fandomhigh | Wednesday: Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse

When the students entered the Danger shop today they would find themselves standing outside a gas station. For those who took the class before they might be a bit surprised to see that there were no zombies standing around looking for a snack.

Columbus gave everyone a small smile and a wave as they entered. "Hey. For those of you returning, welcome back. For those of you who are new to this class, we are here to learn how to survive a zombie apocalypse."

"The most important rule to surviving a zombie apocalypse?"

Columbus pushed a button and huge block letters appeared behind him.

"Cardio. That’s the first rule of surviving Zombieland. When the outbreak first hit, the first to go were the people who were out of shape. For obvious reasons. Those of you returning to class will know that you will be running at least three times a week as part of your homework. That goes the same for you newbies as well."

Columbus then gave the class a sheepish grin. "However we won't be focusing on that topic today. Today's topic is a bit more... personal."

There was another fumbling of the remote and again another set of block letters appeared behind Columbus.

"Despite their lack of brain capacity and ability to speak, you should never take a zombie for granted. They can be clever and use that against you. Especially when you are at your most vulnerable."

With that Columbus nodded at the restrooms behind them. "Your assignment today? Don't get caught with your pants down. Obviously I don't expect you to actually... um. Use the facilities. Your goal today is merely to safely navigate yourself to a stall. Wait one minute, flush and then leave without harm. Bonus points to those who wash their hands. Any questions? All rigt,let's go."

[OCD is Up! Please mod your own zombie encounter this week.

Warning: This post contains zombies, possible violence and bathroom humor.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

With the name and state of where you are from. And a picture of your characters being sneaky.

Milwaukee, Wisconsin

Greendale, Colorado

Hart, Missouri

Stowecroft, D'Hara

Seattle, Washington

New York

Terreille

Encino, California

Remember: It's always best to limber up before going into an unknown situation!

Having done this last semester, Dave was already stretching before Columbus started talking. He stopped when he heard they were going into the bathroom, though. Because eww.

Annie'd been through this. She was already limbering up. She knew how this went, it was all good.

Jack was taking this class after having had to deal with the various oddities of Fandom over the last year. He figured that rules about zombies could be applied to just about everything else not human that wanted to kill, eat or otherwise maim him.

Worrying about something trying to eat him while he was using the bathroom hadn't come to mind before now.

That was going to stick with him.

Two of Sam's friends were dead and, even if they weren't zombies, it still better prepared him for this class. While he stretched, he tried not to imagine Brooke or Ashley popping up while he was in the bathroom. That'd just be weird.

This was just like a video game. This was just like a video game... It was going to be, damn it.

Except he was swinging his arms in a half-hearted warmup which wouldn't have been necessary if it wasn't kind of real (if simulated). Oh god. The mantra was probably all that would stop him screaming like a girl when the undead came for his brains.

Though don't actually go to the bathroom. Make your way to a stall where you must wait for one minute and then return safely.

Also: There is a row of assorted weaponry for you to take with you into the bathroom to protect yourself.

Dave took a baseball bat before VERY CAUTIOUSLY heading to the stall. He poked the smaller stall open with the bat first before checking the handicap stall. He decided to head into the smaller stall (so he wouldn't have to pass it on his way out, giving a prime opportunity for a zombie to pop out and eat him) and stood on the toilet seat before closing the door and holding the bat out to poke anything that tried to climb over or under the partitions.

Dave pressed the flush lever with his foot and waited... and waited... and waited for the minute to pass. When it finally did, he opened the stall door quickly and swung wildly at anything that might be on the other side.

It was actually a zombie. Dave poked the zombie with his bat, shoving it into the wall, and then sprinted toward the door to freedom.

Even though the kid that went before him kind of looked like a dork, Jack thought he seemed like he knew what he was doing. Jack, obviously, did not. This led to copying the kid by taking a baseball bat as his chosen weapon.

Even though he knew a zombie was coming (that was the point of this exercise, after all), his first encounter involved a fair amount of swinging wildly at it and sprinting as fast as he could away from it. Thankfully, he was good at the sprinting part.

If this hadn't been the first class, Sam wouldn't have taken anything and just tried to use his necromancing abilities to control the zombies. But, since this was the first class and he wasn't really into freaking people out so soon, he grabbed a tire iron and took it with him into the bathroom. It would probably work better than a wooden skateboard, at least.

He slipped into a stall quietly and crouched on top of the toilet seat, holding the tire iron. When everything seemed quiet, he reached back and flushed which he knew was noise enough to draw attention.

Sure enough, Sam heard something trudging into the bathroom and waited until the feet of the zombie was right in front of his stall before he kicked the door open and knocked the zombie back allowing him time to get out of there. He didn't wash his hands.

Surreal had selected two metal crowbars as her weapons for today, and slipped into the bathroom and the first stall almost silently. She crouched on top of the toilet seat and silently counted down the entire minute as she listened for footsteps.

She peeked out of the stall, and once she'd ascertained that she was still alone, she carefully washed her hands with one trickle of water, then double-backed to flush - using a crowbar so she didn't get her hands dirty.

Then it was out the bathroom door in a flash, smashing one zombie upside the head with one bar even as she took his legs out with the second. Then it was time to run away, and quickly, least more be on the way.

Chuck had a crowbar, mostly because he'd seen it used in Left 4 Dead, and took himself into the stall. The hiding part he could do. In fact, he was great at that.

It was the post-flush thing that was going to do him in, and the eventual appearance of zombie as he crept out of the stall was met by a squawk and much flailing.

It was probably pure luck that knocked it to the floor long enough for him to daze it and run. Running and hiding. Totally Chuck's thing in times of panic.

Who is here today. And will somewhat listen to you.

Dozed off three times while writing this post. I blame all typos on the dogs.

Wednesday: Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse - Period 2

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Limber Up/Lecture

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Go to the bathroom!

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Talk to Columbus!

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