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fandomhigh2011-01-26 08:01 am
mouthy-merc.livejournal.com) wrote in fandomhigh2011-01-26 08:01 am
Entry tags:
What NOT To Do In A Fight / Period III / Week 4 (Atreides/Deadpool)
After handwavily informing class to dress in clothing they didn’t mind getting dirty and to meet up in the danger shop, they were greeted by the most awesome of all things:
Paintball.
Hell yeah, bitches.
“Now, we’ve got a couple things to cover here, since most people seem to learn to use guns from TV and movies rather than the proper sources of the NRA and rednecks,” Deadpool said, snuggling his paintball gun like a mother with their child. It wasn’t disturbing at all. Really. “Such as the myth that bigger is better when it comes to guns. I mean, none of you guys are Cable and created by the man, the myth, the legend: Liefeld. So leave the BFG’s at home where they belong and you won’t end up getting your dumb asses fragged after you fall over from the kickback.”
"Beside, guns will be ineffective and obsolete in the future. There is no such thing as a bottomless magazine - you always need to reload - and it's nearly impossible to walk, let alone run and fire a weapon with any accuracy. Learn poison instead," Ghanima suggested. "...Which is not this class.”
Yes, hate this class, people. Hate it and all the horrible links.
“Another helpful tip is that holdin’ your gun sideways does nothing but make you look badass. It also throws off your aim unless you’ve spent all your time practicing it just like that. But that would be dumb, right, kids?” Deadpool totally thought it was cool and might have done just that. Word. “And unless you’re not firing real guns or have the right amount of upper body strength to deal with the Mexican stand off that will no doubt come from it, don’t use two guns at once. It doesn’t work unless you’re me.”
A beat.
“Or are from a comic book where you can also hold long, Shakespearean style monologues mid-action like you’re in freakin’ D&D game where talking is a free action.”
"Not to mention the sheer number of movies that teach you people how to use firearms fails gun safety forever," she continued. "And you cannot just 'aim to wound' or blast a gun out of someone's hand without injuring them. There's also no such thing as a flesh wound in real life. There's no 'safe' place to shoot a person, not even in a seemingly non-vital extremity like a leg or arm. So don't try it, you'll just feel guilty when you fail."
Deadpool sighed fondly at that. “But it sure is fun to do...” He shook his head, continuing on with the lecture. “So, before you kids go off and don’t do any of the things we’ve told you about, remember... don’t shove a loaded gun down your pants. Unless you never plan on havin’ kids. In which case, shove two down your pants!”
"Everyone, please don't reach into anyone's pants to see if they're toting a gun," Ghanima sighed. "That's sexual harassment, and I'm not doing the paperwork for it."
"Everyone has oneRNG'd target, so you're all being hunted as you hunt others." With one smooth motion, Ghanima pulled a small paintgun from the sleeve of her robe and fired a pink, glittery round at Deadpool. "Lists are on the far side of the Danger Shop, along with your weapons. Begin."
Deadpool grinned and aimed back at her. “Oh, it’s on like Donkey Kong!”
Oh, this class.
Paintball.
Hell yeah, bitches.
“Now, we’ve got a couple things to cover here, since most people seem to learn to use guns from TV and movies rather than the proper sources of the NRA and rednecks,” Deadpool said, snuggling his paintball gun like a mother with their child. It wasn’t disturbing at all. Really. “Such as the myth that bigger is better when it comes to guns. I mean, none of you guys are Cable and created by the man, the myth, the legend: Liefeld. So leave the BFG’s at home where they belong and you won’t end up getting your dumb asses fragged after you fall over from the kickback.”
"Beside, guns will be ineffective and obsolete in the future. There is no such thing as a bottomless magazine - you always need to reload - and it's nearly impossible to walk, let alone run and fire a weapon with any accuracy. Learn poison instead," Ghanima suggested. "...Which is not this class.”
Yes, hate this class, people. Hate it and all the horrible links.
“Another helpful tip is that holdin’ your gun sideways does nothing but make you look badass. It also throws off your aim unless you’ve spent all your time practicing it just like that. But that would be dumb, right, kids?” Deadpool totally thought it was cool and might have done just that. Word. “And unless you’re not firing real guns or have the right amount of upper body strength to deal with the Mexican stand off that will no doubt come from it, don’t use two guns at once. It doesn’t work unless you’re me.”
A beat.
“Or are from a comic book where you can also hold long, Shakespearean style monologues mid-action like you’re in freakin’ D&D game where talking is a free action.”
"Not to mention the sheer number of movies that teach you people how to use firearms fails gun safety forever," she continued. "And you cannot just 'aim to wound' or blast a gun out of someone's hand without injuring them. There's also no such thing as a flesh wound in real life. There's no 'safe' place to shoot a person, not even in a seemingly non-vital extremity like a leg or arm. So don't try it, you'll just feel guilty when you fail."
Deadpool sighed fondly at that. “But it sure is fun to do...” He shook his head, continuing on with the lecture. “So, before you kids go off and don’t do any of the things we’ve told you about, remember... don’t shove a loaded gun down your pants. Unless you never plan on havin’ kids. In which case, shove two down your pants!”
"Everyone, please don't reach into anyone's pants to see if they're toting a gun," Ghanima sighed. "That's sexual harassment, and I'm not doing the paperwork for it."
"Everyone has one
Deadpool grinned and aimed back at her. “Oh, it’s on like Donkey Kong!”
Oh, this class.
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