fandomhigh | Love & Romance, Hollywood Style [Period 4, Class 1]

Drake walked into class with his own personal soundtrack, bopping his head to the music. "What is love?" he said, addressing the class when the music ended. "That's a good question. Love is a many splendored thing¹. Love bites, love bleeds, it's bringin' me to my knees². Love stinks³. In the dead of night, love bites⁴. Love is like oxygen: you get too much, you get too high, not enough and you're gonna die⁵. Love is friendship set on fire⁶. Love is the master key that opens the gates of happiness⁷. Love is hard to get, impossible to hold, straight and narrow, like a burning fuse⁸. Love hurts, love scars, love wounds and mars any heart⁹. Love is like war: easy to begin but hard to end⁶. Love is like quicksilver in the hand. Leave the fingers open and it stays. Clutch it, and it darts away¹⁰. Love is the irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired¹¹. Love is a state of grace, transcending time and space¹². Love doesn't make the world go 'round; love is what makes the ride worthwhile¹³. Love is a promise, love is a souvenir, once given never forgotten, never let it disappear¹⁴. Love is the only force capable of transforming an enemy into friend¹⁵. Love is a condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own¹⁶. Light of the world, shine on me, love is the answer¹⁷. Love is like a snowmobile flying over the frozen tundra that suddenly flips, pinning you underneath. At night the ice weasels come¹⁸."

Drake settled on the edge of his desk. "Love comes in all shapes and sizes, and in this class, we're going to look at some types of love that Hollywood is awfully fond of. There's obsessive love, tragic love, vengeful love, unrequited love, courtly love, destructive love, tough love, the love that dare not speak its name, and happily ever after love, just for example."

He looked around the class. "Some of you I recognize, but for those of you who are new, I'm Drake Dèmon, Fandom High's Demon-in-Residence. You can call me Drake, or Oh Captain My Captain, or even Hey You. Now tell me your names, class, and reason you're taking this class. And whether you are in love or have been in love. And, since I'm still working on the syllabus, let me know if there's a particular flavor of love you want to see covered."

¹ Frank Sinatra. ² Def Leppard. ³ J. Geils Band. ⁴ Judas Priest. ⁵ Sweet. ⁶ Anonymous. ⁷ Oliver Wendell Holmes. ⁸ Alannah Myles. ⁹ Nazareth. ¹⁰ Dorothy Parker. ¹¹ Mark Twain. ¹² Britney Spears (shut up). ¹³ Franklin P. Jones. ¹⁴ John Lennon. ¹⁵ Martin Luther King, Jr. ¹⁶ Robert Heinlein. ¹⁷ England Dan and John Ford Coley. ¹⁸ Matt Groening

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~~OMG unintentional S6 reference. D:~~ "Don't speak nerd," Kennedy said again, but she got it this time. "...wait. You gave up all that to be human for a year, and that's it?"

Drake nodded. "August is when my warranty is up."

"And you're okay with that." Given how badly she wanted to be the Slayer, it wasn't all that different, but still, demon. He was supposed to be one of the bad guys. "Sorry. This is way weird for me."

Drake shrugged. "It's all worth it," he said. "Plus I got a spiffy teaching job out of the deal and moved out of Underworld. Nice place to visit, but the fire and brimstone and tortured screams get old fast."

And just like that Kennedy decided his world was too weird to think about.

"Yeah, remind me to take that off my list of vacation spots. No going into the mouth of hell for me, thanks." Oooh, unintended irony. "Do I really have to be your TA?"

"Uh huh," Drake said. "I like having one who'll keep me on my toes."

Kennedy had not entirely ruled out the possibility of-- gah. It hurt her brain to even think about that. "I've been told I'm good at that," she said instead.

God. Constance was going to rip her a new one for this.

"I figured as much," Drake said. "And I ask for so little. Just let me rule you, and you can have everything that you want. Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave." Pause. "Just kidding. It does look great on a college application, though."

"Oh, gross," Kennedy blurted out. Seriously, so, so, so, so dead. College applications, whatever, "TA to a demon" would so not look good on a Slayer resumé. (Did the Slayer even have a resumé?) "Fine. But if you start acting even a little suspicious, I'm... going to the principal."

Or possibly something more rash. Why mention that part, though?

Drake held up his hands. "It's all good," he said. "We're on the same side. You'll see."

"Maybe I will." You know what? Kennedy was just going to tell herself this way she could keep an eye on him, because that made so much sense. "Or maybe not. "What do I have to do?"

"Pass out handouts, take attendance," Drake said. "Nothing big."

"Well, that's boring," Kennedy said immediately. "But pretty harmless, I guess."

She was so not bringing up how she'd been training to kill demons. Maybe later.

"You could get lucky," Drake said. "We could have carnivorous pizza toppings show up again in class."

"Or something less lame, maybe," Kennedy muttered.

"You want to put on you ass stomping boots or something?" Drake asked.

All the time, actually. Kennedy hooked her thumbs in her belt, stood up a little straighter, and gave him a nonchalant look. "Duh."

"I'd take you on a field trip to the Underworld to get your vanquish on," Drake mused, "but Zoe would probably get cranky at me."

Kennedy held her hands up. "And we're back to how I'm so not going down there. Not with you."

Sorry, Drake. She still didn't trust you.

But he was so lovable!

"You'll learn to love me," Drake said. "You'll cry when I'm gone."

Love & Romance, Hollywood Style [Period 4, Class 1]

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