http://brambless.livejournal.com/ ([identity profile] brambless.livejournal.com) wrote in [community profile] fandomhigh2005-10-22 11:53 am

Philosophy classroom, Friday afternoon

After today's somewhat explosive Ethics class, Tara grabs lunch and returns to the classroom, anticipating fallout from various students... and questions from others.

[identity profile] mparkerceo.livejournal.com 2005-10-22 07:44 am (UTC)(link)
Parker lets out a breath when she hears that, and relaxes a bit. "Where to start. Okay. Echolls is a creep. When we were setting up boundaries, he specifically said he wanted me to be all "positive" on a subject he knows I have issues. He also picked out a safeword for me that was embarassing and childish, and I immediately told him to go to hell."

"Professor, you don't know me, but I have an ugly temper and a vindictive streak. Echolls is pushing my buttons deliberately. Even with the 'safeguards', I really, really want to hurt him, and it's only Friday. Is this the way it's supposed to be? If we're not in Master-Slave mode, he can mock me and push me so that I can barely stand to speak to him, much less think about working with him?"

[identity profile] mparkerceo.livejournal.com 2005-10-22 07:48 am (UTC)(link)
Parker tries to get into class-discussion mode, but it's hard. "I either defy him and risk the consequences. I kill him. Or I run away." Her voice is utterly flat, and her stomach is in knots.

[identity profile] mparkerceo.livejournal.com 2005-10-22 07:57 am (UTC)(link)
Parker's expression is ... well, incredulous.

"I'm not seeing the difference here. Unless you mean between my own situation, and the situation if I was a slave?" Parker's fingers are closing and opening, closing and opening.

"A slave might be physically hurt, isolated, tortured, deprived of food, deprived of comfort, trapped, killed..." Her voice keeps speeding up. "And there would be no one to speak for him."

Parker gets her breathing under control, and the anger. It's not going well. "*I* can do more things and get away with more things because I am rich, smart, forceful, attractive, and have powerful connections. They don't even have to be right things. Anyone who tried to enforce their will on me, if I could not escape immediately and killing them was not an option, would find it difficult to maintain that situation for long."

[identity profile] mparkerceo.livejournal.com 2005-10-22 08:05 am (UTC)(link)
And again, this concept is so alien to Parker, she can barely encompass it.

"Compliance," she grinds out. "Duplicity. Lying." She folds her arms across her stomach, swallowing hard. "Acting. Looking for an opportunity to stab them in the back when they don't expect it."

[identity profile] mparkerceo.livejournal.com 2005-10-22 08:14 am (UTC)(link)
Comply when it's not important to you, and find a way to turn things to your advantage when it is.

But it's always important, Parker wants to say. Isn't it?

"Honest about my boundaries," she repeats instead. "If I'm honest, all I want to do is punch his face in and take the detention. Even when he was 'giving' me things, I wanted to wrap my hands around his throat. Except his girlfriend might not appreciate it."

[identity profile] mparkerceo.livejournal.com 2005-10-22 08:18 am (UTC)(link)
"I have my own things," Parker says shortly. "Nothing he could give me would be worth being subordinate to him."

[identity profile] mparkerceo.livejournal.com 2005-10-22 08:22 am (UTC)(link)
"It implies I couldn't get them for myself. Like I'm some child, that I'm not able to do things, earn money, that if I left I'd be helpless--"

Parker's face has gone white, and she cuts herself off. "An obligation. It implies an obligation. And it's hardest to fight things that no one says."

[identity profile] mparkerceo.livejournal.com 2005-10-22 08:29 am (UTC)(link)
"I have to go," Parker says abruptly, checking her watch. "I have to meet Alex Krycek for a newspaper interview." She gets to her feet quickly, gathering her things, not looking at Tara until she's at the door. "Thank you for your time, Professor. I think I understand a little better. And-- I'll try." Her lips thin. "But I can't promise anything."

[identity profile] mparkerceo.livejournal.com 2005-10-22 08:37 am (UTC)(link)
"Sure." Parker's feeling ill as she walks down the hallway outside Tara's office, and she stops at the corner to catch her breath, waiting for the nausea to dissipate.

Parallels are not empirical facts. Similiarities to your life, or Jarod's, do not mean *anything*, damnit. You are the master of your own damn fate. Got it?

She takes another breath, lets it out, and ignores the pain in her gut. After a few minutes, it goes away.

Good.

Then she continues down the hallway, back to the dorms.