fandomhigh | Cupcake War Crimes, Week 3 (Tuesday, Period 1)

Upon entering the classroom today, students would find the usual baking setup (including, up front, the two alien boys in charge of the workshop) and two large covered trays of cupcakes, but in the center of the front counter was a large strainer bowl full of vegetables. Carrots, celery, red and green peppers, a particularly leafy bunch of green kale, cucumbers, radishes . . .

"Okay," Anders said, clapping his hands together once in a boisterous way better suited to a gym than a classroom. "Today we're gonna discuss vegetables. Good for you, right? Right. Not always that appealing, right? Right. People've been trying to find creative ways to get kids to eat their veggies for gods know how long." People not him. He liked them. Occasionally wrapped in bacon, but shh.

“I like vegetables,” Stark pointed out. Possibly just because he enjoyed foods that weren’t food cubes or unidentifiable substances because they were a nice change from what he’d had for most of his life before coming here. “But not like this.” He reached over and revealed the cupcakes on the first tray. First there were chocolate sauerkraut cupcakes. “No sauerkraut.” He turned to Anders. “Didn’t we already have sauerkraut cupcakes?”

Anders blinked at him, scratched behind one ear, and shrugged. “It was worth emphasizing again? No beet cupcakes, either, even if the cream cheese frosting looks really good. Then there’s these, with sweet potato in them.” He shrugged and glanced at the class. “I don’t know. What do you guys think? Is it right to trick people into eating vegetables in cupcakes, just because they’re good for you? Or is that just mean? Is it okay if they know up front what they’re getting into?”

Hey, he was trying to be diplomatic about it. He still thought it was horrible.

“Better if they know what is in the cupcakes,” Stark said. “No need to trick anyone.” That was just mean. “But still. Don’t need to be healthy. Cupcakes aren’t supposed to be healthy. They are desserts. Just treats.”

“These are treats,” Anders added, uncovering the second tray to reveal a nice array of carrot-raisin cupcakes, and some chocolate cupcakes frosted with veggie shapes. “Carrots are okay in cupcakes, if you ask me. So how about you guys discuss the question for a bit, and then get to baking?

“You don’t really taste the carrots,” Stark said. “At all.”

“So it’s okay,” Anders added lamely. “Anyway. Let’s get cracking, okay?”

“You forgot last week’s cupcakes,” Stark said quickly. “We can’t forget them.” Even if some efforts had been slightly questionable. They’re looking at you, Sam, with your meaty cupcakes.

And yet. “Yeah, we picked a winner from last week’s work,” Anders said quickly. It had been a whole process involving blind taste-testing and . . . probably a mixup in their notes somewhere. Gods knew he sure looked confused. “Sam Puckett, congrats.”

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"Maximum," Jeremy shrugged as he poured the flour. Without getting any on himself. "Just enjoying the easy life, man. Occasionally turning into younger and older versions of me but that's no biggie."

"At least you've thus far avoided turning into the female version of yourself?" Bod pointed out. "That's...jarring to say the least."

"I don't know dude, I think that sounds like it might be interesting," Jeremy mused. "I can think of a few interesting scenarios."

He was not taking into account that he was likely to end up looking like Juliet.

"Really?" Bod wondered how he'd react if it happened a second time. "See, all it did for me was making me feel like I was crawling out of my skin. Kate kept trying to reassure me that I was still myself but it was hard to feel that way."

"Why?" Jeremy wondered, peering at the recipe again. He was a simply guy with a pretty stable identity, so he didn't see any problems. "I just think it would be fun."

"It took me a long time to figure out who I was so having it change, even just physically, was a bit overwhelming," Bod admitted with a shrug. "It was hard to adapt to."

"Sorry, man." Jeremy still didn't really get it, but that didn't stop him from believing it had been hard for Bod.

He frowned at the recipe. "Do we sift now?"

"We sift," he said and passed the bowl to Jeremy. "Just...shake it lightly. Not like you'd shake an aerosol can or anything like that."

"Ugh, don't talk about aerosol cans," Jeremy griped as he shook the bowl carefully. Almost too carefully, in fact. "I couldn't come out of my room at all last weekend, my hair was so lame."

"Fortunately, I missed that," Bod said and laughed. "I heard about it via the radio though. Was it sticking up very high?"

"Too high." He made a face. "My hair is supposed to be floppy, the ladies love it that way."

"It's very nice," Bod said, trying not to laugh. "Was your wardrobe any better?"

The face really said it all. "No. I mean, usually I think I can rock anything and make it look wet but those clothes... There was no hope for those clothes. Absolutely none.

Oh dear lord, all the neon.

"I'm sorry you had to live through that, Jeremy," Bod said and laughed. "I feel bad for it missing me but not so bad because I look really awful in clothes that aren't the ones I typically wear."

"Well, you have a girlfriend," Jeremy pointed out, looking down at the bowl in his hands. "So it wouldn't have really mattered anyway, right?"

"Kate would laugh and laugh and laugh at me," Bod said, looking at the flour. "I think it's pretty sifted. What's next?"

"Um..." Jeremy consulted the recipe. "Well, we're supposed to add this to the cheese mixture? So... I guess we make the cheese mixture now."

"A cheese mixture?" Bod repeated and looked at the recipe. "That sounds...very rich, at least. So, the cupcakes should turn out sweet if we make them correctly."

"As far as I can tell." Which wasn't very far but anyway. Jeremy pointed at the recipe. "What does beating the ingredients mean?"

"I think it means vigorous stirring," Bod said, scratching his cheek. "We'll have to beat the ingredients together so it's smooth and we can't tell that things like sugar and cheese were added."

"Oh-kay." That sounded like hard work. Bod was so going to end up doing the beating. "Well, first we need the... stuff. Butter, cream cheese, sugar, eggs and... lemon rind?"

"That's the skin of a lemon," Bod said because he did know that. "We'll just have to peel a lemon and use the yellow parts."

"I think I can do that," Jeremy decided, already looking around for a lemon. "Can you start getting some of the other stuff?"

"Of course," Bod said and went about gathering up the rest of the ingredients for the cheese mixture. He also went and found a ladle so the mixture could be beaten and beaten good.

Cupcake War Crimes, Week 3 (Tuesday, Period 1)

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