fandomhigh | The Science of Sexuality, Monday

"Welcome back to class, everyone."

You didn't really need to be a genius to know that was coming from John. "We thought we'd start these lessons off in chronological order. Last week, we started out with a bit of sexual preferences, now we're moving on to communication. Which is crucial, even-- no, especially with intercourse, much like the rest of the romantic arena. You have to be able to talk freely about what you want, or even if you want it, and how."

Meanwhile Sherlock remained sitting behind the desk, typing away on his phone. This whole communication thing was really more John's area of expertise.

"A skill most people lack judging by the divorce rates," he added dryly. "Any relationship, sexual or otherwise has rules that allow it to work. For example, I am no longer allowed to perform experiments in the bath because someone was squeamish."

"I'm not squeamish," John said, rolling his eyes. He refused to look back at Sherlock. "I just don't think the tub is the right venue to use for toxicological studies of body parts."

No, seriously, Sherlock. Seriously.

"Well, where else was I supposed to put it?" Sherlock asked, still not looking up from his mobile. "The sink was being used."

"Not in the bath!"

Cough.

After that little detour. "Sorry about that," John segued. "Anyway, communication. Make sure that you and your partner are at an even keel no matter what kind of relationship you pursue. If you don't want to engage in intercourse in the forseeable future, let them know as openly as you can. If your partner won't communicate with you, it might be a good moment to reconsider."

... Shut up.

They had a perfectly healthy, codependent relationship! Really!

"Break off into pairs and come up with whatever rules for a relationship your hormone addled brains can manage." Sherlock was such a kind, caring teacher.

"Just based on your personal wants and needs," John added, hastily. "No need to reveal anything intimate you don't want to reveal, or simulate a relationship."

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"Do you not talk?" Nathan asked when he only got a glance. "Am I going to have to decipher sign language? Or can you draw me stick figures so I can have something amusing to stick up on my refrigerator when I get back to my room."

Helen tilted her head and looked at him calmly. "I can speak quite well, thank you. And clearly you are able to as well."

It remained to be seen whether he had anything useful to say.

"That's quite the amazing talent you have for observation," Nathan said sarcastically. "You were looking at me with your wide eyes. What other logical assumption should I have made?"

"I do not even want to begin to imagine what other odd assumptions you might have made," Helen replied. Mentally, she was adding even more items to her 'Do Not Want' list.

"That's probably for the best since I don't plan on telling someone who obviously doesn't appreciate my talents," he said, shrugging and sounding unaffected. "You can write about that in your diary later. When you draw your picture of me being stabbed by shitty looking swords, make sure you get my height right."

He was so obnoxious he was almost amusing. "I'll make a note of that," she said dryly. "And I'll dash right out to get a diary. So, you're what, close to four feet tall?"

"Oooh, close," Nathan said, holding his thumb and finger a few scant inches apart. "Obviously your talents for observation are not as a strong as I thought. Too bad, I'm sure you have other good things to brag about."

"I believe we are supposed to be maing lists of what we want and don't want in relationships," Helen pointed out. "Perhaps you would like to go first as you seem to have quite a lot to say for yourself."

"Nudity all the fucking time," he said, thrusting both hands in the air triumphantly. "The human body is a wonderful thing and should be shown off and left alone so we can all live in harmony."

Shocking. She never would have guessed. "I think it might be a bit cold at present," she pointed out.

"That just means you find other ways of keeping warm," Nathan said, leaning back against his chair and shrugging. "There really are several alternative solutions. You just have to be clever enough to find them."

"I think I'll have to pass on that," Helen said. "I suppose that means we can't be involved."

How very very sad, except not.

The Science of Sexuality, Monday

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