fandomhigh | DADA for Muggles [Wednesday]

Sirius (who had spent the weekend as a Man on the Run, Falsely Accused of Murdering His Best Friend (in other words, himself, camped in front of the wizarding chess board)), was leaning against his normal desk as the students arrived.

"In our last class before examinations, we decided to focus on certain dark arts that are pervasive in the Muggle world," he said.

Of course, a wizard's perception of what was off in the Muggle world was probably a little skewed itself.

And Remus (who had spent the weekend as a Man with a Dark Secret, Who Has Severe Intimacy Issues and Also is a Werewolf (see above re: Sirius)) gave the class a serious look as he straightened his posture. "We don't have these things in our world, so really, this class is for you to help educate us, in a way. We've battled a few dark things while here, and would like your perspective on how to deal with them. For instance," Remus began pacing, his hands clasped behind his back, "I can only assume that this 'meter maid' creature is a very dark being indeed, as when we parked Sirius' motorbike on the mainland a few weeks back, we received a ticket for seemingly no reason, and were told that that was the source."

Sirius nodded solemnly. "As well as the vicious snack machine that took five of my dollars," which was still ridiculous. Everyone knew Galleons made more sense as a currency, "and refused to give me my crisps."

"Not to mention this," Remus waved his wand, and levitated a DVD player over to them. He pressed the Eject button, and while the machine whined and spat a bit, nothing came out. "That, I will have you all know, is a very interesting documentary on paper-making. And now I will never truly be able to watch it, since this machine seems to have eaten it, and I also can't watch anything else."

Sirius wasn't all that upset about the paper-making documentary being eaten, truth be told, but he wanted to watch the film with the pretty witches again, and so therefore the machine was clearly cursed in some manner. "Those are just a few examples," Sirius concluded, "but I'm sure you all--having had more exposure to the Muggle world--can come up with others. If you could also tell us the counterjinx for these three, Professor Lupin and I would be quite grateful."

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What other horrible things exist in Muggle-land? And omfg HOW DO YOU FIX THE VENDING MACHINE?

"The goddamn DMV," Alex said, making a face. If you wanted to drive, you had to deal with them and they were awful. "And I don't think there is a counterjinx. You take the pain if you wanna drive."

"They're probably a subsidiary of h-e-l-l." Diana helpfully suggested.

"Wouldn't surprise me," Alex agreed, shaking his head. "I hate that place."

"Prodding things usually works. You'd be surprised how many computers start working after you smack them a few times." Diana said cheerfully. "Oh and Vista. Vista is evil."

"Nintendo," Priestly said, not because he thought it was evil, but because, well, he liked messing with people, and the teachers were asking for it. "The smaller it is, the more dangerous. It eats kids' souls. Only cure is a really thick, boring book."

Dinah was still in a Seriously Good Mood today, so she said, "Parking garages are actually some kind of weird Twilight Zone. They fold and move and when you come back, you can't find your bike. That's why they invented chirpy keys to defeat them."

"Lots of people feel that way about computers, like they're objects with a mind of their own that enjoy breaking down for the fun of watching their owner lose their mind," Sam said. "It's possible those people are right, but I haven't seen any evidence of it."

"Sentient computers?" Dinah suggested, just to be silly. Also, just to have an excuse to talk to Sam. "Maybe computers with an agenda?"

Sam grinned at her. "Yeah, exactly. I mean, you see that stuff in movies, but it's not like your computer is awake and trying to pick up viruses, you know?"

"Maybe it is. You don't know! Maybe they're evolving. If people care about them and keep upgrading them, they'll be like the Velveteen Rabbit and become real?" Her lips twitched as she grinned at him. "Otherwise, how does it always manage to be on an embarrassing page when someone shows up to look over your shoulder?"

"That's the fault of the person looking at something embarrassing," Sam insisted. "I think a computer might find different things embarrassing than a person."

"Iiiii don't think so. I'm not the one who had those URL's in the address bar," Dinah claimed, trying to look innocent. Without much success. "And how do you know? Maybe the computers are monitoring our reactions. Blood pressure. Heart rate. Fidgety... ness." Was that even a word?

"Your computer sounds a lot smarter than mine," Sam said. "Although maybe that's why it runs so slow sometimes. Maybe all the memory is being used tracking my vitals."

"Exactly!" Dinah beamed at him for agreeing with her (sort of). "So, see, Evil. We have to defeat them. Which... we should go defeat. Together."

Ha. So smooth. Or not.

"I like the together part," Sam said, smiling broadly. "I'm not sure what you have in mind for defeating evil though."

He wanted to be together! Eeeeeee! Dinah totally didn't have a plan either, but hey, she could wing this. "We should go look for evil." Not with the computers. That was her thing with Jak. "Somewhere in town? Maybe somewhere close to ice cream?" That worked! She perched her chin in her hands and gave Sam her most hopeful look. Logic, pffttt. Compared to the other defeats she handed Logic today, this was nothing.

"There might be evil lurking in the ice cream place," Sam said, with a solemn nod. "We could go and check it out together. And if we find anything, our reward will be right there." And if not, they could just have ice cream with each other.

"Brilliant!" Dinah beamed at him, giving him her widest smile. "After Magic Reserves? I have that after class and work." She wondered what his favorite was. She wondered if they had the same favorite.

Meant to be! You and me!

"That would be perfect," Sam said. Just like what was going on between the two of them. "I can meet you there, whenever you're done."

"The tea-shop claims to be a coffee-shop," she said, nodding firmly. "And they haven't any scones. That's terribly wrong on all counts."

Alice was, perhaps, enjoying today's lesson a great deal.

"Just be glad it was the meter maid and not the bear," Jack said, thinking of state cops. "If you find yourself staring at the red and blue flashy lights in the mirror, you're in a world of trouble unless you have your paperwork down to the dot."

He shrugged. "Best thing to do with the vending machine is to hit it. Same with the movie player." Percussive maintenance didn't fix everything; sometimes, it made it worse.

DADA for Muggles [Wednesday]

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