fandomhigh | Study Hall, Wednesday [01/27]

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Study Hall, Wednesday [01/27]

It was Wednesday, and that meant Ziva was back in study hall, keeping an eye on everyone as she read through a book on American History. It was bulky and overly comprehensive and made Ziva wonder how there was still a United States today, but it also brought her one step closer to being able to take her citizenship test, so it was worth the trouble, for the most part.

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*Because regardless of whether he's being an idiot or not, you care for him and this is important to him,* Karla soothed. *He likely knows as well as you do that this whatever-it-is has nowhere to go. If you ask me, Jack is just trying to be honest with you. He'd rather you hear it from him--deliberately--and both talk it out and agree that it will come to nothing, than have you pick up on it accidentally, frea--err, react poorly, and feel like he was hiding it from you.*

Okay, Karla was mostly making this up as she went along, but she figured this was probably the only explanation that wouldn't send Em fleeing in terror.

*You are both mature and you're rational and so talking about it and making it Not An Issue is so much better than hiding from it and letting it be an Issue.*

<<Don't take that tone with me. I didn't ask you, and it's not an issue. It won't be an issue,>> she replied crankily. <<I was perfectly willing to forget the whole thing, chalk it up to his injury, since he never would have said some of those things to me otherwise.>>

Jack had more tact than that, and Emma hadn't really needed (or wanted) a verbal reminder that Don de Ulloa always came first. That was the real salt in the wound.

<<I'm fine, really, he just needs to stop...saying those things.>>

Karla charitably did not point out that Emma had, in fact, asked her--even if it had only been rhetorically.

So, she settled for bluntness instead. *Why?* she asked. *Really-why, not convenient-excuse why. And if you don't want to tell me, I won't push it,* she held up her hands to show all the not-pushing it she was doing *but Jack is stubborn like a terrier and he's going to keep pushing it. He's going to want to know really-why, too, and just keep bothering you till he gets it.*

<<Because contrary to Mr. Priest's assertions, I am not an angel, nor am I particularly loveable,>> Emma snapped. <<My own family couldn't manage it, so you'll forgive me if I harbor doubts about the existence of the of the emotion in the first place.>>

At this point, Karla knew to tread lightly. Very lightly. Emma rarely brought up her family and certainly hadn't in this kind of...raw and emotional context before. *I can't speak for your family,* she sent slowly, measuring each word before thinking it. *And I admit that my own experience doesn't exactly correlate. But I don't blame my uncle's attempts to have me broken on any innate unloveableness on my part. Do you really believ that no one has ever loved you, Emma? No one?*

<<Yes.>> It was simple, clear, and to the point. Hank was fond of her, in that Emma was a means to an end. Christian had tried, as much as his addictions had let him, but in the end he had loved rebellion against their family more than Emma.

She could even admit that Jack cared, in the same way he cared about all of them that were involved in their... thing.

Emma met Karla's eyes squarely. <<Crazy little Emma with voices in her head was an embarrassment. So rather than seek medical assistance, they disinherited me and tried to toss me to the wolves. You don't throw away people you love like that. You just don't.>>

She wasn't going to mention that they'd also tried to lock her away in a place similar to Karla's Briarwood, just like they'd done to Christian. That was too personal, and it was her special secret that only Jack knew.

...she did not love him, shut up.

*No, you don't,* Karla agreed firmly. *But just because those people were incapable of true parental love doesn't mean you're unloveable. Or that love doesn't exist.*

The more she thought about it, the more parallels she saw between Emma's childhood and Jaenelle's, right down to being embarrassments for speaking inconvenient truths. The difference was, Jaenelle could escape to people who loved her. Emma never had that chance.

Not that she was going to bring Jaenelle up. Not when Jaenelle could summon Karla back to Kaeleer with a snap of her fingers.

*You aren't shackled to their mistakes, Emma. You are worth far more than they'll ever understand.*

<<Worth more? Of course I am,>> she replied, waving a hand to dismiss the concept entirely. <<But I spend twenty-four hours a day, 365 days a year dipping in-and-out of other people's minds, Karla. If love is out there, I still haven't seen it.>>

Ignore the fact that Emma didn't exactly spend quality time with people who were well-adjusted or anything like that. Or that the vast majority of students at the school were emotionally damaged in one way or another.

Karla gave Emma a Look. *Right. Because the people here aren't all cracked, damaged, shattered, or some other flavor of broken.*

"I wouldn't have seen it out there, somewhere, in the year I lived in the city? Or on all my trips back?" she asked, switching to verbal communication since she didn't particularly trust her own mind right now.

"I don't mind being the class skeptic in Drake's class. I don't. And while I don't doubt Jack might be fond of me, you'll forgive me if I'm a bit skeptical of him as well, in light of his injury."

"I'm not arguing your right to be skeptical of Jack," Karla said, knowing how quickly that would lead to Emma getting her back up. "But there's a huge difference between not believing he's in love with you and believing you're not loveable."

She paused, debating whether it was worth it to point out that just because Emma hadn't ever seen love didn't mean it didn't exist. And then decided that the path of least resistance might be the best idea, at least for this discussion.

"Talking to Jack about it doesn't mean you're agreeing with him on the topic," she said quietly. "Simply that you respect him enough to give him a say about something that's this important to him, even if you think it's foolishness."

Dammit, Karla, stop using logic. Emma likes logic, and this is making it hard to just dismiss your arguments.

"I don't know if you've noticed, darling, but I'm not exactly a nice person," she bit out. "Trying to love me would be rather like trying to cuddle a porcupine."

Not commenting on the 'talk to Jack' bit, because she knew Karla was right, but that didn't mean she had to like it.

"Prickly females are the best sorts," Karla said with a toss of her hair. "We keep everyone else on their toes."

She knew well-enough to keep quiet about that Jack thing. Emma hadn't said anything, which meant she didn't have an argument against it. And Karla had no intentions of jeopardizing all her work by continuing to harp on the subject.

Karla wasn't entirely sure, but she was starting to suspect that an important part of being a Black Widow wasn't knowing what to say, but when to shut the hell up.

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