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fandomhigh2011-10-03 10:28 pm
shotbillmurray.livejournal.com) wrote in fandomhigh2011-10-03 10:28 pm
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Tuesday: How to survive the Zombie Apocalypse
When the class entered the Dangershop today, they'd find that classroom had been transformed into a bowling alley.
And yes. There were zombies. In bowling shirts.
There was also Columbus who... well let's just say that seeing his little family unit for a brief period of time only to lose them again in less than 24 hours made him a bit woobie-ish.
Standing behind Columbus was a tall man in a green duster, t-shirt and a cowboy hat looking for all the world that he'd rather be somewhere else than right here and now. He was also shooting Columbus dirty looks and muttering about moving on as soon as possible.
"Hey everyone," Columbus said with forced cheerfulness. "This here is a representation of a friend of mine from back home. You might have seen him running around the island this weekend. I had hoped that he might stick around but... Well, anyway. Please give Tallahassee a warm welcome."
The holographic Tallahassee gave Columbus a dirty look and grunted in acknowledgement.
"Sometimes life in a zombie apocalypse can be a very solitary kind of life," Columbus continued. "But if you're lucky you can hook up with someone who can help you increase the odds of survival. Which is why I made up rule number eight."
Yep. Get ready for the block letters.
"You see," Columbus continued, "My friend Tallahassee is in the ass kicking business. And in Zombieland..."
Columbus looked over to Tallahassee to finish the line. Tallahassee frowned back. Columbus nudged Tallahassee a little to make him say something. Tallahassee in turned rolled his eyes.
"Business is good," Tallahassee said with a long sigh.
"So by increasing the odds-"
"Hold on," interrupted the holographic Tallahassee. He held up his hands and then pushed Columbus back a bit. "Now if you kids have been listening to this guy yammer for a while, you've probably figured out that he's a bit of a bitch."
Columbus opened his mouth to object and Tallahassee quickly waved him away and went over to one of the bowling ball racks. "Hopefully you kids haven't picked up too many of his wussy ways. But if you have, I have a lesson here for those of you who'd like to kill a zombie without a ton of blood. Not that there's anything wrong with a ton of blood. Especially if you want to paint your face afterward."
Columbus tried to object again. Tallahassee just ignored him as he dropped the bowling ball into a nearby backpack. "But if you're a bit squeamish you can try this."
Columbus sighed and clicked the remote. And large block letters appeared behind Tallahassee.
"Now get yourself a bowling ball. Preferably about sixteen pounds. Don't use a little pink one. Not enough heft. Now if you need to you can drop it from above or you can just put it in a sack and swing it like this."
Tallahassee began to swing the bowling ball around and around and tossed it at a nearby Zombie. "JENGA!"
And the bag hit the zombie in the head, knocking him down like a sack of potatoes. A gory sack of potatoes.
Columbus gave a little cough. "As you can see having a partner around can certain help. Today I want you to hook up with a partner and-"
"Kick some ass!"
Columbus sighed. "Yes. Kick some ass."
And yes. There were zombies. In bowling shirts.
There was also Columbus who... well let's just say that seeing his little family unit for a brief period of time only to lose them again in less than 24 hours made him a bit woobie-ish.
Standing behind Columbus was a tall man in a green duster, t-shirt and a cowboy hat looking for all the world that he'd rather be somewhere else than right here and now. He was also shooting Columbus dirty looks and muttering about moving on as soon as possible.
"Hey everyone," Columbus said with forced cheerfulness. "This here is a representation of a friend of mine from back home. You might have seen him running around the island this weekend. I had hoped that he might stick around but... Well, anyway. Please give Tallahassee a warm welcome."
The holographic Tallahassee gave Columbus a dirty look and grunted in acknowledgement.
"Sometimes life in a zombie apocalypse can be a very solitary kind of life," Columbus continued. "But if you're lucky you can hook up with someone who can help you increase the odds of survival. Which is why I made up rule number eight."
Yep. Get ready for the block letters.
"You see," Columbus continued, "My friend Tallahassee is in the ass kicking business. And in Zombieland..."
Columbus looked over to Tallahassee to finish the line. Tallahassee frowned back. Columbus nudged Tallahassee a little to make him say something. Tallahassee in turned rolled his eyes.
"Business is good," Tallahassee said with a long sigh.
"So by increasing the odds-"
"Hold on," interrupted the holographic Tallahassee. He held up his hands and then pushed Columbus back a bit. "Now if you kids have been listening to this guy yammer for a while, you've probably figured out that he's a bit of a bitch."
Columbus opened his mouth to object and Tallahassee quickly waved him away and went over to one of the bowling ball racks. "Hopefully you kids haven't picked up too many of his wussy ways. But if you have, I have a lesson here for those of you who'd like to kill a zombie without a ton of blood. Not that there's anything wrong with a ton of blood. Especially if you want to paint your face afterward."
Columbus tried to object again. Tallahassee just ignored him as he dropped the bowling ball into a nearby backpack. "But if you're a bit squeamish you can try this."
Columbus sighed and clicked the remote. And large block letters appeared behind Tallahassee.
Rule # 15: Bowling Ball
"Now get yourself a bowling ball. Preferably about sixteen pounds. Don't use a little pink one. Not enough heft. Now if you need to you can drop it from above or you can just put it in a sack and swing it like this."
Tallahassee began to swing the bowling ball around and around and tossed it at a nearby Zombie. "JENGA!"
And the bag hit the zombie in the head, knocking him down like a sack of potatoes. A gory sack of potatoes.
Columbus gave a little cough. "As you can see having a partner around can certain help. Today I want you to hook up with a partner and-"
"Kick some ass!"
Columbus sighed. "Yes. Kick some ass."
Limber Up/Lecture
Re: Limber Up/Lecture
Re: Limber Up/Lecture
Re: Limber Up/Lecture