Anakin Skywalker (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
sith_happened) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
fandomhigh2012-05-10 09:35 am
sith_happened) wrote in fandomhigh2012-05-10 09:35 am
Entry tags:
Childcare For Dummies [Thursday, May 10, 2012]
The classroom’s walls were brightly colored, and there were books, toys, and far too many stickers strewn about on tables just the right height for normal-sized humans to crack their shins into. There was also, should anyone be the sort to not wear shoes, a minefield of lego pieces scattered all around.
Just be glad they weren't making you kids walk through that classroom in the dark.
Yet. That was more advanced-level work. There was a distinct aroma of spilled apple juice and someone who hadn’t quite made it to the potty on time. Look, your teachers were just really dedicated to the authentic experience. You should all be glad they cared that much about your education.
“This is ‘Don’t Screw Up a Kid Too Badly’ class,” Anakin told him from where he was perched precariously in a bean bag chair.
Deadpool on the other hand, wasn't doing so well in his beanbag chair. Something about not having fruity Jedi powers. But that was neither here nor there. "As the man said, we're gonna show you how to raise a--semi-normal child in an environment such as Fandom. Where kids might randomly wake up to find that mommy and daddy have turned into small monsters that are forced to fight against each other in a vicious battle. Or their douchey clone who never wears a shirt."
A beat.
"Hypothetically speaking."
“Or cries all the time,” Anakin said, making a face. “Also hypothetically. The most important thing to learn about small children is that they have the attention span of a monkey-lizard on glitterstim, so you have to have at least four things for them to be doing ready at all times, or else they will find something to do. Like climb the bookcase, or let the dog out the front door, or paint the sofa with glitter puffy paint.”
"One time they might, hypothetically, end up trying to make breakfast with everything in the freezer because they're like these horrible monsters that want food all the time," Deadpool added. "I don't even know how she got into the freezer!"
Anakin snorted. “To get you used to this, we have a series of activities set up and we will ring a buzzer--” an insanely loud buzzer, “--to let you know when you need to switch to a new activity.”
"And for the love of all that is holy, don't eat the--!*($#@--what was that? Oh god, am I back in the comics code rules again?" Deadpool asked, grabbing at his throat. "No! I want back to MAX rules! Where I can stab everyone and say things like &$*#! And %@#*!"
Anakin stared at him. “This happens some times,” he said, vaguely apologetic. He clapped his hands and thehorrifying horrifying sounds of a purple dinosaur singing about how much he loved you echoed through the room. “No children today. We’re starting you off easy.”
They weren’t.
Just be glad they weren't making you kids walk through that classroom in the dark.
Yet. That was more advanced-level work. There was a distinct aroma of spilled apple juice and someone who hadn’t quite made it to the potty on time. Look, your teachers were just really dedicated to the authentic experience. You should all be glad they cared that much about your education.
“This is ‘Don’t Screw Up a Kid Too Badly’ class,” Anakin told him from where he was perched precariously in a bean bag chair.
Deadpool on the other hand, wasn't doing so well in his beanbag chair. Something about not having fruity Jedi powers. But that was neither here nor there. "As the man said, we're gonna show you how to raise a--semi-normal child in an environment such as Fandom. Where kids might randomly wake up to find that mommy and daddy have turned into small monsters that are forced to fight against each other in a vicious battle. Or their douchey clone who never wears a shirt."
A beat.
"Hypothetically speaking."
“Or cries all the time,” Anakin said, making a face. “Also hypothetically. The most important thing to learn about small children is that they have the attention span of a monkey-lizard on glitterstim, so you have to have at least four things for them to be doing ready at all times, or else they will find something to do. Like climb the bookcase, or let the dog out the front door, or paint the sofa with glitter puffy paint.”
"One time they might, hypothetically, end up trying to make breakfast with everything in the freezer because they're like these horrible monsters that want food all the time," Deadpool added. "I don't even know how she got into the freezer!"
Anakin snorted. “To get you used to this, we have a series of activities set up and we will ring a buzzer--” an insanely loud buzzer, “--to let you know when you need to switch to a new activity.”
"And for the love of all that is holy, don't eat the--!*($#@--what was that? Oh god, am I back in the comics code rules again?" Deadpool asked, grabbing at his throat. "No! I want back to MAX rules! Where I can stab everyone and say things like &$*#! And %@#*!"
Anakin stared at him. “This happens some times,” he said, vaguely apologetic. He clapped his hands and the
They weren’t.
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