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fandomhigh2012-05-28 01:53 pm
scary-jeff.livejournal.com) wrote in fandomhigh2012-05-28 01:53 pm
Entry tags:
Relationship Ed, Monday
"So you've gotten around to the naked bits," Jeff began.
Sitting in front of every student was a dress-up doll and a bunch of stickers with numbers on them. This was going to go marvelously well, obviously.
"Congratulations," he added, whole-heartedly, and gave them both thumbs up. "But! Now comes the really tricky bit." Because clearly things hadn't been tricky enough up to this point. "Clothes! There's a lot that can go really really wrong when you're taking your clothes off. And I'm not just talking about getting stuck in your own trousers and falling off the bed or anything, because that's the advanced stuff. No, I'm talking about the really elementary thing, the overlooked problem that could send you soaring screaming to apocalyptic doom: Socks!"
Anyone who'd paid attention to their dolls might at this point notice that they were, in fact, all also wearing socks. That amount of attention to detail was what made Jeff's class what it was, all right?
"The most important question when you're about to get with someone is this. When do you take your socks off? The timing is critical. It's got to be after your shoes, obviously, but before your pants, because otherwise you're a naked man in socks--"
Beat.
"Or a naked woman in socks. Actually, I'm not sure how this works for women exactly, but I can tell you this: no woman would let a naked man in socks do the squelchy with her. This is the Sock Gap, the most deadly trap in all the realms of earthly delights. Don't laugh! Many men have fallen through it before you. Maybe many women have, too."
He gestured with abandon as he spoke. "The corpses of a million squelchy bits lay here in this naked pit of Socks!" he announced. "And only you have the power to keep yourself from joining them!"
He picked up a sheet of stickers. "You have three minutes," he said, "To label all the items of clothing on the dolls in the order you would have to take them off to avoid falling into the Sock Gap, or tying up your legs and falling off, or getting stuck in the Prison of Sleeves-- there are many ways to wander off the path, students! You will not do so on my watch!"
... Yes.
Thank you, Jeff.
Sitting in front of every student was a dress-up doll and a bunch of stickers with numbers on them. This was going to go marvelously well, obviously.
"Congratulations," he added, whole-heartedly, and gave them both thumbs up. "But! Now comes the really tricky bit." Because clearly things hadn't been tricky enough up to this point. "Clothes! There's a lot that can go really really wrong when you're taking your clothes off. And I'm not just talking about getting stuck in your own trousers and falling off the bed or anything, because that's the advanced stuff. No, I'm talking about the really elementary thing, the overlooked problem that could send you soaring screaming to apocalyptic doom: Socks!"
Anyone who'd paid attention to their dolls might at this point notice that they were, in fact, all also wearing socks. That amount of attention to detail was what made Jeff's class what it was, all right?
"The most important question when you're about to get with someone is this. When do you take your socks off? The timing is critical. It's got to be after your shoes, obviously, but before your pants, because otherwise you're a naked man in socks--"
Beat.
"Or a naked woman in socks. Actually, I'm not sure how this works for women exactly, but I can tell you this: no woman would let a naked man in socks do the squelchy with her. This is the Sock Gap, the most deadly trap in all the realms of earthly delights. Don't laugh! Many men have fallen through it before you. Maybe many women have, too."
He gestured with abandon as he spoke. "The corpses of a million squelchy bits lay here in this naked pit of Socks!" he announced. "And only you have the power to keep yourself from joining them!"
He picked up a sheet of stickers. "You have three minutes," he said, "To label all the items of clothing on the dolls in the order you would have to take them off to avoid falling into the Sock Gap, or tying up your legs and falling off, or getting stuck in the Prison of Sleeves-- there are many ways to wander off the path, students! You will not do so on my watch!"
... Yes.
Thank you, Jeff.
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Listen to the Lecture
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And then she heard "do the squelchy."
And now sex was gross.
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NO SQUELCHY, MR. JEFF!
Stick Stickers On Dolls!
... No, they're not anatomically correct.
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"Does anyone actually worry about this stuff?"
He never had. He was honestly more concerned about the fact that his doll didn't have a cool scarf.
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[OOC: Going swimming, back later!]
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Also because he liked talking to cute girls he wasn't related to. Now that he was getting out of his mopey phase.
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"Hello, Stacey," he said, smile widening some. He even held out his doll-free hand. "Jeremy Darling, nice to meet you."
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Talk to Jeff
OOC
The Sock Gap (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uy1_1TUrWs8) as originally described by Jeff Murdock, ladies and gents.