fandomhigh | Cupcake War Crimes, Week 1 (Tuesday, Period 1)

The Home Ec room was set up to look -- like a Home Ec classroom, if one with a very single-minded purpose: every station was set up with stand mixers and a generous supply of cupcake trays and cup liners, plus frostings and sprinkles and all kinds of cake-decorating paraphernalia. The teachers . . . didn’t look like the type of teachers you’d expect to see standing at the front of the room. Well, anywhere outside of Fandom, anyway.

"Hey, everybody," said the guy who wasn’t wearing the shiny mask. "Welcome to Cupcake War Crimes. I’m Samuel Anders, and you can call me Anders -- none of that ‘mister’ stuff, okay?" He turned and gestured to the guy who was wearing the mask.

"I’m called Stark. Not a mister either. Just Stark," said the previously mentioned masked fellow. Who was looking a little bewildered to be up in the front of a classroom.

That was Anders’s ~~adorable~~ persuasiveness at work. Or possibly just the allure of the subject matter. "So." Anders smacked his hands together loudly. "Cupcake War Crimes. Sounds pretty fr-- Ahem. Pretty serious, huh? Way more serious than baked goods should be? Wrong. Cupcakes are serious business. And that includes doing ‘em right."

"Very serious," Stark said. "Very, very serious." Stark took his baked good seriously. Especially cupcakes. "Most serious when the cupcakes are done wrong. So we want to show how you not to do that. Not to do them wrong. Not like they do on the cupcake war show on the tv." Stark had seen one episode of Cupcake Wars and been horrified by it. Further episodes had only led to more horror.

Anders turned to one of two trays of cupcakes up on the front counter. "Like this," he said, indicating what seemed like a totally innocuous, yummy-looking treat. "Wasabi and tuna have no business being in a cupcake. Neither do beer and sauerkraut."

"No business at all," Stark added, glaring at the offending pastries. "Some things should never be done to cupcakes. Ever. At all. It’s not right. Chocolate goes in cupcakes. Not fish. Fish go in water!"

Anders let the appalling concoctions stay on display for a little while longer, so the true horror of them could sink in, before finally taking pity on everyone and covering them up. It was okay, though! There was a second display on the tray he uncovered next. "Chocolate marshmallow cupcakes, for example. Or ginger lemon. We’ll go into a little more depth about ways to do cupcakes really right and really wrong for the rest of the term, but for this week, take a cupcake, introduce yourself if you feel like it, and try to come up with things you think should never go into cupcakes. Easy enough, right?"

"Don’t take the bad cupcakes," Stark advised. He had tried one in an attempt to be open-minded and would likely never recover from the trauma. And considering some of Stark’s other traumas, that was really saying a lot. "And we need someone. One of you. To assist with the cupcakes. Or the teaching. Or both. If anyone wants to do that, tell us. Please."

[OOC: ETA -- argh, I knew I forgot an OCD thread, so feel free to mingle all you want in the introductions thread. Sorry, guys. Really off my game this week.]

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"What about bacon?" Alex had to ask. "Bacon goes in everything." It was bacon.

He couldn't read narrative, sadly.

"I do not consume flesh," Raven said. "I am a vegetarian."

Bacon was forever denied.

"But that just means you wouldn't eat the bacon cupcakes, it doesn't mean bacon doesn't go in cupcakes," Alex said. "Right? Unless you think no one should eat meat because you don't, but that would be kind of judgey."

"I do not begrudge others if they wish to eat meat," Raven said. "I would prefer they did not, but I understand the culture in which I was raised is not the same as everyone else. So if others wish to add bacon to their cupcakes, they certainly may."

Her brow furrowed. "Though I do fail to see why meat of any kind would belong in a cupcake, since it is a sweet."

"You can put bacon with sweet stuff and because it's salty and smokey it's good," Alex said. "Bacon goes with everything. It's nature's perfect food." He wasn't dealing with her whole "I'm not saying I judge people for eating meat, but I wish they wouldn't," or whatever thing, because: her problem. Not his.

Also, she talked kind of like his dad did sometimes.

Edited 2011-05-10 21:07 (UTC)

"I understand it is a very popular food with many people," Raven said, nodding. "Though I would consider something such as an apple to be a more perfect food."

She clearly did not know what she was missing. It was sad. "I'm sorry."

"There is no need to apologize," Raven said, mistaking his meaning. "Those of Azarath believed all sentient life to be sacred. We would consume what gifts animals would give us in the form of milk or cheese or other such things, but not their flesh."

Oh, she was in a cult. Right, then. "Well, um, I respect your lifestyle choices." That seemed safe enough, even if it did make him kind of a wuss.

"Thank you," Raven said, giving him a tiny smile. "I am Raven -- you must be one of the new students for the summer?"

"Yeah, I'm Alex. Hi," he said with a tiny wave.

"It is nice to meet you," Raven said. "I hope Fandom has been treating you well so far."

"Oh, yeah, it's been great," Alex agreed. It wasn't New York, but what was. "Captain America teaches here!" So cool. "Although this class isn't what I thought it would be..."

"I am uncertain how I came to be assigned in this class myself," Raven said. "I do not cook." She'd tried once with Karla, and the results had been near disastrous.

"You will find sometimes the office staff have an interesting sense of humor about assigning classes, at times."

"Oh, I signed up for it," Alex said, "or, my dad signed me up for it, but I knew about it. I just expected it to be...more about war crimes, less about cupcakes?"

"What part did you think the cupcakes would play in such a class?" Raven asked.

"I had no idea," he admitted with a shrug. "I didn't even know there was a show called Cupcake Wars."

"I have not seen it either," Raven said. "But I do not watch much television."

Except Rumor Gal, of course.

Right, because she was in a cult. "I play Xbox more than I watch TV." But he did a lot of that, too.

Azarath wasn't a cult! It was -- oh, wait. Nevermind.

"Xbox, that is video games, is it not?" Raven said. She remembered that from when she'd been dating Andy.

"Yeah, it's awesome," Alex said. He was god of it. He had to say that.

Cupcake War Crimes, Week 1 (Tuesday, Period 1)

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