Ash's Art Appreciation, Lecture #10

[names-ash.livejournal.com]

Ash paces in front of the classroom, wearing a full black suit, white shirt, black tie, and a black hat.

The room is dark, and he's wearing sunglasses.

When all the students take their seats, he begins to sing.

And dance.



Comin’ to ya on a dusty road
Good lovin’ I got a truck load
And when you get it you got something
So don’t worry cause I’m coming

I’m a soul man
I’m a soul man
I’m a soul man
I’m a soul man

Got what I got the hard way
And I’ll make it better each and every day
So honey don’t you fret
Cause you ain’t seen nothing yet

I’m a soul man
I’m a soul man
Play it steve!
I’m a soul man
I’m a soul man

Listen
I was brought up on a side street
I learned how to love before I could eat
I was educated from good stock
When I start lovin’ I just can’t stop

I’m a soul man
I’m a soul man
I’m a soul man
I’m a soul man

Well grab the rope and I’ll pull you in
Give you hope and be your only boyfriend
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

I’m a soul man
I’m a soul man
You’re a soul man
I’m a soul man
I’m a soul man
I’m a soul man


"A-hem," he says after finishing his routine. "This ain't no music class, but I've got a list of art related musicly questions for everyone.

One, What makes music special?
Two, What makes the Blues special?
Three, Why do my balls itch?
Four, How many nuns would a nun-chuck chuck, if a nun-chuck would chuck nuns?
Five, Has anyone ever seen Doctor Carter outside her classroom? I'm beginning to think she's avoiding me.
Six, What's love got to do with it?
Seven, What exactly is the 'That' which Meatloaf refers to?
Eight, How Many Roads must a man walk down, before they call him a man?
Nine, Who would win in a fight: The Three Tenors or The Stooges?
Ten, What if God was one of us?
Eleven, Does anyone have photos of a certain Strip Triad game?
Twelve, Does anyone have videos of a certain Strip Triad game?
Thirteen, If you have a marching band going down the street playing in 3/4 time, and another marching the opposite direction playing in 7/8 time, what's the likelyhood of anyone caring when they run into each other in a scene of utter brassed-out carnage?

Also, you'll find copies of Cosmo under each of your desks. Please fill out the quizes inside and return to my office by the end of the term. That will be your final. Now get to the discussion, kiddos"

Comments

[stykera]

Stark, as usual, has no idea what Ash was on about. But he makes an attempt at some of the questions anyway.

"One: um. Which music? Your music? Any music?
Five: No
Six: Everything.
Seven: Meatloaf that talks? Did it come from the cafeteria?
Eight: If he's a man walking down roads, haven't they already called him a man by saying he's a man walking down roads?
Nine: The Stooges. Those are the ones who poke each other in the eye, yes?
Ten: Which God?
Thirteen: People like carnage. There is a good chance they will care. Especially if it is very loud carnage."

Then he picked up his copy of Cosmo and flipped through it, wide-eyed.