fandomhigh | Paranormal Activity

"Welcome back, guys. Glad to see you're all your own age again," Alaric remarked with a smirk. "I bet you'll be glad to get back to the student life after spending the weekend as adults."

Oh, Ric, no they weren't.

"So today we're gonna cover the succubus, the plural of which being succubai. It's one of those Latin words, yes. It comes from the word meaning strumpet which is...oddly appropriate," he had to admit. "Succubai are female demons that seduce men to either try to kill them or collect their semen. Before you girls breathe a sigh of relief, there's a male version as well, known as an incubus."

Alaric launched into a lecture about succubai and incubai and, no, he didn't stop sparing details like the fact that incubai had really cold penises and that succubai had spikes in their vagina to punish adulterers. He also described how they attacked and famous cases of succubai or incubai assaults. He then described the five ways that they can be dealt with: exorcism, confession, excommunication, the sign of the cross and just getting the hell out of the way.

"Right, now that everyone is thoroughly uncomfortable, I'm going to distract you with a pop quiz," he said. Wow, he was evil. "Basically all you have to do is tell me one thing you've learned in the semester so far and you pass. And you also get candy."

Candy totally made up for the trauma he just passed out.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Please, Claudia was taking sex ed from Sherlock Holmes. Sex demons were nothing compared to that.

And she was sure she'd read that cold dick thing somewhere in fanfiction before.

"So, do you remember why we were planning on using a magic mirror and some kind of disco light to defeat aliens, Sunday night?" Scully asked.

She'd woken up in the middle of about a hundred papers of Fighting the Future (Alien Invasion) plans.

". . . Because aliens hate disco?"

That would be a "not really, no, this weekend was totally weird."

Somewhere, Mulder was agreeing with Claudia. Scully head-desked a little.

"I have reams of papers with our handwriting all over them, planning on how to use some kind of hypodermic from H.G. Wells to rewrite the past. Among other things. Oh, and something about not to touch the griffins. Why are there griffins?"

Claudia twitched faintly at the mention of H.G. Wells, and couldn't quite remember why.

"Because griffins are fun?"

"Makes as much sense as anything else." Scully sighed and propped her head on her arms. "I might as well keep them. Maybe they'll come in handy in the next invasion here, somehow."

Not unless they could teleport half the contents of the Warehouse to the Island, but, no way for Scully to know that.

"And if not, sounds like they're entertaining reading." Claudia frowned, remembering being very worried about Scully this weekend. "You okay?"

"Yes." Scully returned the frown, half-remembering being very tired and hungry at some point on Saturday. "I think I was sick this weekend, whatever else was going on. I feel better, anyway." She cocked her head at Claudia, trying to remember seeing her. "You weren't at the Warehouse this weekend, right?"

"No, I was here." But the Warehouse definitely featured in whatever was going on with her. "And telling people I used a 'secret ancient recipe' for something."

"Hmmm. I remember talking to Momoko?" Vaguely. Very vaguely. "And I think there was another party, after Friday night's..." Which was much clearer in her memory.

"Reunion." Yes, Claudia had that bit, now. "20 year reunion. I'm thinking maybe we don't want to remember too much."

Scully's eyes got very wide as that slotted into her brain, and then she huffed a laugh. "I think maybe you're right. And this is a lot more merciful than remembering dancing on top of bars."

"Wait, did I miss you dancing on a bar this weekend?"

Scully laughed. "No. Last summer. When we broke the trebuchet, in the bar after that." She sighed, and said philosophically, "And I woke up in my own room and not a graveyard this time."

"You know, I try to tell Joshua about some of the things that go on here, and he pretty much never believes me."

"Mulder always believes me." Scully shook her head. "Have Joshua visit and introduce him to a vampire. Or Jacob, when he's transformed." She wondered what he got up to this weekend. "Or is it more fun to mess with his mind?"

Paranormal Activity

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