Ash's Art Appreciations, Lecture #9

[names-ash.livejournal.com]

Ash paces back and forth in front of the classroom, until he's satisfied with the number of students in the seats. He then stops pacing, opens a book, and begins reading.

He's reading "Green Eggs and Hamelt".

When he is finished, he shuts the book and asks the questions for discussion.

"Alright knuckleheads. Say you were making a still-life painting of eggs and ham, and you decided to paint the eggs green. Here are your questions:

One, would Dr. Seuss sue you?

Two, Would it be art?

Three, Would it taste good?

Four, Would you paint it on a boat?

Five, Would you paint it with a goat?

Six, Why does my TA get naked for other people?

Seven, What would Brian Boitano Do?

Eight, Who's on First?

Nine, What is the Airspeed Velocity of an Unladen Swallow?

Ten, Why are there so many songs about rainbows?

Eleven, Why do I keep dreaming of Leonardo Da Vinci coming back to life and beating me to death with an easel?

Twelve, What did you think of the book?


Alright, discuss!

Comments

[krycek-rat.livejournal.com]

Moving carefully, as if maybe somewhat sore, Krycek sits down. He's wearing a suspiciously familiar fez.

"One, I'm pretty sure Mr. Geisel died. His eggs are likely pretty green by now and he doesn't care about yours.

Two-" He shrugs.

"Three, profit. ...Actually, I think food coloring might work better if you intend to eat it.

Four, maybe.

Five, why not? Animal paintings sell.

Six, because you're a chauvinistic ne'er-do-well who's probably old enough to be her father.

Seven, skate.

Eight, yes.

Nine, to belabor the point, African or European?

Ten, because that's part of what rainbows do.

Eleven, see Jake's answer.

Twelve, it could have used salt."

[names-ash.livejournal.com]

If Ash had been paying attention to anything other than the fez and his fears of Leonardo Da Zombie, Krycek would probably be getting some strange and angry reactions.

Instead, Ash runs over and attempts to grab his fez back.

[krycek-rat.livejournal.com]

"HEY!" Krycek claps his hands on top of the fez to hold it on, jumping off of his chair with surprising alacrity. "Sir, what do you think you're doing!?"

[names-ash.livejournal.com]

Ash stares for a second, and then points at the fez.

"That's mine, screwhead. I'd know it anywhere."

[krycek-rat.livejournal.com]

"I won it fair and square in open combat!" Krycek winces a little at muscles pulled in the sudden evasive action. He does not mention that open combat apparently included a miniature car and a profound sense of disturbance regarding art class in general.

[names-ash.livejournal.com]

"Open... Combat." Ash stares for a few seconds, and then points a finger in Krycek's face.

"You win this round, kid. But once I'm done with that Da Vinci Zombie? Your ass is mine."