fandomhigh | The Jamie Madrox and Jeff Murdock Fun Time Hour, Part 1, Or 'Why Did The School Board...', Wednesday

Red drapes hung on the back wall of the classroom. A stage had been built against the back of it, made of pretty oak wood. A small puppet theater stood on a platform on the stage, and more red drapes hung on both sides of the room, a few feet away from the back wall.

It was silent. Empty. Dark.

And then, very softly, a first opening drumroll...

A line of Jamies appeared snapping their fingers in time to the music and occasionally striking a dramatic pose here nd there along the way. With a flourish of jazz hands they all then pointed at the puppet theater where two puppets who looked liked Toby Macguire and Andrew Garfield were doing battle with each other while wearing Arachnid Guy costumes without the masks.

A smooth voice rolled out of the speakers. "Arachnid Guy, Arachnid Guy, knows just how to catch the fly. Poops a web, rarely cries, never heaves just throws pies-- look out! Here comes Arachnid Guy!"

Barely had the word 'Guy' resounded through the classroom, or Jeff had leaped up on stage wearing a shirt with a spider on it and a funny hat, his arms spread and his palms facing the camera as if he was miming a wall.

He grinned like a maniac, hopping sideways along the stage.

"Worth a song? Listen, lad! He's just absolutely rad..."

With Jeff on stage the dancing Jamies fluttered and were now doing Jazz Hands around Jeff as he sang as they gyrated to he music.

Lots of gyrating.

Meanwhile an Emma Stone and a Kirsten Dunst puppet were now in the puppet theater doing Jazz Puppet hands around the fighting Toby and Andrew.

"Dare he fling... himself off a cliff? Oh, he's not such a stiff, because hey there-- there goes Arachnid Guy!"

Trumpets blared! Jeff came to a stop, tossing his arms out in a v-shape, then bringing them back together! Then v-shape again! Oh yeah! He squatted down on the edge of the stage, throwing his legs out in a really low-rent breakdance sort of scheme.

Two stage lights flicked on and turned to illuminate him. He was... still grinning like a crazy person.

"In the heat... of summer! Down... the drain of your shower! On a trail of glimmer, he arrives-- just in time!"

DRAMA!

The dancing Jamies were still doing the back up dancing thing which now involved jazz hands and hip pops. Lots of hip pops. Maybe a bit too many hip pops. Except for the two Jamies who stopped dancing to boggle at each other and mouth the word "shower" at each other.

Over in the puppet theater a Denis Leary puppet was watching the show while smoking a cigarette and rolling his puppet eyes.

"Arachnid Guy, Arachnid Guy, cheerful borough Arachnid Guy! Girls and booze, he's ignored! Fisticuffs are his reward! Look out!"

Jeff took that as a prompt to flail his limbs out in all directions, half-falling off the stage on his way back up to his feet. He bounced towards the back, popping his hips along with the Jamies. "HELLO EVERYONE!" he bellowed. "I'm Jeff Murdock! And this is Jamie Madrox!"

"Here comes the Arachnid Guy!"

Jeff fell to his knees for point five seconds. Mostly as he waited for the chorus to kick back in.

At which point a Jamie appeared onstage wearing a sparkly glove and a ah hat. He moonwalked across the stage singing "WOO-HOO-HOO!" and then doing a flurry of dance moves while yelling "SHA-MOAN!"

All the back up dancing Jamies tackled him to the ground and proceeded to pummel him.

"Today's class," Jamie said stepping out from behind the curtain, "Is about interpretive dance and also how you will introduce yourself to us and your fellow students."

Jeff hopped up, engaged in a little pirouette, then flailed his limbs out. "Come on everyone!" he called. "It's great! Your name! Your personality! Anything you want to tell us about yourselves! You can dance it all! And if you can't, we'll teach you!"

Oh god.

Then he leaped forward just in time for the final Dramatic Musical Epilogue of the song, throwing his arms out, then pulling them back, then throwing them out again... ...right in front of Jamie. "ARACHNID GUY!"

That was 'go!', kids.

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After the dancing, Miley marched over to Jeff.

"Hi!" she said brightly. "So... is this what class is gonna be like all the time?"

She was probably one of the few who wouldn't object, if it was.

"Sometimes," Jeff said - after five seconds of jumping because a cheerful girl was talking to him what should he do what should he--

Student, right. He assumed Lecturing Mode. "Whatever you need to learn, we will teach! Like this!"

"Yay!" Cue a little twirl. Look, she was still in dance-mode, okay? "New favorite class!"

Sure, she said that now.

Yeah, she was one Sock Gap away from changing her mind.

"Excellent!" Jeff said, grinning. "You keep up the dancing! It'll serve you well in life!"

Or make you end up like Jeff. Either or.

"It totally does!" Miley agreed. "I mean, will. It will. In life. After college or something." Sure, Miley. Sure.

"Do you guys need a TA or something? 'Cause I can totally do that."

"I think Jamie was mumbling something about picking someone," Jeff reported, "But that doesn't mean we can't have two of you! We need that sort of enthusiasm!"

Next week, there would probably be less dancing, Jeff would lose his fit of confidence, and Miley would probably have to deal with him being a gibbering wreck!

Not to worry! Miley knew all about gibbering wrecks. She'd once consoled Justin Bieber after he broke a nail.

"I totally have that!" Miley exclaimed. It was true. She did not lack for enthusiasm. Like, at all. "Sounds like a plan!"

The Jamie Madrox and Jeff Murdock Fun Time Hour, Part 1, Or 'Why Did The School Board...', Wednesday

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