Childcare For Dummies [Thursday, May 24, 2012]

[sith_happened]

The room was filled with the sound of wailing babies and toddlers, and was definitely more pungent than usual.

Be afraid, children. Be very afraid.

"Ah, the smell of fresh diapers in the morning. Don'tcha love it?" Deadpool said brightly. "It's like sitting in New Jersey."

“Or Nar Shaddaa during the humid season,” Anakin said because that would help anyone but Atton. “Clearly the children can’t stay like this. You could try to potty train them but that, frankly, takes the kind of alcohol we can’t provide to students.”

Deadpool nodded enthusiastically at that. "There was this time with Jan--wait, you kids don't need to know that story. Cliff Notes: we had to get a new couch."

Ew.

"So, you all are gonna learn how well a kid who is old enough to walk around does when you have to change them. Here's a hint: not well. Hint number two: oh god, what is that brown smudge on the wall? Hint three: It's not chocolate."

“Ew,” Anakin said, making a face. “That was not my modification. Also Juliet peed on the dog last week. I’m not sure who was more upset--there was a lot of crying from everyone.”

"Ooo! Ooo! The dog," Deadpool suggested. "I know the score here."

They were the worst teachers ever on this subject, you know. Or the best. One of those two.

“Anyway,” Anakin said. “This is a diaper.” He held one up. “The tabby things go around their waists. Do not substitute or augment with duct tape, staples, or--no matter how much they beg--sparkly princess stickers.”

Deadpool made a sad face at the no on duct tape being used. Because it was amazing, Anakin. Amazing. "Soooo, you kids are gonna practice on some children who have not had naps and drank way too much apple juice leading up to this. Because it's not a challenge without adding a few fun things in there."

“If you must, you may watch a brief instructional video for more details,” Anakin concluded. Too bad it was about making a baby out of diapers instead of diapering a baby.

Oops?

Comments

Sign in [5/24]

[sith_happened]

Like the room stinks.

Re: Sign in [5/24]

[dollpocalypse]

Topher Brink

Re: Sign in [5/24]

[suitably_heroic]

Atton Rand

Re: Sign in [5/24]

[rilla-myrilla.livejournal.com]

Rilla Blythe

Re: Sign in [5/24]

[trickydemigod.livejournal.com]

Luke Castellan

Re: Sign in [5/24]

[twintuitionist.livejournal.com]

Juliet Darling

Re: Sign in [5/24]

[hasadestiny]

Lex Luthor

Re: Sign in [5/24]

[serial-quitter.livejournal.com]

Ryan Clark

Re: Sign in [5/24]

[myownface]

Sparkle

[seaweed-demigod.livejournal.com]

Percy Jackson

[inaskinnyway.livejournal.com]

Susan Sto Helit

[holy-daughter.livejournal.com]

Lucrezia Borgia

Watch the Instructional Video

[sith_happened]

Which isn't all that instructive, really.

Re: Watch the Instructional Video

[suitably_heroic]

Yeah, that look on Atton's face had been there since Anakin mentioned Nar Shaddaa during the humid season. Give him trauma flashbacks, why don't you?

... the instructional video and the ensuing activity was not much better. The expression remained.

Re: Watch the Instructional Video

[twintuitionist.livejournal.com]

Juliet sat down to watch the video, intending to watch it again and again until she understood the subtle nuances of diapering.

Or until class was over, whichever came first.

Either way, she figured diaper changing was a big part of what nannies were for, so she wasn't sure why she had to do it in class.

Re: Watch the Instructional Video

[myownface]

Yep. Those diapers were totally sucking on a binky.

Sparkle just shook his head a lot during the whole ordeal. Diapers should never be assigned a gender and made to wear cute little baby sleepers. Ever.

Re: Watch the Instructional Video

[holy-daughter.livejournal.com]

Lucrezia was impressed by the modern adaptations to nappies. Securing with adhesive instead of pins would eliminate the possibility of sticking the child. Of course, securing the child him- or herself had not changed much in the centuries; she wondered how old her s nephew was, now, considering the oddities of how time passed here instead of there.

