fandomhigh | Library, Thursday [3/24]

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Library, Thursday [3/24]

Cassidy was relieved to find that the library was in a state of peace today. There didn't seem to be any squabbles of any kind going on in the stacks. She was convinced that it was because the different armies had taken her threats of shielding them and putting them in the children's section for a few hours quite seriously.

After she took care of any of the shelving and straightening that needed to be done, she withdrew to the desk with a few books on Akido -- and a travel book about Baltimore.

This could only end well. Really.

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"Mother Night," Cassidy whispered. "Mother Night." She shook her head slightly, processing everything that Ender was telling her. Bodies born empty was something she was having a hard time imagining, but she was trying to.

"I don't understand why they would be attacking in the first place, even if they thought every other being worked like them." She bit her lip again. "If they didn't know better and were just acting as they thought every one did, but then stopped when they realized what they were doing... I don't think I would call them evil." She looked up at Ender. "But it wasn't my people that they were attacking. What did you think?"

"I think it was a tragic failure to communicate, nothing more, nothing less," he said, with a brief, none-too-happy quirk of his mouth. "They had just been looking for a new place to colonise, and thought they were just letting us know about their intent by killing a handful of people. Then things escalated."

Ender bit down on his own lip. "Of course, the other side of the question is this," he said, "We didn't know that after the second time they didn't want to come back. So we came for them the third time and wiped them out. Does that make us evil?"

He wasn't actually sure he wanted her to answer that - it was framed as an impersonal question, but it was quite personal to him, and he wasn't sure he actually wanted to debate the matter of guilt here that distantly when it wasn't.

"No," she responded instantly. "It doesn't make you evil. They had already attacked you twice and you didn't know it wasn't going to happen a third time. You reacted with the knowledge of previous attacks and didn't want it to happen again. You thought that you were protecting yourselves from further death and destruction."

The argument Ender had served up every time anyone who didn't really know him - or who he didn't want to know about his real, and very illogical, feelings - had asked him about it. It was true, from a human point of view, and he would certainly defend it from there.

"True. But from the Formics' point of view, it could have seemed evil," he said instead. "This stuff gets tricky."

She chewed on her lip again and then sighed. "It does get tricky. Both sides could definitely have seen the other one as being evil -- even if one action was a reaction to something that had been done by the other side previously." She leaned her chin on her hand once more. "Which means that trying to decide if any creature is inherently good or evil is tricky and there may not be an answer that works in all situations."

His mouth quirked. "And that it's often a good idea to look before you rush out to fight anyone," he said, "Though for the record, I'm all for survival if there's a fight."

She smiled slightly. "I've gotten very attached to being around, so I agree with you and am all for the survival idea." She looked thoughtful for a moment. "So anything could trigger a fight -- difference in beliefs and the idea of good versus evil."

"You mentioned the Jhinka," Ender said, and took a breath. "They were coming at us pretty hard. Communication seemed pretty impossible. I have a hard time condemning Jaenelle for what she did, but I still wonder about them."

"That first day, Raven mentioned trying to find the one in charge and seeing if there could be communication, but all I could feel from their psychic scents was rage and hatred and the desire to kill and destroy." There was sorrow in her eyes when the thought about those days. "I can't condemn Jaenelle for it, no. I understand why she did what she did." Even if it had scared the hell out of her. "But I do wonder what caused them to be like that. I had never felt so much hatred from any being and I believe it was a good thing that I know how to shield."

"And for me, that I can't pick up on any of that, I guess," Ender said, with a little smile, though he had a human sense of empathy that didn't always help him either. "It just adds to the file of evidence pointing towards someone meddling with everything. I'm sorry they had to die, but I'm not sorry they died, if that makes any sense."

It wasn't quite the truth, but it was truth enough, anyway.

"Someone definitely had to be meddling and tainting things for that to have happened because the idea that any creature could exist just for killing is disturbing." Cassidy said quietly. "I am also sorry that they had to die. Such a huge loss of life is never something that is thought of lightly. But when it came down to their lives against ours and all of the people in that village? I'm not sorry, either, so it makes sense to me."

It was truth enough and it didn't cause Cassidy to once more keep weighing that event in her mind with other events like she had done a lot of.

He liked talking to Cassidy about this - she had an innocent, naive point of view, which was nice in its way. And since she was a Queen, getting her to really think about it made him feel like he was doing something constructive.

Ben would be happy about that, Ender thought, with exasperated fondness. Then he banished the Jedi from his mind - he dwelled on him far too much these days as it was.

He nodded. "Though I think that might be enough heavy discussion for today," he said, with another quirk of his mouth. "I just tend to have a lot of questions."

She smiled. "I don't mind the heavy discussions. It gives me a chance to think about things from a different perspective or actually decide what I think or feel about the situation we're discussing. Besides, it's rather nice to have someone to discuss them with who has seen different things than I have -- or in the case of Agio, someone who was there."

She shrugged a little. "Besides, I like talking with you, Ender."

And whether she realized it or not, she was learning things from their conversations.

"And since I tend to have questions about everything, that puts you in good company." She grinned.

"It's when we start thinking we have answers that we get truly dangerous, I think," Ender said, shooting her an amused smile back.

Cassidy laughed lightly. "If we start thinking we have the answers, then someone may decide not to let us talk together any longer."

"Probably my roommate," Ender offered. "I think at the rate I'm going he might wind up throttling me one day."

Internally, he facepalmed at himself for hopping back to the topic of Ben that quickly.

Cassidy laughed. "Shira would probably be close to throttling me about the same time. She'd try to forbid us to talk and well, when that didn't work she'd resort to throttling." She tilted her head. "We should never let Shira and Ben talk. That would spell trouble for us for certain."

Well, at least Cassidy would have the advantage of not having a massive crush on her roommate.

Such crushes came with trouble and headaches galore. Ender could tell you all about it.

"If," he segued, neatly, "we ever claimed to have any answers. I think our best line of defense is avoiding the claiming."

Cassidy didn't have a roommate, so she was extra lucky in that. If she ever developed a crush on someone who was in Fandom, then there was the worry of far too many people being interested in those goings on.

If that happened, they could compare headaches!

"See, that's why I know you're a very sensible person," she grinned. "That would be the perfect solution."

"'Sensible'," Ender said, thoughtfully, then shook his head. "I think you just gave my sister an aneurysm."

She tilted her head. "Why is that?"

"Calling me sensible," he said, with a brief smile. "Sibling rivalry thing."

Sort of. Ender's family was complicated.

"Ahh. So she would be like Clayton when someone calls me wise," she grinned.

Well her brother was allowed to tease her like that, but he bristled if people outside of family said anything against her intelligence.

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Library, Thursday [3/24]

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