fandomhigh | Detention, Depths of the Castle, Thursday

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detention

Detention, Depths of the Castle, Thursday

Another beautiful day had begun in Fandom, not that anyone in detention would have noticed. The lack of sunlight, the pleasant sound of Umbridge's voice, and the slightly stale smell of breakfast were all important aspects to making every day in detention routine! Surely everyone knew that surprises were no fun.

Look, the week was half over already and no one had been taken out and killed so far. That had to count for something, right?

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Karla didn't allow herself a grin as she let Rinoa fold her arms around her, lead her to sit, even when she buried her face in Rinoa's neck and shuddered for awhile. "You look...I can't bear it, Rinoa. What have they done to you?" She shuddered again and asked in a very small voice, "What will they do to me?"

Rinoa was stroking Karla's hair, terrified by the implication of her words. Was she so small, so unrecognizable now? She hadn't seen a mirror in ages. She was gaunt, she knew, and her eyes had to give away how exhausted she was.

That wasn't important now. She was hushing it as best she could.

"It ... isn't so bad," she lied. "That is, we ... th-they feed us, and it's horrible food, but that's okay. And sometimes ... p-people come here and ... show us things that aren't real. But ... but you're strong. And Sookie helps. She takes me to a field and Angelo plays there."

Did that sound a wee bit crazy? Because Rinoa was holding on to her sanity with her fingernails.

Karla decided to add to that horror with a little bit of despair, yes. It was like brewing a potion, a pinch of this, a dash of that.

"A-Angelo?" Karla let her breath catch. Waver. "Did no one--Oh, Rinoa! I'm so sorry."

And there, there was her last spot of hope slipping.

"An-- ..." Her voice caught. "Angelo?"

It was like her mind couldn't accept it. At first. What did she mean by that? Because she didn't mean -- she couldn't mean --

"........ n-no," she pleaded. Hyne's mercy, Hyne's wrath, Hyne's any thing he had left, not Angelo. "N-no, you -- she isn't --"

Hyne had no mercy.

Angelo, a tiny ball of fuzz romping around the Caraway mansion. Angelo, barking excitedly at whoever came on the Forest Owls' train. Angelo, howling for the sky while she was trapped in space. Angelo had protected her, loved her, better than she could have ever deserved. And ... and she had repaid her w-with ...

Rinoa clapped a hand over her mouth, certain she was going to vomit on her own shoes.

"It wasn't Leon's fault!" Karla protested in the way that meant that it actually really was. "She was just trying to protect him. And when he wouldn't fight back, she charged and..."

Karla put her hand on Rinoa's back and rubbed in small, comforting circles. "We honored her," she said softly. "As best we could."

And had been ripped to pieces, no doubt. She had died violently. Probably painfully. It was Rinoa's fault. All of it was Rinoa's fault. She could taste the bile in the back of her throat and willed herself to breathe, slowly.

Some of it was this piece of shit Leon's fault. He. He hadn't fought back? To save Angelo? What sort of monster --

Some new kid that they were throwing out of the group. Honest.

Except.

"... Leon?" Rinoa asked, scared she already knew the answer.

Someone who had stopped fighting back.

Leonhart.

"Yeah, Leon," Karla said, looking up at Rinoa as if she'd forgotten that the other girl would think of him another way. "He didn't show to the ceremony, but I'm sure that was because he was grieving on his own. You know Leon, always so austere with his emotions. He stopped fighting, kept saying he was a failure, but he always kept an eye on Angelo. Made sure she was fed."

She hiccuped a bit. "Don't be too mad at him?" she pleaded. "He's just...lost his way. Thinks there's nothing he can do, nothing worth fighting for anymore. Angelo paid the price, but maybe this will help him find himself again?" She sounded so dubious about that, though...

Made sure she was fed.

Rinoa.

Rinoa had been taken in months ago. She had believed that Squall was looking for her, would do anything for her, was killing everyone between the two of them.

What if that wasn't true?

What if everything she knew about Squall was wrong?

Quistis had told her. What Squall had been like. How he had rolled his eyes and said "go talk to a wall" while she was trying to open up to him. He was like that with everyone. Always had been.

Rinoa had seen another layer, under him. Someone vulnerable and in need and --

And what if that was what she had wanted to see?

What if Squall just ... didn't care about things the way other people did? What if he'd been broken too young and had never healed? Or ... or had grown, and changed, but had reverted back to his old self with her gone. Or ...............

It didn't matter. The Squall she knew was gone. There was no Squall she knew. Just the projection of who she had thought he was.

And he wasn't. He.

No one had loved her dog, while she was gone. Angelo had died alone and scared and wishing to get back a Mommy who never showed her face again. What if Angelo had died thinking that Rinoa had left? Had chosen to leave?

What if Angelo had died as alone and abandoned as she herself was right now?

Rinoa had no words. No defenses. She was so very tired, and her garden ... her garden was nothing but dead flowers and twigs.

Rinoa slumped over, her head in her hands, and began to cry.

And Karla? Karla just grinned.

Edited 2012-07-26 22:17 (UTC)

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Detention, Depths of the Castle, Thursday

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