fandomhigh | Wednesday: What was the school board thinking giving Jamie Madrox a teaching position?

Instead of going to a classroom today, the students were directed to the third floor of the dorms where they would find the hallway teeming with Jamie-Dupes wearing labcoats and goggles. Each one of them had a clipboard, calipers, measuring tape, litmus strips, cotton swabs and all sorts of scientific goodies that they seemed to be using on all of the doorknobs on the third floor.

"Ladies and gentlemen," Jamie said stepping forward and pulling down his goggles. "Today we leave our childhood behind and step into the future. Into the grand thing we know as... SCIENCE!"

If Reed Richards knew what was going to happen next, there would be a lot of weeping for the future.

"It has long been hypothesized that the doors in the dorms have curious properties."

Um. No. They really haven't.

"In fact one might say the doorknobs of these doors... taste like bacon."

Yep. Reed Richards. Big honking tears.

"Your job is to lick these doorknobs and see if they taste like bacon. FOR SCIENCE!"

Don't expect to get a Nobel prize for this one Jamie.

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"I'm allergic to doorknobs," Cara lied. Blatantly.

"Then we'll have to put you into a control group," Jamie said with a nod. "So you can lick a wall instead."

"I'm allergic to walls too." Cara was currently leaning against one.

"Are you allergic to bacon?"

"Yes." At least when she'd cooked it. Of course most people tended to be allergic to charred lumps of former pig.

A dupe then stepped forward with a large platter of bacon.

"In that case I need you to eat two pounds of bacon. For science!"

Did he not get the point of allergies? Even made up ones. "If I do that I'll die, and you'll have to explain that to the Principal." She had managed to get the impression that killing your students was more frowned upon here than in a Mord'Sith temple, where you could bring them back in most cases.

"I'm sorry but I just assumed you said yes to Bacon," Jamie said waving the dupe away. "Because only crazy people say no to bacon. All right. Fine. I'm going to have to ask that you lick your own hands. And write a twenty page report on Francis Bacon the pioneer of the scientific method that we are using today."

The only relation to todays's class and Bacon was the crisp Maple cured goodness that Cara had refused.

Even if Cara had been suicidal enough to eat food provided by a clearly crazy person, two pounds of bacon was just too much for any person.

"Who?"

"Francis Bacon," Jamie repeated and then spelled out the name. "I'm sure you'll have no problem finding information about him at the school library."

"I'm sure I won't." Because she had no intention of looking for it.

Wednesday: What was the school board thinking giving Jamie Madrox a teaching position?

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