fandomhigh | Wednesday: What was the school board thinking giving Jamie Madrox a teaching position?

Instead of going to a classroom today, the students were directed to the third floor of the dorms where they would find the hallway teeming with Jamie-Dupes wearing labcoats and goggles. Each one of them had a clipboard, calipers, measuring tape, litmus strips, cotton swabs and all sorts of scientific goodies that they seemed to be using on all of the doorknobs on the third floor.

"Ladies and gentlemen," Jamie said stepping forward and pulling down his goggles. "Today we leave our childhood behind and step into the future. Into the grand thing we know as... SCIENCE!"

If Reed Richards knew what was going to happen next, there would be a lot of weeping for the future.

"It has long been hypothesized that the doors in the dorms have curious properties."

Um. No. They really haven't.

"In fact one might say the doorknobs of these doors... taste like bacon."

Yep. Reed Richards. Big honking tears.

"Your job is to lick these doorknobs and see if they taste like bacon. FOR SCIENCE!"

Don't expect to get a Nobel prize for this one Jamie.

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Also known as the control group.

"Claudia? You're the control group. I'm going to need you to eat five pounds of cooked bacon."

Hopefully Claudia was hungry.

Claudia blinked, and looked at her load of supplies for the day, which included:

Five pounds of maple bacon
Two dozen Franciscan monastic robes, still wrapped in their "Spooky Friar!" Halloween costume plastic
Two Halloween sized bags of Tootsie roll pops
A copy of "He's just not that into you" autographed by the video store clerk
And a five gallon bucket of melted butter with "blob with horns" written on the side

"You mean we're actually using some of this today?"

"Of course we are!" Jamie said taking the packages of bacon and tossing them to a dupe. "Make sure that gets cooked up nice and crispy."

And with that he then offered Claudia a large pile of bacon on a plate. "Now eat. What happened to my blob of butter with horns?"

Claudia pointed to the bucket of melted butter. "It's internal energy increased, precipitating a phase change." She took the plate and sniffed at the bacon. "Your list didn't include a refrigeration unit."

Jamie sighed. "Oh. That's a shame. I'll just have to make sure that's listed for next week then."

And lo there was a flourish of his hand and a list appeared.

* Forty two pumpkin pies.
* One blender
* One Fluglehorn
* The Best of Trini Lopez on an 8 track tape

And then he added:

* One refrigerated blob of butter. With horns.

"Who the hell is Trini Lopez?" Claudia wondered. ". . . And what's an 8 track?"

"Oh, like you can't find that out on the internet," Jamie said with a comical sigh.

"Right, Silly me, trying to ask a teacher."

"Yes, but Trini Lopez and 8-tracks are on next semester's coursework," Jamie replied. "Just think of this research as... Advanced placement."

"You're assuming I'd take another class with you," Claudia pointed out.

She might, actually. It seemed like good training for working for Artie full time.

"Well why wouldn't you?" Jamie asked with a confused look. "It's not like it's a hard class. Plus it'll look great on your transcripts!"

It so would not look good on your transcripts.

"Transcripts for where? Fandom University?"

"Well I would imagine any ivy league school would love a graduate from here."

Okay, now he was clearly joking.

"Well, I guess I could always come back and teach here."

"I did," Jamie said looking oddly... sentimental. "It feels good to give back."

"You mean the school board already knew you and they hired you?" Claudia blinked. "Wow, accurate class name."

Wednesday: What was the school board thinking giving Jamie Madrox a teaching position?

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