yeul.

"Villains bring out change just as well," he noted, finally. "More thoroughly, more cruelly. If change is going to happen, I'd rather it be for the better. I've seen what happens when things change for the worse. That's no world I want to live in."

"I do not think most people who cause change wish for a world like that," she said honestly. "I have seen villains and I have seen heroes and to me, they are much alike. Many villains believe what they are doing, they are doing for good."

Her eyes were clear and her face was calm. Yeul's voice was both childish and very, very old. "Some make it easy to say 'this is wrong'. But with others it becomes murky and, often, it is the victor that is declared the hero and the loser the villain over what is, essentially, a difference of opinion and an arbitrary scale of whose pain means more."

"Believe me, luv," Jono sighed, feeling good and old without the aid of an eternity behind him, "the sort of people I stand and fight against... they draw a very clear line."

Genocide. Slavery. Torture and worse. Jono didn't tend to get himself tangled up in the small issues.

"I cannot say," she admitted. "I cannot judge your world by mine and expect it to work out. I am glad, truly, that you get to do something that feels right to you."

Yeul traced the top of her cup of punch. "But there are no clear lines to me."

"After so long, I can't imagine there would be," Jono replied, looking down into his glass at the face that was reflected back at him. "Your experiences and mine... they're not nearly the same. Comparatively, I only get a moment to do what needs to be done. Perhaps that's why I think it's so important that I seize it."

Her smile was faint. "And I have all the moments and can seize none of them."

It was a good point he had.

"And for that, I'm sorry." Jono's words were soft, full of regret for the sake of the girl who would live and die forever, and never truly live. "Is it too much to hope that while you're here, you get to embrace something good for yourself, even if you feel you can't do anything to make your mark here yourself?"

The tiniest of frowns crossed her face briefly before being tucked away again. "I do not quite follow you, Professor."

He gave her the faintest of smiles in return.

"I just mean... I hope that your experiences here are something good that you can cherish. Something for you to hold on to, for as long as you can."

Something she could look back on, and think of it, 'I lived.'

She looked awkward.

"I am making friends," she said, not looking at him. "Mercy has thanked me for being a 'support'. I have never been considered that before. When Rapunzel laughs, it makes me want to laugh. Liara talks about new worlds and experiments and listening to her makes everything seem wider. Evan looked like I had given him something precious when I promised I would never be scared of him, no matter what. I do not understand them. It's different."

It was terrifying for someone like Yeul, whose existence was endlessly the same.

"Different," Jono agreed. "It was overwhelming for me when I came here too, though I suppose it would have been in a completely different sort of way."

He tilted his head at her.

"But is it bad?"

"I do not know," she said helplessly. "I do not think I'm doing anything wrong in this life but will this make the next and the next harder and lonelier and more difficult to bear?"

"Whether it does or not is up to you, luv," Jonothon replied softly. "That will depend on if you choose to keep those memories as something to compare the rest of your life to... or something to cherish. And it might ache... Life aches, sometimes. But perhaps at some point you'll remember something that makes you smile, something that makes you laugh. Something to think back on fondly, even if things might not necessarily be the same again."

"I can remember a time before Caius was my Guardian." Yeul still did not look at him. "I remember my Guardians changing and it was an honor to guard the Seeress, not the girl. Caius loved the girl, still loves each girl, and I think that was why he was given the gift that the Goddess chose to give him."

Which was... a double-edged blade.

"Other than the visions, he is the one constant I have. I remember pain, Professor. It sticks through each life. I do not know if I will remember joy. Not if it does not involve him."

Jonothon gave her a long, thoughtful look. And then he was murmuring his reply, just loudly enough to be heard over the music.

"If you don't remember the joy," he said, at last, "then you'll have nothing to miss. Have you ever known joy without him? I have the feeling that so much of your life revolves around Caius, you won't know unless you experience it yourself."

And if this served to only bring her pain into eternity...

He refused to accept that it would.

"It's possible," she conceded, finally looking up. "In my mind, there is no one more important that Caius. I have not attempted to make... connections with others in a very long time."

"And nobody you meet here ever has to be more important than Caius is," Jono assured her. "But friendships... they don't need to replace other friendships. That's the wonderful thing about them, luv. There's no limit to the number you can have."

Living on the Outskirts, Friday, Period 2

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