fandomhigh | Sex Ed, Tuesday, First Period

"Good morning, everyone," Steve said. "I'd like to start with something that was brought to my attention last week that I neglected to cover in my introduction. This class will be Earth-based and human-based. The topic is large enough that way, without expanding it to cover every possible situation. If your situation is not covered by the class, you're welcome to visit my office hours on Friday and I'll help you find resources that will better suit your needs. Okay? Okay. Today we'll be talking about one of the most important practical things, which is why I want to get it out of the way first. Contraception, also known as birth control."

Steve moved out from behind his desk as he continued to talk, handing out informational handouts. "What works, what doesn't, why you shouldn't believe what you're told. Now, usually, the only one hundred percent foolproof way to avoid pregnancy is abstinence, and the only way to avoid venereal disease--" and yes, he did call it that; he was rather old-fashioned in some ways-- "is total abstinence until you find a permanent partner, and then to continue with that same partner for the rest of your life. However, I am all too aware that to expect people to actually do that is rank optimism. So. What are your other options? Well, good news, the technology has improved in leaps and bounds over the last half-century or so. Birth control pills> or implants can prevent pregnancy, when utilized correctly, but not disease. For that you're going to need a barrier, specifically a condom. When used correctly, condoms are very effective in preventing both pregnancy and disease. This is all twenty-first century standard; if your home is not twenty-first century standard, well, at least we'll get you through high school childless except for after prom and disease-free. If you're post-modern, you probably have better methods, anyway, while if you're pre-modern, I would really recommend abstinence. In this century, syphilis means a trip to the clinic for antibiotics; in the past it meant a miserable death after going blind. With any new partner, if you don't know if you have a VD, you should get tested, and use a condom until you know the results. If you know you have a VD, you should always, always use a condom. It's just polite.

"Now let's talk about what doesn't work. Hoping you won't get pregnant doesn't work. Anything involving soda does not work and will probably land you at the, er, gynecologist explaining why you have that weird infection. Believing your partner when they tell you they're sterile really doesn't work." He paused for a moment after that, then went on. "Even if they believe they're telling the truth. "Some behavioral methods do have some utility in preventing pregnancy, but none of them are foolproof--however, again, if you're premodern, they may be all you have. Ladies, if you are modern-based and your contraception fails--the condom breaks, you forget to take your pill--emergency contraception is effective within a day or two, some of it over the counter if you're over seventeen or, in some places, eighteen.

""So, to rewind a bit, condoms, when used correctly, are effective at preventing both pregnancy and disease. Plus, they are relatively cheap. So." Steve began to turn bright red, which he'd managed to avoid up until this point. Darn Irish complexion. "We are going to ~~molest some fruit~~ practice." He held up a banana in one hand and a foil packet in the other. "Observe." He proceeded to put the condom on the banana with almost military precision. "Your turn."

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Condoms and bananas: not exactly one of nature's perfect pairs.

Well, granted Matt couldn't actually see the demonstration but it wasn't something he was completely unfamiliar with. True, Matt was Catholic but living in Hell's Kitchen had given him enough education on how to use a condom.

Which he was able to put on the banana fairly easily.

Topher swallowed.

So, so not touching that, thanks. He'd just be off to the side. Cowering.

"Topher," Kenzi said in exasperation. "It's fruit!"

Topher was developing a twitch. "I -- I don't like the other things!" he whimpered.

"CONDOMS!" Kenzi said loudly. "They're just plastic! You wear plastic gloves all the type! C'mon, it's the same principle!"

Topher gave her a baffled look. "All the time?"

THAT WAS ONCE, KENZI. ONCE.

Kenzi sighed and gave Topher a long-suffering look. "They're not going to bite you. Or slime you. Or ... I don't know what is it you think they're gonna do? They're wrapped up!"

Topher didn't believe a word of it. Not a wooooord.

"They're gross," he pronounced. And that was that.

Edited 2012-01-11 05:22 (UTC)

Re: Molest Some Fruit

regretiz4suckas.livejournal.com - 2012-01-11 05:23 (UTC) - Expand

It was really kind of impressive what Stacey was able to manage here. She got that thing on so quick it was like she was trying to win a contest.

Oh boy.

Mercy took a deep breath and put the condom on the banana. With surprisingly little difficulty.

Seifer had ~~a lot~~ some practice doing this, and had no trouble putting the condom on the banana.

"Wouldn't cucumbers had been better? Or those zucchini things? Less likely to tear the condom."

"Bananas are, I believe, traditional," Steve said. And he hadn't wanted to have to go to the trouble of selecting cucumbers or zucchini of...likely proportions. Ahem.

Kenzi hadn't had breakfast. So she was eating one presentation, while calmly putting the other one together.

Darcy grabbed a second banana along with the one that was going to molest. At least she ate one of them before opening up the condom for the other.

Surreal opened up the packet and made a face at the texture of the 'condom'. Which she then proceeded to put over the banana.

Then take it off.

And put it on again.

She blew into it experimentally to see how big it could get, and her face split into a delighted grin as she regarded her balloon. "What are these made from?"

"I would never use it instead of a contraceptive brew, but they are remarkable."

"Latex," Steve said. "There are also non-latex options, but they're not as effective, so those with latex allergies are, I believe, encouraged to use one in conjunction with a latex condom to avoid contact. As far as a contraceptive 'brew' goes, I don't know exactly how they work, but again, in this universe a barrier method is the only effective way to prevent the spread of disease."

"They are like..." Surreal paused, as she tried to find a way to explain it easily, without going off into formulas. "The same as your pills, I think, but liquid form. Some types you would take every day, some once a month, and most protect against any sexual diseases."

"I have mine in my room, if you want to see a sample." Not drink - Surreal wasn't letting a landen male sample a brew made for female Blood! She was no healer, but she'd been taught these brews by her mother and Tersa, and knew not to let others sample them.

It wasn't too difficult to manage once you got over the whole snickering about the situation thing.

Because Tony was secretly five years old or something.

Ryan managed to get her condom on a banana without blushing or giggling, but she also unwrapped a second condom to get a better look at it. "It seems awfully thin. Are they supposed to be like that? How well do these things hold up?" she asked.

"They have to be rather thin to allow for...ahem. Sensation," Steve said, turning rather pink. "The latex is quite stretchable and strong. When used correctly, I believe they are something like ninety-eight or ninety-nine percent effective."

"Oh," said Ryan, who was a bit more concerned with effectiveness than sensation. "Could you get 100% effectiveness if you use more than one?"

"No, I believe that would actually make them less effective and more likely to tear."

Billy was a little weirded out by this whole thing, but he was hoping to have sex someday, maybe, so he managed to get the condom on, feeling very grateful when it didn't break or snap or anything.

Dave fumbled with the banana at first, but once he got started, it didn't stop being creepy playing with a condom and a banana in front of everyone.

Wait, that wasn't the way that sentence looked like it was going to go. But it is where it ended up.