fandomhigh | The Mathematics of Quantum Neutrino Fields; Tuesday, Period 4 [ 08/10 ].

One would think that a certifiable genius would be able to recognize the fact that today's class was much larger than his usual Thursday class, and therefor realize that this was not still Thursday. One would be, then, an idiot, because that was exactly what Farnsworth was thinking as he stood in front of the class, adjusting his glasses, and cleared his throat.

"Class," he said, "we're going to be diverting away from the syllabus a bit today, because I have discovered something very disturbing the other day, and I have prepared a special lesson to alert you all to a very serious problem that I discovered one amongst you may need to be made aware of. I'd like to take today to warn you about the rampant danger of..."

There was, of course, a dramatic pause. The lights went off and the slide projector hummed to life, filling that darkness with the white glow of its bulb, until Farnsworth clicked the button and the first slide appeared.

"Redheads."

Even in the darkness of the classroom, Farnsworth's shudder was visible, as well as audible.

"Though I fear I may be too late." Click! "Some of them may be hot; others are," click!, "not. All of them," click!, "are genetic anomolies and a threat to our existance. They may try," click!, "masquerading as a non-redhead, but, deep down, we all know the truth.

"They will try to squeeze their way into the world with their clever wiles and auburn hair, but, thankfully, there are several ways to protect yourself from redheads. First," click!, "they tend to be very short, so you can use your superior genes to tower over them and intimidate them. Also," click!, "like vampires, they are extremely susceptable to the scorching power of the sun! Some might also claim that," click!, "they have no souls."

Yes, Lindsay again, but, really, was there a better example to prove his point?

"Legend has it," Farnsworth continued, completely oblivious to any reaction this may be having, "that, because they are," click!, "utterly soulless, they will try to," click!, "intice people into believing they are sexy, to steal their souls. That is, of course, complete hogwash, unless you maybe replace 'soul stealing' with," click!, "spreading STDs and," click!, "general evil."

"In conclusion, Peter Bishop, the next time you think about making out with a redhead in a theater while perfectly decent people are trying to watch a film about nubile beach goers being mauled graphically by sharks, remember..."

Click!

"I was ginger once, too. And, next time you think to date a redhead, just remember this. Yes, the curtains do match the carpet."

With that final lovely mental visual, and another click to a blank slide, the lights went up and Farnsworth smiled at his class that was somehow bigger than it should be.

"So let's take the day today to figure out how to invent something that may help you prevent redheads."

[[ OCD ~~on the way~~ is up! No redheads were harmed in the creation of this speech, not even emotionally, because we all know they don't have emotions. Some, but very few, links are a little bit NSFW ]]

[[ previous classes ]]

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Wonder what in the world you've done to deserve this.

The hell?

Scully was glaring. A lot. At least until Peter Bishop got singled out, then she was having a hard time not laughing her ass off.

Claudia was mostly staring. A lot. Then, in sneaky gingerly solidarity, she passed a note to Scully.

OMG U SECRETLY DON'T HAVE A SOUL!!!!

Really, there was just no other way to react.

Scully read that out to herself, snorted, then wrote back to Claudia, sneaking it over:

YOU are trying to steal MINE. STOP IT.

Professor Farnsworth totally wouldn't notice the two redheads snickering in his anti-redhead lecture, right?

You're on to my devious plot! Time for plan B.

How could he even notice over the sound of how awesome he was?

What, tower over me? Scully shot an extra-amused death-glare at Professor Farnsworth. I sneer at your attempted intimidation.

Edited 2010-08-10 21:56 (UTC)

Your extra shortness shows your extra power. Yeah, Claudia had no idea what she was talking about, here. I am average height and blend in. Perhaps we should join forces!

Scully was going to need a minute to get her breath back from trying to laugh silently, here.

To threaten all existence together? And possibly Peter?

He does apparently need to be taught a lesson.

We'll have to explain to him why he does. And apparently, why he shouldn't make out with people in movie theaters.

In front of the giant wrinkle, anyway. Claudia wasn't going to hold random make-outs against anyone.

Scully stole a look at Farnsworth, eyes wide with amusement.

Because he used to be a redhead and knows how evil we all are. Apparently.

Only have his word on that. could be a creepy blond!

Scully scowled. To hide the smirk.

So much more likely. Also, what happened to the crazy math?

Guy has issues -- maybe forgot what he teaches?

Believe it. Scully shook her head at some of the pictures of Lindsay Lohan. Then wrote: Should I know who she is?

Claudia gaped, then remembered Scully was secretly time displaced and old. Lindsay Lohan. Former child star current drunk on wrong side of the law. You know, usual story.

Scully squinted, then wrote: So the ideal redheaded role model. Perfect.

Re: Listen to the Lecture -- M.o.Q.N.F., 08/10.

notmyownage - 2010-08-11 03:24 (UTC) - Expand

Well, Kitty had never been happier to be a brunette. Don't think she wasn't checking how any redheads in the class might have been dealing, though.

Spock did not understand what was happening here. There was no logic to be found. None. At all. He did not understand what a person's hair color had to do with anything.

Kurt's three-fingered, blue-furred hand shot up, and he bared his fangs at the professor in a snarl. "There is NOTHING wrong with minor genetic mutations!" he insisted.

And maybe, maybe, if he could believe that strongly enough about redheads, he'd believe it about himself, too.

"This is hardly a minor genetic mutation," Farnsworth muttered, shaking his head. "More like an epidemic. Redheads were supposed to be completely bred out of the human race by 2100, but, as you can see, we stuck around."

Then he turned to see who was talking, and his forehead frowned at the student. No, it wasn't that he shouldn't be in this class, it was...

"Did you do something to your hair, Klaus? You look different."

"Just a minor genetic mutation," Kurt told him. "No biggie."

He should probably be grateful that the professor didn't care that he was blue, but he was too pissed about the racism.

"Why would anyone try to breed out redheads? They are PERFECTLY NORMAL. And sexy!"

Bruce's last girlfriend was a redhead, but she graduated and left town before he could eventually cruelly dump her to refocus on a mission he would never fully explain.

Was it just a natural thing that happened, or was it evil cunning?

It was a natural thing. Of course. Bruce didn't even entertain the other thought no matter how well it worked under the professor's logic. Or possibly because it worked so well under the professor's logic.

Well. The professor had topped his previous efforts in nonsensical classes, at least. Although, while some of those had been mildly amusing in their ridiculousness, this particular lecture had simply annoyed Joolushko. Rather a lot. Her hair, in fact, was looking much redder than it had when she walked in. The bright red went well with the glare she was giving the professor.