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talking is free

Talking Is A Free Action - 21/7 - Thursday

There was something written on the board when students arrived for class today.

villainous monologues

"Now, some of you all might have experience with this subject," Deadpool said. "Either giving or receiving. Possibly dirty."

He didn't judge your kinky ways! Much.

"You know how it is, their nefarious plan is mere seconds from completion and they have the plucky hero right where they want him. And they just wanna lord over 'em. It's slightly less expensive than therapy or comic book collecting. Which, as we all know, is only one step down from crack."

He held up a comic book. "Deadpool volume 2, issue 41 is available August 10th!"

Helpful.

"Enough shameless self promotion! Partner off," he demanded. "One of you will be the babbling villain and the other the helpless hero. And of you really want to get into character, try shouting a lot. It's the super cool thing to do! Just ask Doctor Doom. Though, with him, it could be an unfortunate speech impediment..."

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"You're about as menacing as a fluffy bunny," Hank retorted. "In a tutu. With pigtails. And bunny slippers." He sighed. "Look, how many times have you seen it done? Just copy off of someone else -- all the villains do that, anyway."

Wesley fumbled for words as he tried to make a second attempt.

"Ah -- you've, you've utterly foiled my plan, good sir -- er -- your, ah, machinations have been, er, quashed by my... evil regime, and... thoroughly apprehended!"

EVEN WORSE THAN LAST TIME.

Was Wesley talking to the empty chair with the loops of rope hanging loosely from it? Because Hank wasn't there anymore. Hank was now standing on Wesley's desk glaring down menacingly.

"You think you've WON, Mr. Wesley Fisher-Price?!?! You may think you have the upper hand, but think AGAIN!!! You've played RIGHT into my baby-soft hands!!! While you've been here, distracted, my minions have invaded your base and neutralized your teammates. Go ahead and call for help -- try it! I dare you! There's no one to answer the phone!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!"

After the insane laughter had gone on for a while, Hank stopped abruptly and gave Wesley a wide, innocent sort of smile. "There you go! That's how it's done! Now, you try!!!"

He jumped down off the desk and started awkwardly trying and failing to climb back into the ropes tied to his chair.

And now there was more blinking. Startled, mildly concerned blinking.

"Er." Wesley just had no idea what to say to that. At all. "I, ah. I certainly can't do any better than that, ah, Hank. That was... quite impressive."

Hank waved him off. "Nah, they just all say the same things. You hear it enough times, you start to pick it up."

Wesley thought about the villains he'd heard monologue in the past.

"Oh!" He leaned forward conspiratorily. "Ah, is it generally custom for a villain to threaten one's kneecaps?"

Hank nodded affirmatively. "Sometimes, sometimes. That's mostly for your mafioso-themed villains, but it's a pretty standard threat. It's a pretty bad sign, too -- a villain that threatens your kneecaps probably isn't going to lock you up in a slow-moving death trap and leave the room."

"So I learned," Wesley said dryly. "It tends to be rather fast-moving after the, ah, threatening of bodily harm."

Unfortunately.

Hank nodded. "Unless they're just threatening and leaving, and planning to come back later to do the actual harm. Amateur stuff, but some villains do that."

...Huh.

"I see," Wesley said slowly. "You've encountered a lot of villains in your day, then?"

Hank nodded vigorously. "Oh, yeah. HUNDREDS of them. Maybe even DOZENS!!!"

...That was just bad, bad math.

"Er," said Wesly flatly. "Right. Well, then!"

He wanted an out so, so badly.

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Talking Is A Free Action - 21/7 - Thursday

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