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fandomhigh2010-08-12 06:47 am
ivejustinvented.livejournal.com) wrote in fandomhigh2010-08-12 06:47 am
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Inventing for Dummies; Sixth Period, Thursday [ 08/12 ].
"Good afternoon, class," said Farnsworth, standing in the front of the class as usual and wondering where everyone was. Not that he minded. He always felt that the fewer, the better. "Today we're going to be talking about that astonomical anomoly commonly called a Void."
No, Farnsworth had no idea he was being topical. He just turned around, took up his chalk, and took to the blackboard, leaving him entirely uninterruptable while he babbled on and scribbled a lot of calculations and equations and badly drawn diagrams on the board.
He explained on the concept of the Void as a supercluster of stuff that wasn't there, and the void as black hole through which not even light can escape, which might hit a little closer to home. And, even closer still, he talked about the void as a portal into another dimension.
"Sometimes," he said, "the portal will take you somewhere particularly interesting, like, say, oh, I don't know, a resort spa or some fancified forest with magical creatures and talking animals or heaven with all the angels and crap. More often, though, they're going to lead you someplace stupid, like, oh, just as an example, let's say an high school on an island off the coast of Maryland 990 years in the past."
Ahem.
"Thankfully, there are mathematical equations to help you determine what sort of place your portal is most likely to land you in. Maybe, one day, you too can be a Portalocity center distributor! Of course, those Portalocity people are often getting it wrong, because this is not your granddaddy's mathematics, but you're all so smart and ingenious and bushy tailed you'll probably get it all on the first try."
Yeah, right. As Farnsworth launched into actually writing out the complex and nearly nonsensical equations on the board, complete with jumbled, rambling explanations, it was unlikely anyone was to follow it even if you were in the class he thought this was. It only got worse once you started factoring in the infinate variables of possible portal combinations and the science that helped support why your body didn't burst into a thousand scattered particles whenever you traveled by portal.
There was, however, a lovely little story about an incorrect portal that left out two very crucial atoms, and....it was best left to handwaviness in the narrative, as impressionable young minds might be reading this.
And just when you thought he was finished, Farnsworth then added to the lengthly speech with wormholes, oh joy!
Finally, finally, he finished, and yet, somehow, there was still more time left in class. That, thankfully, was another subject on the relativity of time, especially when stuck in a boring class with a crazy professor. For now, he clapped his hands together and turned to his shrunken class with a serene, gassy sort of smile. "What I have today for you is a packet to work these equations and to see what results you get for where the proposed portal will end up. If I could get my TA to come up and pass them out, please."
Pause. Waiting. Still smiling.
"Lindsay?"
Waaaaiting.
"Bueller?"
Still nothing, and Farnsworth sighed, shaking his head. "Probably out back under the bleachers toking a fattie. Anyway, get up her and get your homework and get to work."
[[wait for the OCD please has arrived, straight from another dimension! ]]
[[ Class Roster and Now Completely Irrelavant Syllabus ]] [[ Previous Classes ]]
No, Farnsworth had no idea he was being topical. He just turned around, took up his chalk, and took to the blackboard, leaving him entirely uninterruptable while he babbled on and scribbled a lot of calculations and equations and badly drawn diagrams on the board.
He explained on the concept of the Void as a supercluster of stuff that wasn't there, and the void as black hole through which not even light can escape, which might hit a little closer to home. And, even closer still, he talked about the void as a portal into another dimension.
"Sometimes," he said, "the portal will take you somewhere particularly interesting, like, say, oh, I don't know, a resort spa or some fancified forest with magical creatures and talking animals or heaven with all the angels and crap. More often, though, they're going to lead you someplace stupid, like, oh, just as an example, let's say an high school on an island off the coast of Maryland 990 years in the past."
Ahem.
"Thankfully, there are mathematical equations to help you determine what sort of place your portal is most likely to land you in. Maybe, one day, you too can be a Portalocity center distributor! Of course, those Portalocity people are often getting it wrong, because this is not your granddaddy's mathematics, but you're all so smart and ingenious and bushy tailed you'll probably get it all on the first try."
Yeah, right. As Farnsworth launched into actually writing out the complex and nearly nonsensical equations on the board, complete with jumbled, rambling explanations, it was unlikely anyone was to follow it even if you were in the class he thought this was. It only got worse once you started factoring in the infinate variables of possible portal combinations and the science that helped support why your body didn't burst into a thousand scattered particles whenever you traveled by portal.
There was, however, a lovely little story about an incorrect portal that left out two very crucial atoms, and....it was best left to handwaviness in the narrative, as impressionable young minds might be reading this.
And just when you thought he was finished, Farnsworth then added to the lengthly speech with wormholes, oh joy!
Finally, finally, he finished, and yet, somehow, there was still more time left in class. That, thankfully, was another subject on the relativity of time, especially when stuck in a boring class with a crazy professor. For now, he clapped his hands together and turned to his shrunken class with a serene, gassy sort of smile. "What I have today for you is a packet to work these equations and to see what results you get for where the proposed portal will end up. If I could get my TA to come up and pass them out, please."
Pause. Waiting. Still smiling.
"Lindsay?"
Waaaaiting.
"Bueller?"
Still nothing, and Farnsworth sighed, shaking his head. "Probably out back under the bleachers toking a fattie. Anyway, get up her and get your homework and get to work."
[[
[[ Class Roster and Now Completely Irrelavant Syllabus ]] [[ Previous Classes ]]
Talk to Farnsworth -- Inventing, 08/12.