Today on a very special episode of Jeff and Jamie's Class...

[multi-madrox.livejournal.com]

"Good morning class," Jamie said cheerfully as the students wandered in. "Today we're going to be dealing with some... special issues. Why are they special? Well because at some point the American Broadcasting Company thought they were special and made a television show about it. Or if you watched NBC at all it was just a show called meta for Blossum."

"So these are all the things people should know how to deal with," Jeff segued neatly. "It's like... a guidebook to living! Except without explaining all the most important things, like what to say to a woman, or when to take your socks off when you're about to sleep with someone."

Jamie opened his mouth to say something until what Jeff said registered in his brain. He took a moment to boggle at his co-teacher before continuing on. "Today in class you will be assigned a situation based on one of this after school special issues. And since this is Fandom, we've updated those issues so it would be appropriate for this environment. Then you will have to work with your classmates or us in order to resolve your problem. Anything else to add Jeff?"

"Some of these scenarios might be a bit... traumatic," Jeff added. "If it gets to be too much, you're free to run out for a bathroom break."

He held up both of his thumbs. "Good luck!"

And then there were assignments:
Sam Puckett: I'm preggers with an alien baby
Dave Nelson: I've just shrunk to the size of a action figure
Cara: I'm hooked on powdered gremlin
Rilla Blythe: People judge me for eating penguins which is part of my religion
Butters Stoch: I accidentally convinced my girlfriend I'm quadriplegic.
Stacey McGill: My trousers keep falling off in embarrassing places.
Miley Stewart: I can't stop saying 'gusset' at inappropriate times.
Jeremy Darling: I'm naked. That's it.
Jace Wayland: My father is half greyhound and I keep chasing my own tail
Juliet Darling: Monkeys keep throwing asparagus at my head
Anna Korlov: When I cry it rains chocolate pudding
Hank Venture: I've become allergic to anyone who is affected by an after school special
Elphaba Thropp: Everyone judges me because I'm part camel
Jim Hawkins: Hooked on Phonics
Billy Kaplan: I constantly move like Jagger.
Sov: Smoking is cool.
Hanna Marin: Boys only find me attractive when I wear underwear on my head

Comments

Sign In!

[multi-madrox.livejournal.com]

Like you feel special!

Re: Sign In!

[wrongkindofsith]

Cara

Lecture!

[multi-madrox.livejournal.com]

Yes. The teacher's are very special, aren't they?

Re: Lecture!

[wrongkindofsith]

Yeah, Cara was just going to continue with that staring thing she had going.

Re: Lecture!

[iwishiwasbig.livejournal.com]

Dave enjoyed this class for one reason and one reason alone: it gave him plenty of practice with incredulous staring.

That said, he was trying to give some thought to that sock question. It wasn't anything he'd ever had to concern himself with, but it was curious.

Assignment

[multi-madrox.livejournal.com]

Where you can act special!

Re: Assignment

[wrongkindofsith]

Cara had no idea why someone would powder a gremlin, or why she'd apparently be 'hooked' on it. So she was just leaning against a wall.

Of course she'd be doing that even if she did understand it...

Re: Assignment

[its-theclimb.livejournal.com]

Miley closed her eyes for a moment, then said, in a tone that was not terribly enthusiastic, "Gusset."

Re: Assignment

[twintuitionist.livejournal.com]

Juliet thought about hers for a moment, then dug a miniature umbrella out of her backpack, opened it, and propped it over her head.

See? Asparagus problem totally solved. Now she could read Life & Style in peace.

Re: Assignment

[child-of-rer.livejournal.com]

This was a little confusing. Sov had only tried smoking once and coughed horribly, and then fallen asleep and dreamt strange dreams. Of course, that had been on Gethen, and it might not be the same plant they used here.

"Um," they began.

Re: Assignment

[hurtingzeebo]

Sam sighed. "Oh no," she said, and flailed her hands at her sides unenthusiasticly. "I'm pregnant with an alien baby."

Really, it was as if this assignment was written by Freddie or something. Why couldn't she have gotten the pudding rain one?

Re: Assignment

[stars_and_money]

Jeremy looked confused. That happened a lot in this class.

... And possibly life in general.

Anyway. "Why's being naked a problem?"

Re: Assignment

[rilla-myrilla.livejournal.com]

"WHY DO I HAVE TO EAT PENGUINS?!"

Not for real, Rilla. Shh.

Re: Assignment

[didntchewgrass.livejournal.com]

"What exact part of me is supposed to be camel?" Elphaba said, frowning bitterly.

Re: Assignment

[ihavediabetes.livejournal.com]

"Am I from the same thing as the guy who's naked or is the fact that my pants keep falling off unrelated?" Stacey asked.

Re: Assignment

[selfhelphero]

"Do I seriously have to dance?" Billy asked. That was what he was assuming his assignment meant, at least.

Re: Assignment

[iwishiwasbig.livejournal.com]

"Alas," Dave sighed. "I am slightly shorter than I was before." Alas.

Re: Assignment

[dressedinblood]

Anna wasn't planning on crying...especially since her tears looked like inky water to start with.

The TA's!

[multi-madrox.livejournal.com]

Who are special in their own way

Re: The TA's!

[its-theclimb.livejournal.com]

"Gusset. Gusset. Gusset."

Maybe she could make it into a song? That would be more interesting, at least.

Re: The TA's!

[hurtingzeebo]

Sam was texting Carly on her PearPhone.

Mostly because it was the most pointed way she could think of right now to not do any work without actually falling asleep.

She knew better than to fall asleep around Jamie.

The Teachers

[multi-madrox.livejournal.com]

Who are still very special

Re: The Teachers

[scary-jeff.livejournal.com]

Jeff was special, yes! Very special.

And possibly also more than averagely acquainted with some of these issues.

[multi-madrox.livejournal.com]

Next week on a very special episode of Jeff and Jamie teach a class:

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! HOTTENTOTS!"

[nookiepowered]

Y'all are effed up, yo. In all the best ways.