http://scary-jeff.livejournal.com/ (![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png)
scary-jeff.livejournal.com) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
fandomhigh2012-06-04 02:05 pm
scary-jeff.livejournal.com) wrote in fandomhigh2012-06-04 02:05 pm
Entry tags:
Relationship Ed, Monday
"Today, I'm going to talk to you about dating myths," Jeff announced. "I'm sure you've all heard one or two--" he was probably personally responsible for tossing several dozen into the pool, and if he hadn't accomplished that with this group, he was probably about to start, "--and they can really make it difficult for a man-- or a woman-- what's really going on."
"For example, as it turns out, your mother won't actually turn up with a miniature guillotine if you kiss someone," he said wisely. "I know many of you must have worried about that." No, just you, Jeff. "If someone tells you they've got a surprise for you and you're at the office, the proper response is not to start stripping--" Not a myth, Jeff, just something stupid you did, "--because it could be a birthday party."
He gave them all the thumbs up.
"You can't actually explode from not having sex for a long time," he continued, "though you can actually swallow handcuff keys. I've got a list of useful laxatives if you need it." Yes. "And if you ever have a manly reaction at a funeral, the best thing you can do is just to go out the door. Do not under any circumstance hide behind a coffin!"
Hey, that one wasn't him. That one was Steve.
"And, er, what was I talking about again?"
Myths, Jeff. Not that you'd been talking about any for at least three out of the last five minutes. "Oh, right, the fork," he said, thinking aloud. "All right. This one is actually really important. Some of us - often men, but I don't want to discriminate, so let's just say some - tend to be really direct about everything. We just ask people if they want to have sex."
Well, possibly not Jeff. Jeff would probably tell ten terrible lies and then hide under a duvet. "Other people are not so straightforward," he continued. "They'll be all nice and acting like they want to be friends and everything, so you go along with it and you're talking normally, and then suddenly they hit you with the Fork."
"They ask you a question, and it's not immediately obvious, but there are only two possible answers." He gestured wildly. This was a traumatizing experience from his past. "Either you have sex with them, or you tell them they're ugly. That's the Fork. Always be wary of the Fork! The Fork could strike at any time!"
Yes.
"In no case should you try to wriggle out of the Fork," he finished. "Trust me on this one. It never ends well." In his case, it ended in the girl assuming he was a necrophiliac.
He paused for a while. "I was just going to tell you to ask me about any myths you may have heard, but that's a good one, actually," he said. "Pair up in teams of two. One of you lures the other person into the fork, and the other person has to get out of it because they're already dating someone."
"For example, as it turns out, your mother won't actually turn up with a miniature guillotine if you kiss someone," he said wisely. "I know many of you must have worried about that." No, just you, Jeff. "If someone tells you they've got a surprise for you and you're at the office, the proper response is not to start stripping--" Not a myth, Jeff, just something stupid you did, "--because it could be a birthday party."
He gave them all the thumbs up.
"You can't actually explode from not having sex for a long time," he continued, "though you can actually swallow handcuff keys. I've got a list of useful laxatives if you need it." Yes. "And if you ever have a manly reaction at a funeral, the best thing you can do is just to go out the door. Do not under any circumstance hide behind a coffin!"
Hey, that one wasn't him. That one was Steve.
"And, er, what was I talking about again?"
Myths, Jeff. Not that you'd been talking about any for at least three out of the last five minutes. "Oh, right, the fork," he said, thinking aloud. "All right. This one is actually really important. Some of us - often men, but I don't want to discriminate, so let's just say some - tend to be really direct about everything. We just ask people if they want to have sex."
Well, possibly not Jeff. Jeff would probably tell ten terrible lies and then hide under a duvet. "Other people are not so straightforward," he continued. "They'll be all nice and acting like they want to be friends and everything, so you go along with it and you're talking normally, and then suddenly they hit you with the Fork."
"They ask you a question, and it's not immediately obvious, but there are only two possible answers." He gestured wildly. This was a traumatizing experience from his past. "Either you have sex with them, or you tell them they're ugly. That's the Fork. Always be wary of the Fork! The Fork could strike at any time!"
Yes.
"In no case should you try to wriggle out of the Fork," he finished. "Trust me on this one. It never ends well." In his case, it ended in the girl assuming he was a necrophiliac.
He paused for a while. "I was just going to tell you to ask me about any myths you may have heard, but that's a good one, actually," he said. "Pair up in teams of two. One of you lures the other person into the fork, and the other person has to get out of it because they're already dating someone."
Re: Sign In!
Re: Sign In!
Re: Sign In!
Re: Sign In!
Re: Sign In!