Diaper a Baby

[sith_happened]

If you can keep one still long enough to change it. These were toddlers programmed by Deadpool and Anakin, and they think watching you suffer is hilarious.

Re: Diaper a Baby

[dollpocalypse]

Topher... had been beaten up by a goat this morning. And it had stolen his PSP. He was in no mood for toddlers.

So he was currently attempting to hide. Like a mature... oh, whatever.

Re: Diaper a Baby

[rilla-myrilla.livejournal.com]

"Are you hiding?" Rilla asked with a frown.

Re: Diaper a Baby

[dollpocalypse]

...

...

"...no."

Topher, the word you were looking for was 'yes.'

Re: Diaper a Baby

[rilla-myrilla.livejournal.com]

"Honestly," Rilla said, sounding exasperated. "They're just children. I do this a dozen times a day."

Re: Diaper a Baby

[dollpocalypse]

"And some people pick up after goats at petting zoos a dozen times a day," Topher rationalized. "But a goat kicked me in the face this morning."

Because Topher was Ted Mosby, or something.

Re: Diaper a Baby

[rilla-myrilla.livejournal.com]

"What did you to do to provoke the goat?" Rilla asked, arching up an eyebrow.

Re: Diaper a Baby

[dollpocalypse]

"Played a video game!" Really! Nothing else!

...Well.

"Also I might have insulted its parentage."

Re: Diaper a Baby

[rilla-myrilla.livejournal.com]

Rilla sighed heavily. "Why did you insult its parentage?"

Re: Diaper a Baby

[dollpocalypse]

"Because," Topher said. "It stole my PSP."

Reasonable, right?

Re: Diaper a Baby

[rilla-myrilla.livejournal.com]

"That's the video game thing, right?" Rilla asked, sounding unsure.

She hadn't run into a goat yet, probably because she didn't use electronics.

Re: Diaper a Baby

[dollpocalypse]

"It was," Topher agreed. "Before the goat took it from me."

He had three others. In varying colors. But still.

Re: Diaper a Baby

[rilla-myrilla.livejournal.com]

"Goats can't play video games!"

Yes, Rilla, that was the weird part here.

Re: Diaper a Baby

[dollpocalypse]

"But they can eat them," Topher said with a sad sigh.

Re: Diaper a Baby

[rilla-myrilla.livejournal.com]

"That can't be nutritious," Rilla declared.

Re: Diaper a Baby

[dollpocalypse]

"Or fun for me!"

Fucking goats, man.

Re: Diaper a Baby

[rilla-myrilla.livejournal.com]

"Or that, but I think the goat must be in pain," Rilla said.

Re: Diaper a Baby

[dollpocalypse]

"From being dumb enough to eat a PSP, probably," Topher said. "Maybe it should've thought of that."

Re: Diaper a Baby

[rilla-myrilla.livejournal.com]

"Goats aren't really known for thinking," Rilla admitted.

Re: Diaper a Baby

[myownface]

Sparkle looked at his toddler. And then at the diapers. And then at the toddler.

"So, you can sit still and let me change you," he informed the kid, "or you can marinate in your own crap for the rest of the period. It isn't me who has to suffer the diaper rash, squirt."

Re: Diaper a Baby

[holy-daughter.livejournal.com]

"All right," Lucrezia said, scooping up one toddler with a very no-nonsense affect. "You aren't going to be pleased with me, and I doubt I shall be pleased with you, but at the end of this, you will be clean and dry, and we'll both be the happier. Cooperate and this shall be over faster, do you understand?"

She doubted that the child could be reasoned with, but it seemed like at least making a stab at logic couldn't be a bad thing. Also, the efficient tone of voice might make the child fall in line.

Talk to the Teachers

[sith_happened]

Who might be a little too excited about getting to punch goats today.

OOC

[sith_happened]

I got to sleep in today!

Re: OOC

[selfhelphero]

I don't know why Also Juliet peed on the dog last week is making me laugh uncontrollably, but omg dying go on without me.