fandomhigh | Wednesday: What was the school board thinking giving Jamie Madrox a teaching position?

Instead of going to a classroom today, the students were directed to the third floor of the dorms where they would find the hallway teeming with Jamie-Dupes wearing labcoats and goggles. Each one of them had a clipboard, calipers, measuring tape, litmus strips, cotton swabs and all sorts of scientific goodies that they seemed to be using on all of the doorknobs on the third floor.

"Ladies and gentlemen," Jamie said stepping forward and pulling down his goggles. "Today we leave our childhood behind and step into the future. Into the grand thing we know as... SCIENCE!"

If Reed Richards knew what was going to happen next, there would be a lot of weeping for the future.

"It has long been hypothesized that the doors in the dorms have curious properties."

Um. No. They really haven't.

"In fact one might say the doorknobs of these doors... taste like bacon."

Yep. Reed Richards. Big honking tears.

"Your job is to lick these doorknobs and see if they taste like bacon. FOR SCIENCE!"

Don't expect to get a Nobel prize for this one Jamie.

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Dave stood outside his own door and stared at the doorknob, trying to figure out how clean it was. He had almost convinced himself that it would probably be fine until he remembered that Topher was a prostitute over the weekend.

Ewwwwwww.

"All right Dave!" Jamie said cheerfully. "Let's saddle up and lick some doorknobs."

"Can't I just lick my hand? This is my door, after all, I've used the doorknob enough that my hand should have traces of flavor on it," Dave said.

And then he thought about Topher being a hooker over the weekend again. "...Oh god, I need to wash my hands way more than I do."

"Well, let's leave your OCD out of it," Jamie replied. "How would you like to lick the ceiling instead."

"... At least I'm pretty sure my roommate didn't touch that while he was a hooker," Dave said. "Do you have a ladder or something?"

And just like that a dupe appeared with a ladder. "Excellent Dave!" Jamie said with a clap of his hands. "I needed that for our control group."

...

"For science."

"It terrifies me that you're this well prepared," Dave said before starting to climb the ladder.

And then, yes, he licked the ceiling. It did not taste good.

"Bacon?" Jamie asked hopefully.

"No, mostly like paint," Dave said.

Jamie turned around and faced a group of Jamies wearing labcoats and carrying clipboards.

"Paint!" Jamie shouted.

And all in unison the Jamies make a check mark in a tickybox on the clipboard.

"Were you really expecting it to taste like bacon?" Dave asked as he climbed down the ladder.

"... Maybe. A guy could dream, right?"

"I suppose. Sorry to shatter that dream," Dave said.

Wednesday: What was the school board thinking giving Jamie Madrox a teaching position?

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