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Dealing With Idiots | Friday | Period 4 (Session 5)

"Sadly, yes, it was necessary for Baldrick to return today."

As if any of his students would require an announcement of that fact to be aware of the dull-eyed dungball up at the front of the room near (but not too near) to Edmund's lectern.

"His presence is required because today, we're going to finish off our section on dealing with the very, very stupid that you don't have to suck up to, via a practical exercise in getting them to do something."

"Oi, that's not hard." Baldrick didn't waste time arguing about the very very stupid designation, at least. "I can do plenty of things. I can catch rats... eventually, when they get really old and slow. And I can whistle!" The sound coming out of that mouth in demonstration was almost as foul as the breath coming out of that mouth, possibly because it was accompanied by bits of Baldrick's breakfast -- or possibly bits of his teeth -- also coming out of his mouth.

"No, you can't. Stop that." Edmund banged him once round the head with his own hat before jamming it back down over not at all enough of Baldrick's face. "But thank you for providing us with a helpful example of the need, when dealing with you and those like you, for extreme specificity in one's demands. Here's another: Baldrick, I fancy a cup of tea. Go put the kettle on." Pants and more pants, he'd undercut himself there. "And come back afterwards," he added before Baldrick had made it to the door. "Until he returns, class, you may talk amongst yourselves, take notes, smoke them if you possess them, whatever."

~~~~~~Ten minutes later~~~~~~

I have nothing helpful to say so here is Baldrick with a kettle on his head

I have nothing helpful to say so here is Baldrick with a kettle on his head

Edmund gazed toward the sight in the doorway. "I rest my case. Baldrick, go back to our lodgings, remove the the kettle from your head, and make some tea with it. Wait there until I arrive. Don't drink the tea."

Exeunt Baldrick, teakettle still on his head. "I would have changed the order of the orders there, but I felt the squirrels could use the amusement of following him through town like that," he added. "Your assignment today is to pair up, pretend one of you is Baldrick or a slightly less odious equivalent thereof and practice giving orders whose results won't give you a concussion from the force of bashing your head against a wall. Imitation-Baldricks need not attempt to duplicate the scent, just the cranial capacity."

[OOC: Open and less smelly once Baldrick's gone!]

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Some simple orders to attempt:

Make tea
Make a peanut-butter sandwich
~~Figure out how Edmund knows how to make a peanut butter sandwich despite in all probability dying before George Washington Carver was born~~
Wash my socks
Tie your own shoes
Tell me what the weather's like outside

"Faux-Baldricks, your job is to try to interpret these orders in the most ridiculous ways possible. Non-imbeciles, yours is to avoid that circumstance. Feel free to make use of your previous education in shouting, threats, and impermanent physical violence, if it helps."

Alex figured he could do this either way, giving or receiving. He had a creative mind and could twist words with the best of them. So, he waited for a partner.

Rilla sighed a little to herself when she saw who was available.

"Mister Karev," she said formally.

Alex tried not to smirk too much. "Rilla. Gonna be my partner for this? I'd be honored."

"Well, when I heard what we needed to do, you were the very first person I thought of," she said with a little smirk.

"Ah, nice," he said sarcastically, leaning back in his seat. He didn't stop grinning though. "That mean you wanna be the one that orders me around first?"

She gave him a bit of a "duh" look. "If you wouldn't mind."

"Do your worst," Alex offered, nodding. "Let's see how good you are at being bossy. And let's see how badly I follow orders."

Oh, Rilla excelled at being bossy. Whether she could be specific enough was the real question.

She glanced at the list, mentally weighed which of the tasks had the least number of steps to be explained, and chose socks.

Well, in her case, woolen stockings.

"Very well," she began. "I need you to fetch a basin halfway full of cool, clean water, and a bar of soap."

"A basin?" Alex asked, getting stuck on that word. "Is that the same thing as a cup? Or a tub? Am I gonna be hauling something big and freaking heavy all around the school?"

Edited 2011-02-04 20:10 (UTC)

Rilla sighed. "No," she said. "A basin is generally a little larger than a bucket. Why don't you just find a bucket instead? A clean bucket, not one that has been used for painting."

"Bucket I can do," Alex said, already having ideas on how to mess this order up. He got up and wandered out of the classroom. The bucket was easy enough to find since there were janitor's closets around.

So, bucket in hand, he found himself in the bathroom and began filling it with cool, clean water. Once it was halfway filled, he stopped. And then he started dumping other things into the water. Pieces of paper, a bottle cap, a bottle, a washcloth, anything he could find around the school. By the time he made it back to the classroom (with the soap in hand), the bucket was still filled with water, it was just...filled with a lot of other things too.

Rilla sighed again. "How does this count as clean water?" she asked. "There are...things...in it."

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Karla was waiting for her partner and in the meantime, was cheerfully watching Rill and Alex have at. She almost wished she had popcorn for this event.

Well, this would be fun. Wes walked over to Karla, arms swinging loosely. "Care to be partners?"

"Certainly," Karla said, flashing Wesley a bright smile. For all that the rescue had turned into one giant debacle, she still owed him thanks (and cookies!) for all his help. "Care to give orders or mess them up creatively?"

"I could mess them up, I suppose," he replied.

It was the polite thing to do.

"I'm pretty good at giving orders," Karla said with a smile. "Shall we see what happens?"

She glanced at the list of possible options and a wicked smile bloomed. "What do you think? Want to try to fail at making tea?"

Wesley took a moment to consider how he could approach this. Being a moron wasn't something he was accustomed to, naturally.

Then, working with the absolute cheesiest pun there was, he raised his arms in a T-shape.

Yeah.

Karla snickered against her will. That was clever, at least. "All right, all right," she said. "Put down your arms now and fetch a tea kettle, please. Fill it about halfway with clean water and then bring it back to me."

She had to figure out how to get the water heated without a stove.

Poor Karla and her lack of knowledge of electric kettles.

That was a little harder to mess up, at any rate. Dropping his arms to his sides so dramatically that he slumped over, Wesley went to retrieve the tea kettle. And he did fill it with clean water, but he decided that the best way to carry it back would be upside down, so that water slopped all over the floor.

Oooh. Well-played, Wesley. Well-played indeed!

Karla was trying to stifle her laughter as she watched Wesley heading back with the upside down kettle. "All right, now go refill the kettle halfway with clean water and this time, carry it rightside up as you bring it back to me. Don't spill any of the water and don't put anything inside it except clean water."

She was learning from Rilla's trials and tribulations with Alex.

Drat. There was no getting around that one.

Except!

He could carry it right-side up but with the lid off, and in such a haphazard way that it still spilled! Yes!

Ooh, this was fun.

"No spilling!" Karla called as Wesley started heading back. "I told you that!"

Hee. This was the best class of her week.

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