fandomhigh | First Aid - Danger Shop, Friday, Period 5 [Week 2]

The Danger Shop was not a disaster zone this week. In fact, it looked a lot like Serenity Cove's beach, littered with people swimming and sunbathing and picnicking.

"Ladies, gentlemen," Hawkeye greeted, arms spread wide. "And anyone who doesn't fit into the first two categories. I'd mention you all specifically, but we have work to do. And by work, I mean that your dates await you."

In a line propped up against a log were CPR dummies, each one with unique features. The dummies themselves were identical, but they each wore a different shirt (or dress in some cases), they had ill-fitting wigs, facial hair, beauty spots and other ~~completely moddable~~ defining features.

Bob, Hank, Arthur, Rick, Harry, Eugene, Ralph, Fred, Herb, Melvin, Herman, Clyde, Geraldine, Margaret (Hawkeye had a soft spot for that one), Myrtle, Wilma, Maxine, Vera, Stella and Peggy were there for you to choose from.

"Before you kids get off on the right foot with your blind dates, we're going to have a little demonstration." Hawkeye showed the class, using Margaret, how to perform CPR, including assessing the the casualty, clearing the airway, creating circulation and performing mouth-to-mouth.

"Now go and enjoy your dates." He checked his watch. "Ten minutes in your date is going to have a little problem and you're going to have to perform CPR. No reason you can't have a little fun beforehand, but stay away from the guy selling bananas on a stick. I didn't program him in and the bananas, while delicious and not real, stick with you."

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"Damn it, Herman," Dandelion growled after two minutes of non-conversation. "We never talk any more. It's always the silent treatment with you. Never a kind word. Never a compliment. DAMN IT! I'm a woman with needs! Needs! Never once have you offered to take me to the workshop and use a lathe! Never!"

She pushed Herman in disgust and he fell over to the ground. "HERMAN! NO! I DIDN'T MEAN A WORD OF IT!"

She pounced on the dummy and began CPR in a feverish pitch. "DON'T YOU DIE ON ME HERMAN! THIS WEEKEND NORM ABRAMS IS DOING A GAZEBO ON THE NEW YANKEE WORKSHOP AND I WON'T WATCH IT ALONE DAMN YOU!"

Alas there was no pulse or breath coming from Herman after all the reps Dandelion did. She collapsed on top of the dummy in an exhausted heap. "I'm sorry Herman. But as God as my witness, they'll pay for what they did to you! You could have been somebody! You could have been a contender! I will wipe out the cosmos in a wave of destructive force for YOU. WILL! BE! AVEEEEEEENGED!"

That would be the point where she had her fists raised in the air in defiance. Yep. Defiance.

"Extra credit!" Hawkeye declared. "For enthusiasm and going above and beyond to save your date. Or there would be, if this was a real class with actual grades. I could substitute the extra credit for a Tootsie Pop instead if you'd prefer."

"Tootsie pops won't bring Herman back," Dandelion said sadly. "Nor songs. Or rainbows. Or pudding cups. Maybe defibrillators."

...

"What flavor?"

"Orange. Probably not defibrillators since Herman didn't have a heart to begin with."

First Aid - Danger Shop, Friday, Period 5 [Week 2]

Re: Enjoy Your Date

Re: Enjoy Your Date

Re: Enjoy Your Date

Re: Enjoy Your Date