fandomhigh | How to Be a Proper Sea Dog [Friday, March 4, 2011]

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How to Be a Proper Sea Dog [Friday, March 4, 2011]

Hook was there before the class today, smirk on his face and a sword in his hand. Class had returned to the danger shop and to the familiar simulated sea vessel surroundings. Today, the props included a large white board, which looked a little out of place in the old timey sea vessel setting. There was also, for once, wooden chairs for the students to sit in while Hook lectured.

"The denizens of the sea all hate you," Hook started the lesson, drawing a few sketches on the white board. He had a new, specifically made attachment today, so instead of a hook he had a marker holder. "They hate you, but they also think you are delicious. So to prevent yourself from being eaten by these dreadful creatures, I will tell you how to deal with them. And by deal, dear children, dear children, I mean kill."

"First, we start off with the pesky mermaid," Hook said, gesturing at his crude mermaid drawing. "They'll save evil men from drowning, but only when it suits them. They also may look pretty, but put aside any teen fantasies. Remember, the bottom half is fish, after all. A silver spike through the heart, and you've fed an angry shark or two for the day. Awful creatures. Dreadful creatures."

He then pointed at his next drawing, a crocodile. "Crocodiles are equally awful. However, if you can keep keen and hear them approaching, they can be gutted like any fish. Just don't get in the water with them, and definitely stay out of the reach of their jaws. They'll eat anything as well."

He then pointed to his penultimate drawing, a mass of squiggly lines. "Kraken are also dead. Giant squiddy things with long tentacles that can tear apart ships like a packet of potato chips would be a good analogy I think. Never met one, and I pray I never do. So as for how to kill it, well... I supposed prayer works just as good as anything else!" He laughs for a good minute before stopping and pointing to his final drawing.

It was a dolphin.

"Shoot these on sight. Some will say this gives you bad luck. Some will say they're the most intelligent sea creatures. Well let me tell you one thing they all forget."

Hook's scowl was large, and sour.

"Dolphins are bastards, and they eat babies."

He let that sink in for a moment, then gestured off to the aft of the ship, where there was a table set with a plethora of seafood products: Sushi, fishsticks, crabcakes, steamed shrimp, amongst ~~moddable~~ others.

"And after all that, you all deserve a little break from the crushing tasks I put forth. Grab yourself a snack, and if anyone has any specific questions on other sea beasts, raise your hand and please, please, please do not talk with your mouths full."

Class was in session. With yummy sea food.

[ooc: ~~Plz wait for OCD~~. Open for class! Also, Hook's views on sea creatures are not my own.]

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Like something is fishy

Chat amongst yourselves. Possibly stare in horror. That sort of thing.

Om nom nom, sushi.

Perhaps you want to know about the evil narwhals, vicious unicorns of the ocean?

In case one-on-one is more your style.

...I have no idea where the 'dolphins are bastards' bit came from.

Percy Jackson

Percy wasn't staring but he was frowning. He'd known several sea creatures that he didn't like and several that had tried to kill them but it seemed Captain Hook wanted them to just shoot everything.

Poseidon would be furious but Percy was just annoyed. He listened, though he didn't take notes.

Okay yes, Percy liked seafood. He'd liked it before finding out about the whole son of Poseidon thing but today's class had left him feeling out of sorts so he was just looking for the moment.

Dolf Wega

Luke Castellan

Luke was trying not to laugh during Hook's whole lecture. Dude had some serious issues.

Luke was all over that sushi. He was never really sure what was actually in it (aside from the raw fish, obviously) but it never stopped him from eating it.

Jacob Black

"Have you ever seen a dolphin eat a baby?" Percy had to ask. "Why the heck would a dolphin be near a baby in the first place?"

Fishsticks were good and Jake settled down to eat lots. And maybe some of that lobster over there too.

"Have you ever seen a dolphin not eat a baby?" Hook retorted raising a questioning eyebrow.

"Well, no." He shook his head. "But, I bet I could go find a dolphin and ask one of them if that was true. You don't think they have a better food source out there?"

Claudia Donovan

"And if you were to ask a dolphin, as they have before mentioned to be bastards, would it not lie about whether it ate babies?" Hook said, thinking his argument sound.

"It wouldn't lie if it was a trustworthy animal," Percy argued, shrugging a shoulder. "You can't say dolphins eats babies just as much as I can't say they don't eat babies because neither of us know."

"So you want to see proof of a dolphin eating a baby, then?" Hook said, mustache twitching momentarily. "You actually want to see it happen, boy?"

Now he was just goading his students.

Percy glowered at him, appropriately baited now. "That's not what I said. You're twisting my words. You have no freaking idea if dolphins eat babies but man, I kind of want them to eat you right now."

Rilla Blythe

Rilla was appalled by Captain Hook's language. And the idea of killing everything, of course, but mostly the language.

"Are you calling me a baby, boy?" Hook said, and then laughed at his own words.

"Ah, baby boy, that was a good one, that was a good one." His mirth won out over his anger. "You're free to believe what you will, Percival."

"Percy," he corrected with a scowl. "And if I can believe what I want to believe, does that mean I can believe that a dolphin was the one who ate your freaking hand?"

Hook just reacted with a chuckle. "Not much of a reader, are you?" Hook said.

"Nope." Hey, that was an easy admittance. "If it's not in ancient Greek, I kind of have a hard time following along so, hey, why not make my own assumptions since you can too? It's your influence at work, sir."

"I'd recommend quitting while you still have a head, boy," Hook said, simply. He scratched at an itch on his face. He couldn't quite threaten with a marker as effectively as he could with the hook. "Or simply before you have detention."

"But I'm just following your rules, aren't I?" Percy asked, shrugging. "You can assume things but I can't? Where's the fairness in that?"

Percy so didn't know who he was talking to obviously.

"Life isn't fair, and this class especially so," Hook said. "And for the record, hand cut off in a duel, which then was eaten by a giant crocodile which stalked me wanting to eat the rest of me. Until I gutted it, stuffed it, and had it turned into a silent clock in the middle of town."

Percy raised by eyebrows and then nodded, exaggerating the motion a bit. "I bet that made the dolphins laugh and laugh."

"I wouldn't know," Hook said with another shrug. "I have them shot on sight."

"Hm. Maybe I'll share that story of yours next time I talk to them," he decided, nodding. "And I can tell them to keep a lookout for you. I'm sure they'll spread the word. That'll be helpful for when you hit the seas again."

"Why yes, I imagine they'll stay quite clear," Hook said. "Thank you, my boy, you'd be doing me a service."

"Yeah, no problem," Percy said, rolling his eyes and deciding he'd just tell the dolphins something totally different. With that, he turned and headed back to his desk.

Nico di Angelo

Jason Todd

Jason was a little turned off by the idea of eating fish right now, but he still took a few pieces of sushi. Letting food go to waste was a far greater crime.

Nico didn't have much trouble killing monsters, but he was a little skeptical that the water spirits wouldn't be pissed if you came after the mermaids and dolphins. Good question for old Seaweed Brain, but probably not during the lecture.

Probably.

Hank Venture

Hank raised a hand, because he had an important question. "I think you're a very, very, very bad man!"

Hank excitedly piled a plate full of fishsticks.

Hook just gave Hank an acknowledging nod, then said with a winning smile: "Pirate."

They're not bastards. They're gay sharks.

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How to Be a Proper Sea Dog [Friday, March 4, 2011]

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