http://ivejustinvented.livejournal.com/ (![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png)
ivejustinvented.livejournal.com) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
fandomhigh2010-08-10 05:39 am
ivejustinvented.livejournal.com) wrote in fandomhigh2010-08-10 05:39 am
Entry tags:
The Mathematics of Quantum Neutrino Fields; Tuesday, Period 4 [ 08/10 ].
One would think that a certifiable genius would be able to recognize the fact that today's class was much larger than his usual Thursday class, and therefor realize that this was not still Thursday. One would be, then, an idiot, because that was exactly what Farnsworth was thinking as he stood in front of the class, adjusting his glasses, and cleared his throat.
"Class," he said, "we're going to be diverting away from the syllabus a bit today, because I have discovered something very disturbing the other day, and I have prepared a special lesson to alert you all to a very serious problem that I discovered one amongst you may need to be made aware of. I'd like to take today to warn you about the rampant danger of..."
There was, of course, a dramatic pause. The lights went off and the slide projector hummed to life, filling that darkness with the white glow of its bulb, until Farnsworth clicked the button and the first slide appeared.
"Redheads."
Even in the darkness of the classroom, Farnsworth's shudder was visible, as well as audible.
"Though I fear I may be too late." Click! "Some of them may be hot; others are," click!, "not. All of them," click!, "are genetic anomolies and a threat to our existance. They may try," click!, "masquerading as a non-redhead, but, deep down, we all know the truth.
"They will try to squeeze their way into the world with their clever wiles and auburn hair, but, thankfully, there are several ways to protect yourself from redheads. First," click!, "they tend to be very short, so you can use your superior genes to tower over them and intimidate them. Also," click!, "like vampires, they are extremely susceptable to the scorching power of the sun! Some might also claim that," click!, "they have no souls."
Yes, Lindsay again, but, really, was there a better example to prove his point?
"Legend has it," Farnsworth continued, completely oblivious to any reaction this may be having, "that, because they are," click!, "utterly soulless, they will try to," click!, "intice people into believing they are sexy, to steal their souls. That is, of course, complete hogwash, unless you maybe replace 'soul stealing' with," click!, "spreading STDs and," click!, "general evil."
"In conclusion, Peter Bishop, the next time you think about making out with a redhead in a theater while perfectly decent people are trying to watch a film about nubile beach goers being mauled graphically by sharks, remember..."
Click!
"I was ginger once, too. And, next time you think to date a redhead, just remember this. Yes, the curtains do match the carpet."
With that final lovely mental visual, and another click to a blank slide, the lights went up and Farnsworth smiled at his class that was somehow bigger than it should be.
"So let's take the day today to figure out how to invent something that may help you prevent redheads."
[[ OCDon the way is up! No redheads were harmed in the creation of this speech, not even emotionally, because we all know they don't have emotions. Some, but very few, links are a little bit NSFW ]]
[[ previous classes ]]
"Class," he said, "we're going to be diverting away from the syllabus a bit today, because I have discovered something very disturbing the other day, and I have prepared a special lesson to alert you all to a very serious problem that I discovered one amongst you may need to be made aware of. I'd like to take today to warn you about the rampant danger of..."
There was, of course, a dramatic pause. The lights went off and the slide projector hummed to life, filling that darkness with the white glow of its bulb, until Farnsworth clicked the button and the first slide appeared.
"Redheads."
Even in the darkness of the classroom, Farnsworth's shudder was visible, as well as audible.
"Though I fear I may be too late." Click! "Some of them may be hot; others are," click!, "not. All of them," click!, "are genetic anomolies and a threat to our existance. They may try," click!, "masquerading as a non-redhead, but, deep down, we all know the truth.
"They will try to squeeze their way into the world with their clever wiles and auburn hair, but, thankfully, there are several ways to protect yourself from redheads. First," click!, "they tend to be very short, so you can use your superior genes to tower over them and intimidate them. Also," click!, "like vampires, they are extremely susceptable to the scorching power of the sun! Some might also claim that," click!, "they have no souls."
Yes, Lindsay again, but, really, was there a better example to prove his point?
"Legend has it," Farnsworth continued, completely oblivious to any reaction this may be having, "that, because they are," click!, "utterly soulless, they will try to," click!, "intice people into believing they are sexy, to steal their souls. That is, of course, complete hogwash, unless you maybe replace 'soul stealing' with," click!, "spreading STDs and," click!, "general evil."
"In conclusion, Peter Bishop, the next time you think about making out with a redhead in a theater while perfectly decent people are trying to watch a film about nubile beach goers being mauled graphically by sharks, remember..."
Click!
"I was ginger once, too. And, next time you think to date a redhead, just remember this. Yes, the curtains do match the carpet."
With that final lovely mental visual, and another click to a blank slide, the lights went up and Farnsworth smiled at his class that was somehow bigger than it should be.
"So let's take the day today to figure out how to invent something that may help you prevent redheads."
[[ OCD
[[ previous classes ]]
Re: Invent -- M.o.Q.N.F., 08/10.