fandomhigh | Wednesday: What was the school board thinking giving Jamie Madrox a teaching position?

Instead of going to a classroom today, the students were directed to the third floor of the dorms where they would find the hallway teeming with Jamie-Dupes wearing labcoats and goggles. Each one of them had a clipboard, calipers, measuring tape, litmus strips, cotton swabs and all sorts of scientific goodies that they seemed to be using on all of the doorknobs on the third floor.

"Ladies and gentlemen," Jamie said stepping forward and pulling down his goggles. "Today we leave our childhood behind and step into the future. Into the grand thing we know as... SCIENCE!"

If Reed Richards knew what was going to happen next, there would be a lot of weeping for the future.

"It has long been hypothesized that the doors in the dorms have curious properties."

Um. No. They really haven't.

"In fact one might say the doorknobs of these doors... taste like bacon."

Yep. Reed Richards. Big honking tears.

"Your job is to lick these doorknobs and see if they taste like bacon. FOR SCIENCE!"

Don't expect to get a Nobel prize for this one Jamie.

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Sam was staring at the line of doorknobs and then he was staring back at the teacher. He honestly didn't know if he was going to be able to lick doorknobs. He was ninety nine percent positive that they didn't taste like bacon and he didn't need to lick them to make that decision.

Doorknobs probably tasted like...metal.

"Sam? Judging from the expression on your face I'm thinking you have some doubts. Do I need to remind you how we are working for a noble cause?"

"Yeah, but they're...doorknobs," he said, making a face. "I'd bet they taste like metal, not bacon. And what if someone rolled around in the mud before opening his door this morning. If I got sick, I'd have to sue the school."

"Oh we have a great insurance policy," Jamie said with a dismissive wave. "Plus if they taste like metal that means we've proved something!"

"Are you gonna taste them?" Sam wondered curiously. "Shouldn't you lead by example?"

"I have already done my empirical study," Jamie said with a nod. "Right guys?"

And from behind Jamie were a group of his duplicates holding clipboards and wearing labcoats. The held up the clipboards and waved them enthusiastically.

"This is a blind test to make sure that my results are accurate."

"I still think I might have to pass," Sam said, rubbing the back of his neck. "This seems as dangerous as licking the poles inside a subway car. It's a death wish if you're not careful."

"Well then you are welcome to lick the door instead," Jamie said with a nod. "As part of the control group."

Wednesday: What was the school board thinking giving Jamie Madrox a teaching position?

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