Personal Improvement Through Science: Aperture Laboratories Presents Physical Education (Wed/Per. 2)

[gladigotburned.livejournal.com]

As was clearly becoming a theme, today's classroom setup was the Aperture Science version of a gymnastics arena: white tiled panels, testing apparatus in place of, well, actual gymnastics apparatus, and a grossly exaggerated sense of scale.

Sort of.

Mainly, the floor-to-ceiling wall that was just on the other side of the ridiculously high "vaulting table" (with an aerial faith plate for a springboard) might be a concern. Also, the three-inch-wide hard light bridge that served as a balance beam was about twenty-five feet off the ground. As for the exit door . . . that was up even higher on one of the walls, with no platform you could even reach via portal.

However much help today's sign was in warning you of any of this was . . . probably negligible.

"Does any of this look vaguely familiar to any of you?" GLaDOS asked the class. "It is an Olympic year so the odds of that are marginally better, but let's just say it's a good thing I don't have any breath to hold. Still. Try not to think too hard. You'll probably strain something and then you'll be even less interesting." For her, that was actually a pretty affectionate statement.

"This next test applies the use of portals to a range of exercises in strength, flexibility, and fine motor control," she went on in a tone that implied she'd be surprised if any of them possessed those qualities. "Maybe if you do well enough, you'll get medals when you're done. Chocolate ones. I might even make sure it's edible chocolate. Good luck."

There so wouldn't be medals. Not even chocolate ones. Honestly, you were probably better off that way. Look, if it was any consolation the pommel horse and all the bar apparatus were perfectly normal, and there was even a padded mat for any tumbling you might want to do.

[OOC: No medals for anyone if you don't wait for the OCD. OCD is up. However, the Enrichment Center regrets to inform you that in a cost-cutting move, the Aperture Science Medal Incentive Program has been discontinued.]

Comments

Sign In [PITS, Week 5]

[gladigotburned.livejournal.com]

Soaring through the air without a care in the world, like an eagle.

Piloting a blimp.

Re: Sign In [PITS, Week 5]

[failsatspirit]

Korra

Re: Sign In [PITS, Week 5]

[fewer_explosions]

Liara T'Soni

Locker Rooms: Before Class [PITS, Week 5]

[gladigotburned.livejournal.com]

Jumpsuits, boots, portal guns, lockers, et cetera. It's all very sophisticated, really.

During the Lecture [PITS, Week 5]

[gladigotburned.livejournal.com]

Because being passive-aggressively insulted by your disembodied voice of a teacher is totally a lecture.

Re: During the Lecture [PITS, Week 5]

[exactlyaverage.livejournal.com]

Jack took one look at the course and groaned. "Are you kidding me?!"

Re: During the Lecture [PITS, Week 5]

[inaskinnyway.livejournal.com]

Susan didn't even both suppressing her eyerolls anymore. She was wondering about the possibility of chocolate medals, though.

Activity: Gymnastics, Aperture-Style [PITS, Week 5]

[gladigotburned.livejournal.com]

There are multiple apparatus at different stations. Go wild.

Gymnastics: Floor Mats [PITS, Week 5]

[gladigotburned.livejournal.com]

Notably, the ceiling above the mats is definitely a portal-holding surface, as is the floor surrounding it. Why not bend the laws of physics to your will to get some serious height?

Re: Gymnastics: Floor Mats [PITS, Week 5]

[ultron_junior]

Victor thought the floor mats looked like the most fun. Between his innate abilities and the fact he'd gotten pretty good with the portal gun by now, he could do stunts that looked and felt almost like flying.

... and, once when he misjudged a distance, a lot like crashing to the ground.

Gymnastics: Pommel Horse [PITS, Week 5]

[gladigotburned.livejournal.com]

It's a totally normal pommel horse (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pommel_horse), save for the giant Aperture Laboratories logo stamped on every surface and even laser-etched into the pommels. And no, GLaDOS doesn't care if it's traditionally an exclusively male event. That would imply that she cared.

Gymnastics: Bar Apparatus [PITS, Week 5]

[gladigotburned.livejournal.com]

They're all here: parallel bars, uneven bars, and the high bar. These, like the floor mats and the pommel horse, are totally normal.

. . . even if they, too, have the Aperture logo everywhere.

Gymnastics: Vault (of Doom?) [PITS, Week 5]

[gladigotburned.livejournal.com]

There's something kind of concerning about a vault runway where you are apparently expected to vault right into a wall (http://ic.pics.livejournal.com/gladigotburned/37922480/33916/33916_original.jpg). A portal-holding wall with a target on it. What you can't see, unless you think of putting a portal high up and another where you can look through it, is that there's a second aerial faith plate atop the high ledge that's supposed to be the vaulting table: either way, you're going to have to figure out how not to splatter yourself all over that wall, because do you know how expensive those panels are? Blood and bodily fluids ruin those things. We can't have that.

Hey, maybe that angled panel on the other side of the wall (http://ic.pics.livejournal.com/gladigotburned/37922480/35225/35225_original.jpg") will help you stick the landing.

