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fandomhigh2011-03-04 10:37 am
cunningkingfish.livejournal.com) wrote in fandomhigh2011-03-04 10:37 am
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How to Be a Proper Sea Dog [Friday, March 4, 2011]
Hook was there before the class today, smirk on his face and a sword in his hand. Class had returned to the danger shop and to the familiar simulated sea vessel surroundings. Today, the props included a large white board, which looked a little out of place in the old timey sea vessel setting. There was also, for once, wooden chairs for the students to sit in while Hook lectured.
"The denizens of the sea all hate you," Hook started the lesson, drawing a few sketches on the white board. He had a new, specifically made attachment today, so instead of a hook he had a marker holder. "They hate you, but they also think you are delicious. So to prevent yourself from being eaten by these dreadful creatures, I will tell you how to deal with them. And by deal, dear children, dear children, I mean kill."
"First, we start off with the pesky mermaid," Hook said, gesturing at his crude mermaid drawing. "They'll save evil men from drowning, but only when it suits them. They also may look pretty, but put aside any teen fantasies. Remember, the bottom half is fish, after all. A silver spike through the heart, and you've fed an angry shark or two for the day. Awful creatures. Dreadful creatures."
He then pointed at his next drawing, a crocodile. "Crocodiles are equally awful. However, if you can keep keen and hear them approaching, they can be gutted like any fish. Just don't get in the water with them, and definitely stay out of the reach of their jaws. They'll eat anything as well."
He then pointed to his penultimate drawing, a mass of squiggly lines. "Kraken are also dead. Giant squiddy things with long tentacles that can tear apart ships like a packet of potato chips would be a good analogy I think. Never met one, and I pray I never do. So as for how to kill it, well... I supposed prayer works just as good as anything else!" He laughs for a good minute before stopping and pointing to his final drawing.
It was a dolphin.
"Shoot these on sight. Some will say this gives you bad luck. Some will say they're the most intelligent sea creatures. Well let me tell you one thing they all forget."
Hook's scowl was large, and sour.
"Dolphins are bastards, and they eat babies."
He let that sink in for a moment, then gestured off to the aft of the ship, where there was a table set with a plethora of seafood products: Sushi, fishsticks, crabcakes, steamed shrimp, amongstmoddable others.
"And after all that, you all deserve a little break from the crushing tasks I put forth. Grab yourself a snack, and if anyone has any specific questions on other sea beasts, raise your hand and please, please, please do not talk with your mouths full."
Class was in session. With yummy sea food.
[ooc:Plz wait for OCD. Open for class! Also, Hook's views on sea creatures are not my own.]
"The denizens of the sea all hate you," Hook started the lesson, drawing a few sketches on the white board. He had a new, specifically made attachment today, so instead of a hook he had a marker holder. "They hate you, but they also think you are delicious. So to prevent yourself from being eaten by these dreadful creatures, I will tell you how to deal with them. And by deal, dear children, dear children, I mean kill."
"First, we start off with the pesky mermaid," Hook said, gesturing at his crude mermaid drawing. "They'll save evil men from drowning, but only when it suits them. They also may look pretty, but put aside any teen fantasies. Remember, the bottom half is fish, after all. A silver spike through the heart, and you've fed an angry shark or two for the day. Awful creatures. Dreadful creatures."
He then pointed at his next drawing, a crocodile. "Crocodiles are equally awful. However, if you can keep keen and hear them approaching, they can be gutted like any fish. Just don't get in the water with them, and definitely stay out of the reach of their jaws. They'll eat anything as well."
He then pointed to his penultimate drawing, a mass of squiggly lines. "Kraken are also dead. Giant squiddy things with long tentacles that can tear apart ships like a packet of potato chips would be a good analogy I think. Never met one, and I pray I never do. So as for how to kill it, well... I supposed prayer works just as good as anything else!" He laughs for a good minute before stopping and pointing to his final drawing.
It was a dolphin.
"Shoot these on sight. Some will say this gives you bad luck. Some will say they're the most intelligent sea creatures. Well let me tell you one thing they all forget."
Hook's scowl was large, and sour.
"Dolphins are bastards, and they eat babies."
He let that sink in for a moment, then gestured off to the aft of the ship, where there was a table set with a plethora of seafood products: Sushi, fishsticks, crabcakes, steamed shrimp, amongst
"And after all that, you all deserve a little break from the crushing tasks I put forth. Grab yourself a snack, and if anyone has any specific questions on other sea beasts, raise your hand and please, please, please do not talk with your mouths full."
Class was in session. With yummy sea food.
[ooc:
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