screwyoumarvel (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
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fandomhigh2012-02-14 05:03 am
screwyoumarvel) wrote in fandomhigh2012-02-14 05:03 am
Entry tags:
Sex Ed, Tuesday, First Period
"I would like to apologize for last week," Steve began class today. "I was unexpectedly called away." There had been Skrulls. "Now, let's talk about pregnancy." Steve was so glad he'd picked the unsexiest of all sex ed classes for this week. So, so glad. "Pregnancy is how--barring crazy witches, mad scientists, and other such factors--new life is created. Now, half of you--again, barring crazy witches or mad scientists--will never be pregnant. You may feel a sense of relief over that, and it's understandable. Yes, it is a miraculous process, but it is not a fun process, and definitely not one that should be undertaken by teenagers. Ahem."
"Generally speaking, women are able to conceive around five days per twenty-eight day menstrual cycle." Why yes, Steve was turning quite pink. Something about the words 'menstrual cycle.' "As I mentioned previously, if you're pre-modern, your best bet as far as birth control goes is to figure out when those days are using a fertility chart and avoid intercourse during that period. It's not one hundred percent foolproof, but it's probably the best system available unless your universe happens to have something I'm not aware of. "Now we'll watch a short film on conception."
Once the film was over, Steve continued talking. "Some early indicators of pregnancy include a missed period, swollen or tender, um, breasts, fatigue, 'morning' sickness, which is a form of nausea and can actually happen at any time of the day, and needing to um, urinate often. There are other possible explanations for all of these symptoms, but if you're experiencing more than one of them, it might be a good idea to purchase a pregnancy test or make an appointment with your doctor. As soon as you find out you're pregnant, it's important to stop smoking and drinking alcohol and, unfortunate as this may sound to many of you, cut out caffeine.
"Pregnancy is generally divided into three three-month periods, or trimesters. There are handouts about the three trimesters on your desks. During the first trimester, all of the indicators of early pregnancy mentioned above are experienced, along with mood swings, headaches, backaches, and food cravings--hence the stereotype of 'pickles and ice cream.' During the second trimester some of those symptoms will go away, to be replaced by the abdomen expanding, which changes balance, and shortness of breath. The third trimester basically entails walking around with a watermelon strapped to your stomach and kicking you in the kidneys, while you're suffering from heartburn, sore feet, and hemorrhoids. At the end of it you do get a baby, though," he said with a wry smile. "Gentlemen, your role during all of this is to do whatever the woman wants you to do. Full stop. Now we're going to watch the least horrifying video about childbirth I could find."
When the video was complete, Steve said, "Childbirth is different for every woman, and negotiating it is something you really should discuss with your health care professional, should you become pregnant. You're welcome to take the rest of the class to discuss why you're absolutely not going to become teen pregnancy statistics."
((Videos and links not necessarily SFW.))
"Generally speaking, women are able to conceive around five days per twenty-eight day menstrual cycle." Why yes, Steve was turning quite pink. Something about the words 'menstrual cycle.' "As I mentioned previously, if you're pre-modern, your best bet as far as birth control goes is to figure out when those days are using a fertility chart and avoid intercourse during that period. It's not one hundred percent foolproof, but it's probably the best system available unless your universe happens to have something I'm not aware of. "Now we'll watch a short film on conception."
Once the film was over, Steve continued talking. "Some early indicators of pregnancy include a missed period, swollen or tender, um, breasts, fatigue, 'morning' sickness, which is a form of nausea and can actually happen at any time of the day, and needing to um, urinate often. There are other possible explanations for all of these symptoms, but if you're experiencing more than one of them, it might be a good idea to purchase a pregnancy test or make an appointment with your doctor. As soon as you find out you're pregnant, it's important to stop smoking and drinking alcohol and, unfortunate as this may sound to many of you, cut out caffeine.
"Pregnancy is generally divided into three three-month periods, or trimesters. There are handouts about the three trimesters on your desks. During the first trimester, all of the indicators of early pregnancy mentioned above are experienced, along with mood swings, headaches, backaches, and food cravings--hence the stereotype of 'pickles and ice cream.' During the second trimester some of those symptoms will go away, to be replaced by the abdomen expanding, which changes balance, and shortness of breath. The third trimester basically entails walking around with a watermelon strapped to your stomach and kicking you in the kidneys, while you're suffering from heartburn, sore feet, and hemorrhoids. At the end of it you do get a baby, though," he said with a wry smile. "Gentlemen, your role during all of this is to do whatever the woman wants you to do. Full stop. Now we're going to watch the least horrifying video about childbirth I could find."
When the video was complete, Steve said, "Childbirth is different for every woman, and negotiating it is something you really should discuss with your health care professional, should you become pregnant. You're welcome to take the rest of the class to discuss why you're absolutely not going to become teen pregnancy statistics."
((Videos and links not necessarily SFW.))
Re: During the Lecture
Hopefully, oh god comics.