(http://gladigotburned.livejournal.com/pics/catalog/1103/35722)

Re: Gymnastics: Vault (of Doom?) [PITS, Week 5]

[exactlyaverage.livejournal.com]

Jack took one look at the vault and... shook his head.

"Nope. Nope. Nope. Not doing it."

Re: Gymnastics: Vault (of Doom?) [PITS, Week 5]

[upmysleeve.livejournal.com]

Right, so it was a logic puzzle. Ace was pretty good at those.

So, while she didn't think of scoping out the top of the vaulting table, she did figure that there had to be something up there that would get her up to the target level, because there was no other option, unless the computer just wanted to kill them all or something.

...oh, Ace.

While pretty good at logic puzzles, she wasn't nearly as good at quickdraw with a portal gun, so when the second faith-plate launched her up toward the wall...

At least she managed to flip around and hit it with her bouncy-boots instead of her face?

So no splatter; just a lot of grumbling from the floor, once she finally landed there.

Gymnastics: Balance -- WTF THAT IS NOT A BEAM [PITS, Week 5]

[gladigotburned.livejournal.com]

Oh, come on. Just balancing on a four-inch-wide piece of wood four feet off the ground isn't challenging enough. Now, balancing on a four-inch-wide bridge made of transparent light and set 25 feet off the ground? That's more like it. Of course, you're going to have to portal up there.

Know the other good thing about having a portal gun, though? If you fall (http://ic.pics.livejournal.com/gladigotburned/37922480/39508/39508_original.jpg), you can always portal yourself right back up (http://ic.pics.livejournal.com/gladigotburned/37922480/38753/38753_original.jpg) onto the "beam," assuming your reflexes are quick enough.

(http://gladigotburned.livejournal.com/pics/catalog/1103/37203)

[OOC: And yes, this is one of those places where the long-fall boots are your friends.]

Re: Gymnastics: Balance -- WTF THAT IS NOT A BEAM [PITS, Week 5]

[genesishero]

Evan... being Evan... was going to make a beeline for this one. Balance-tiny-light-ramp! It seemed completely legitimate to him!

There was going to be a lot of portalling and stretchy-powers abuse while he was over here, yes.

Getting Out Of Here [PITS, Week 5]

[gladigotburned.livejournal.com]

So, about that exit door -- maybe the "balance beam" might be of some use (http://ic.pics.livejournal.com/gladigotburned/37922480/41088/41088_original.jpg) in getting to it . . .

(http://gladigotburned.livejournal.com/pics/catalog/1103/40299)

Locker Rooms: After Class [PITS, Week 5]

[gladigotburned.livejournal.com]

Did you know Aperture started out making shower curtains? It's true. The locker rooms are even equipped with them, in a tribute to the company's origins.

Talk to GLaDOS [PITS, Week 5]

[gladigotburned.livejournal.com]

Because that's always a good time.

Re: Talk to GLaDOS [PITS, Week 5]

[ultron_junior]

Victor had meant to talk to GLaDOS since the first week of class, mostly out of curiosity as to whether she was sentient or if somebody had actually programmed her to act this way. Today, finally, he paused before a speaker and looked right at it.

"Hey, can I ask how the vault was supposed to work?"

He hadn't tried it, and hadn't seen anyone else who had.

Re: Talk to GLaDOS [PITS, Week 5]

[gladigotburned.livejournal.com]

Well, it did look completely insane.

"Well, since I haven't implemented any kind of vocal dampening in here yet to keep any of you from talking --" although she occasionally missed Chell's complete silence enough (in a completely classified way) to consider the option -- "there's nothing stopping you from asking," GLaDOS said, falsely cheerful.

"That doesn't actually guarantee an answer, though." The red light on the nearest camera flickered faintly for a second. "Oh, all right, I'm a little bored. How about a hint?"

Re: Talk to GLaDOS [PITS, Week 5]

[upmysleeve.livejournal.com]

"Oi, Miss!" That was polite, right? She'd said Miss, after all, not Snotty Voice or Whatever You Are. "You recording everything we do (http://fandomhigh.livejournal.com/3222639.html?thread=195725167#t195725167) in here?"

Yes, she was yelling into a camera. But it could just be a monitor...

Re: Talk to GLaDOS [PITS, Week 5]

[dollpocalypse]

And, well, Topher had to scurry after her, because asking had been his idea, hadn't it?

...Okay, no, it'd been Ace's, but Topher had been a part of the conversation. That was critical.

"She means that nicely!" he interjected, looking earnestly up at the GLaDOS camera.

OOC [PITS, Week 5]

[gladigotburned.livejournal.com]

Full screenshot reference gallery (http://gladigotburned.livejournal.com/pics/catalog/1103) this way!

I need to be stopped. Someone take the puzzle maker away from me.

(Pretend there are actually two aerial faith plates as described in the vault OCD. I didn't feel like going back and redoing the whole thing.)